Thank you Rihanna

You can't play on broken strings

How do you you react to this?

You can't play on broken strings,
You can't feel anything,
that your heart don't want to feel,
I can't tell you something that ain't real

Oh the truth hurts, the lies worse,
So how can I give anymore,
When I love you a little less than before..

Damn terasa wei... Lol

Thinking again

I know...Althea has said it a million times over..that I think too much..its true...but...

I met Fr Chris after some time, and he invited me to attend Teh Tarik & Theology! We had Fr Aloysius, a Jesuit to impart his knowledge on God, who He is. Fr. Al says often our image of God is that which is painted by our parents at a young age. If a mother says, if you steal something, and you think no one knows, God actually sees it, because He can see everything. The child would in turn grow up having the image of an ever watchful God. If a child has an abusive father, and we say God is the Almighty Father....well then....:)

Anyways, a guy said that he felt that God was not a person, but an entity without a particular form, existent in people, for example, say God is Love and we all have lve in our hearts...So that is what God is. Then Fr Al says that many books have been written about God, and Thomas Aquinas says that all he has written about God is true, and untrue. He shares the story of St Thomas thinking about God and trying to figure Him out, and he sees this boy by the sea on the beach. And this boy dug a little hole in the sand and was pouring the sea water into it. So St Thomas asks the boy what he was doing. The boy says he was trying to put the sea into that hole. And St Thomas says no, you cant do that because the sea is immense! And the boy turns and says, so it is with God! He is like the ocean and your mind is like this hole. You cn never fill it with the understanding of God. And the little boy disappears.

So another girl at TTT asked why doo natural disasters happen? And she felt that it is because we havent prayed hard enough. And then Fr Al says that God is not a puppeteer that chooses what and what not to happen. And I asked would it be indifferent to think that life on earth was a journey, and trouble and trials are just events to prepare us for eternal life? Like God could have stop it, but He allows things to happen as a test. Than Fr Al rebuts me by sayingthe idea of God being able to do everything is another thing ingrained into us from a early age, but is it true? So Fr Al says that God cannot do everything because He cannot contradict himself. And another asks about Divine Intervention, and Fr Al shares that though the Church teaches otherwise, he feels tht there is no such thing.He cannot believe that God will listen to some prayers, and not to others? That God will chose whose prayer of deliverance from illness he listen to?


So, I started thinking. What IF it is true? What if God cannot do everything?I do agree that God canot contradict Himself. He cannot make Hell into a Heaven and vice versa. He can't do evil. And since God has given us humans the gift of choice, would he change the heart of someone to do His bidding? What if I loved a man, and I felt he was the one for me. But because I look unattractive, and I don't excite this man, he chooses not to consider me. What if he is the one God wanted for me, but this guy chooses to go to the prettier, petite ones, and when i pray that if he is the one, let me noe, God cannot do anything because God has given him a free will to choose, and hence God cannot contradict himself and force this guy to come to realise that he would be happy with me?

hence it has been bothering me..
But Felicita put it really wel today..


She said, if Jesus "ask you shall receive, seek you shall find, knock and it shall be open to you" what would he not be able to do everything?...


THINK THINK THINK

Drama Over

The Drama is over.

Whatever hopes and dreams (in that small aspect) is no longer.

I am learning to take it as it comes...even if it means coming right at my face.




The most important part is learning to trust Him in all that I do. Sometimes, it is so hard, I feel like giving up. But, I cannot do so. Trouble actually help us grow into stronger people. It allows for better things to come. But at that moment of feeling it, it is so difficult...like right now. Rejection, no matter how subtle is still a rejection. And being human, I am being honest with my emotions.

Still, I smile. :)

Carpe Diem!!

Happy?

Wow.

I had a fantastic weekend with my purpose driven life bunch. We had so many exciting thoughts, plans, dreams!


Feli was cute...she comes up with this random questions to get us talking...she asked Helena to describe each of us in 3 words..Helena said I was Happy, Feisty and Passionate..

Wow...I was so affirmed. Happy?

I am happy!


look people...I am finally happy again! :)


we ca fix ourselves after all...

Crossroads

Today, I thank God for allowing me to vent to Jon, which was much needed I think...and he being his very patient self, really listened, argued, rationalized and finally calmed me down, in a not too melancholic way.

While I have so many friends from all walks of life, I m especially lacking in friends who share my passion in youth ministry the none-short-cut way. It is awesome to rediscover the passion and to know it still burns...perhaps now with more depth, and the affirmation I receive from people I respect a lot.

I have been thinking long and hard, about what I want in life. I have been struggling with a very unhappy state for some time, and at the end of the day, I had to finally it myself down and look squarely at the problem. And it has always been that I was not doing what I loved doing all this while.

Rubern has been telling me so many times to do what I loved before, and that was church and youth ministry. I always knew he was right, but it was a time I had to be off on my way and struggle. And in the struggle, much was learned, and remembered. And though it will be tough to release the vices, never easy to walk the right path, at least it will be more hopeful for those who think there is no hope for them.

And now, with all the 'little sisters' I can reach out to, I am so glad. I am glad to help with their personal lives, with their struggles in the church, with the struggles in their group of frens, their relationships.

So, if I'm missing from the blogsphere, dun worry, am in good hands...:)




BRYAN!! seriously miss uuuuuuuuu...:(

So tough to let go

Not of RC n SS, but of the person.

The feelings are slowly growing. Sometimes I wonder if I think too much. So maybe if I can stop thinking, I will get over him.


Let go Pearly let go..of no 3.