Naughty vs Nice

Oh no

2012-01-08T21:14:00.000+08:00

It's that phase..the ones in romcoms...the bit where Bridget Jones begins her diary....the part where I am not getting any younger and the kids around me are getting married or having kids of their own....and where am I?I am 26 going on 27, single, a little on the heavy side...and the crazy height (for an asian) does not help...I am hopelessly Catholic, and cannot do with a non-Catholic, yet I cannot seem to find myself drawn to Catholic young adult activities or groups...I'm being invited to a million weddings, and watching everyone else get married on FB...Where is Mr Darcy?Oh yes, I forget, I am supposed to hit rock bottom, get super drunk and embarrass myself in some public even when I meet that Mr right....and then I am supposed to either struggle to get him to notice me, or I am supposed to hate his guts and then embrace the embarrassing fact that I am falling for him, and continue to embarrass myself even further before we can finally be together?Or am I supposed to get one of those crazy make-overs (or wear some Fair and Lovely cream, or wash my hair with Pantene shampoo, or use Colgate of just do that Ugly Betty thingy) to get that obnoxious image crazy guy to fall head over heels for me?Or am I just supposed to sit here and wait, till some smug-married feel pity for me and introduce me to some equally pitied guy (hopefully as secretly cool as me)...or wait! Even that pitiful guy might be repulsed by my appearance? Or...even worse...we settle for each other??!!It just seem to painful to bear any one of those! So...I'm gonna sit put, be my crazy-fun-loving self...with all those crazy ideas of what a man should be, and be happy any way I end up, huh?:)Then..travel...oh God...now doesnt that too sound like another movie...? :S

Rain in Melaka

2011-09-11T12:23:00.003+08:00

AH.............What a glorious feeling.....home with the family, cool cool weather, and no work!! What a TREAT!!Nothing beats this...It is lovely...The type of laziness that is immensely pleasant....not the lethargic type..the type that regenerates all those broken emotions and wear downs.....Feels like a bowl of ice-cream minus the fattening effect and extreme fullness......:)The magic of the rain............... :)*happy*

New lifeeeeee

2011-09-05T19:42:00.000+08:00

The best part of our journey here is there are always seconds chances.Some people see their cups as half empty and hence would profusely disagree with me, but truth be told...there are always second chances...that is if you acknowledge it as one, and take that chance..Why I say this..well..the last week, as I mentioned had been crazy...with some skeletons out of the closet in my typically asian, yet very westernised family...marital issues or issues that comes with marriage. Boy, did I freak. The whole wholesome image I had of my family shattered. Things seemed irreconcilable... Yet, there are always second chances..not as beautifully presented as it had been earlier, but present anyhow....sometimes, even 'ugly.' And I was proud my siblings took it up..and hence it is not about being fuss free, but what you about the fuss? Let it overcome you, or grow in it.Cliche, but I guess when it starts to make sense or to carry meaning, think it means you're older....*ouch*Things seemed so hopeless at work...with me oversleeping again! 2nd time in three years! God! Need to do something about dysfunctional alarm clocks...Feel like a character out of one of those books I read....dysfunctional young adult working all alone far from family in the big bad city with everyone around you getting hitched, and you feel like a complete failure, especially when the baby bumps are also appearing...and your fat, boyfriendless and slightly overweight (but u feel a million tonnes overweight tho)...yea..like Bridget Jones...:P Then it was really nice, that though I did make awesome gossip material, the ravenous cats were actually quite nice, and seemed surprised that I was capable of such a blunder...and I believe I am forgiven already....and now, this is what I call a second chance at making it right, in fact better! Of course when it happened, I was definitely seeing an empty glass all together!And then there is the case of Musad...now that one...I'm uncertain of how to look at it...from every angle I see some hope...some hope that he loves me and also some hope that I will soon get over him and we both move on in life....either way there is gonna be excruciating pain....but heck....what's life without it...We did after all eat from the tree of knowledge...now we shall now the experienciating knowledge of good and evil.:P

Sreaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmsssssss

2011-09-03T23:37:00.000+08:00

OH MY GOOOOOOODNEEESSSSSS!!!!!!!!FINALLY!!!I got my new baby!! My lappy!!Its been more than a year since I had a proper functioning pc! And boy have I missed it so bad...the feel of my own under my fingers...typing away my emotions...good, bad...experiences...the richness of it all....GOSH!!! I barely know where to start...so much to tell, or not to tell, the inner fights between the heart and mind..the ugly...

Recently read Odd Thomas and am now on to Brother Odd...Must say I am thoroughly enjoying the stories...Dean Koontz..about this guy who sees the dead. I must say it did give quite an unexpected twist in Odd Thomas, and hence am looking forward to what Brother Odd'd give..:)Been watching Friends season one...remembering how cute Joey was, how *bite* Chandler was..the ditzy Rachel, the OCD Monica, and of course honest to goodness Phoebe and..well...Ross...there will never be another! :) Always a feel good feeling.....Latest movie watched was, the rise of the Apes....Jo (new colleague) was quick to dart back at me implying I could learn a thing or two from apes...*grumble*Work has been good, other than the fact a freak mishap happened just two days ago where my phone completely died, leaving me no alarm to wake me up, and hence I was humiliatingly late for work...definitely got the tongues wagging, namely the gossip b***hes who thrive in the lab, like the recently married, "I'm better than everyone,does the most work, most responsible and yet get fake MCs" M and the "oooo..I'm all nice and sweet...and need to tell the next earliest person I meet the most recent latest goss" C. So crappy la having such difficult women in the lab (which is why I still prefer living with guys...so much easier)But it has been interesting..in ways I shall not share...as Im uncertain if its a good idea or not...:) but it does concern a certain someone I just met....Confusing as ever...Church has been good..till the point som crap happened in the family..and have been a little shaken by it..and I must admit...I am a little angry with Him upstairs...yet I know it is probably something I have not yet had full grasp on..Till the nest time I log in....sleepy la...friend had some relatives come over....took up a little time and energy..but nice people generally.....ciao..

sombre days

2011-04-17T18:55:00.003+08:00

The papers has nothing good.

Its Palm Sunday..there's this overwhelming sadness in the air.

I can't seem to detach from a certain someone.

And we are under staffed at work.

*zoning out*
Just one of those days I guess..

All about him...

2011-02-09T20:14:00.000+08:00

The newest likey.....:)

Live High- Jason Mraz

2011-02-06T04:02:00.004+08:00

:) We sing, we dance, we steal things....:P

Remembering

2011-02-05T02:52:00.002+08:00

It has been great, the whole episode of weirdness...I have been able to remember the things I used to do and enjoy..the simple joy of reading, of writing, of singing, of playing the guitar and the piano...

I remember drawing for fun, I would sketch my niece and nephews...I remember swimming every morning in melaka...and how I cant seem to do that now in KL because...I just havent the guts to go on my own. :)

How often we forget ourselves in the hustle and bustle of life...There is so much I used to do....salsa, spanish classes, so many things...belly dancing! Haha. And why? Because we get obsessed with something that blinds us so....

I've rediscovered the simple joy of agatha christie..the good old murder solving! And before this all I was whinning about was how I am so hurt by M.

If only things were this clear on a daily basis...guess we gotta remind ourselves....:)

Good night...

Tough one

2011-01-31T19:23:00.002+08:00

I had an earful from some good friends who were very annoyed that I was in touch with the first ex, Rubern. Since things were tough for him, I thought I'd be there for him, though it was kinda painful initially seeing him going through the motions I went through because of him

For the first week, emotions were mixed up. I felt sorry for him because I knew the pain he was going though..a little too well...which made me angry cause I thought it was unfair that I had to re-live the pain, and then angry that (I thought) he was so oblivious to what I felt the last time...and the wholeeeeeeeeeee stupid thing came out of the closet again.

Then I had a meeting with Jon and Feli, and we shared about how we were and I mentioned I was gonna meet him after the meeting...and I so did not expect the earful. Of course I was annoyed, what did they know about the complexity of it all? How could they even begin to understand how deep this hurt has been.

But the most important thing was that they did say what they said, cause it really helped. I went back that day, annoyed with the whole world, and after circling it, I decided to mad with myself for being such a failure. Here I was, a facilitator, a church-go-er and the same me was struggling with so many issues at the same time with no help at all.....because I was pushing everyone away from me...so I could wallow in my 'desolate' state.

That night I just prated and prayed and surrendered, everything, listing them down, word for word to Him. The next day, Musad started to act differently, and this time, I had the courage to allow it. And soon after, I allowed him to just drift away, as I would not have had before. And in all the pain, I just lifted them to Him, and offered it for all the wrong decisions I made, and for the teenagers I was working with. And surprisingly, the pain was not so intense.

The thing that my friends said about Rubern was more correct for Musad. And yes, it did carry some weight with Rubern. The thing was they intervened just when I needed it.

Now, that is community. Thank you Jon and Feli. I love you guys.

last video for tonight

2010-12-06T02:55:00.003+08:00

the last one I think i can remember making me look freakingly goofy in the car in the jam is this one....I think he looks like a rasta john travolta....and he looks so...er...effeminate...:S yet if i just blocked the vid out...i still start daydreaming when it plays on the radio...night peeps..

Random

2010-12-06T02:51:00.001+08:00

This one..hmm.....cant dance to save his life..and the video sux...lines promote values i dun think i should agree with...but anyways, its still sweet...(ah..the mistake of women....the soft-heartedness......:P)

tak faham la..the video and the song tak clik..dun u think? Hahaha

ah...grinning.......very goofy right now...:)

Jason mraz is a hawtie...and a sweet heart....

2010-12-06T02:30:00.002+08:00

This one is special...it brings back extra special memories...late night strolls along the moonlit beach...oh yes....it so did happen...hmm...maybe its the whole ukulele thingy that gives it a relax feel...

jason mraz has some awesome songs...but to hear someone say 'I'm yours' is priceless........:D

STILL GRINNING!!

Another.....:)

2010-12-06T01:58:00.003+08:00

The words are just so flattering....sighhhhhhhhhhhhh.........:) and the music just gets me..:)

ok...so cant stop grinning now....:)

Your lipstick stains on the front lobe of my left side brain??Lol! nonsense...
I like th part he goes 'the way you move ain't fair you know..' :D

Continued nonsense..part 2

2010-12-06T01:55:00.003+08:00

okies...this guy's video is kinda interesting...he seems a lil artisitic...and sometimes, he may sound real corny (that i'd catch a grenade for you song...:P)..but still, I'm sure some of us know how corny lines still get you when the right person says it at the right time...:)

p.s: dang it..he's short...:S

Nonsense...

2010-12-06T01:50:00.003+08:00

Decided to just share that literally puts a huge GRIN on my face!!

Some of them have good music, some lyrics are just so corny-ly good...:P

This one is on the list because of its melody...:)
Enjoy!!

BREAK IN! B@st@rdS!

2010-11-09T18:24:00.004+08:00

Okay, so I had the weekend planned out. Was working 9-6 on deepavali, 6-11 on saturday and 6-9 on sunday/monday.

Not too bad a plan...

On saturday, i went back to my place after the call. reached home at about 11.15. Was happily chanting te saeculorum to myself, practising for Christ the King.

My housemates were away, two in melaka and another in penang.
Being home alone was never a problem here.

But I found the padlock missing, and my grill unlocked.
So I was like, "Hmm...weird..."

Then I proceeded to my door, and the keyhole was now horizontal (it was vertical)
I didn't like the wa this was going.....I was still mumbling the lyrics of Te saeculorum at this point..

So I turn the knob, and I was like' "Oh crap...break in..knob spoilt.."

I peeked in and saw all the lights on, including my room lights (which had been spoilt for some time now..hmmm). My door was wide open, and it was ransacked....

Instincts told me to back away...i went to the airwell, and looked at my apartment to see that the lights of my housemates room and bathroom was off...and I was still telling myself, "ok, ok, don't panic, it is a break in," when I saw the lights switched off!!

CRAP!! THEY WERE STILL IN THERE!!

Walked calmly to the lifts, pressed the button.."oh no!"...went to the stairs..."oh no, they might run through the stairwell!"...heard the lift arriving! Went into the lift and went to the level below it, and peeked at my place from the airwell..."crap"...

they must have heard me when i released the door..(the door closes on it's own)

Okie...called housemates, made sure it wasn't them there...called Kevin (superman) and then ran to the 6th floor, and called the guards.

By the time the security people got to the unit, the people left. went to the cops, made a report, (my fourth in this lifetime), waited for the forensics to sweep the place, spent the night at my brother's...

So there....break in Rhythm Avenue, USJ 19, Subang Jaya.

Bloody place, lousy security, even lousy management!

Time to move out, Althea, now I can take your advice again, get a house in SS 13,14,15,17,18 or 19, and not USJ 19! Lol....

I did lose the chain my mom gave me, made from the gold from my father's medals, and the ring my father gave my sister for her 16 birthday, and which she in turn gave me for my 19th birthday, the gold pendant my godmother gave me when I was born, my my mom's hip gold earrings.

I feel like calamity jane right about now...

Sigh....

one month 3 days, almost

2010-10-31T01:09:00.002+08:00

since I decided to stop the Musadpearly relationship, and still fell for his charms, and still stayed single...not bad all in all I guess...

In that time, I have been:

1. Good
2. praying
3. singing
4. falling sick on and off (sorethroat...okok..its not the singing k?)
5. cheated by fitness first malaysia, summit branch to be exact
6. irritated with streamyx
7. feeling ugly
8. chastised for saying i feel ugly time and time again
9. irritating to a fren, an ex and myself
10. running away from bad people
11. reading
12. smiling a whole lot more
13. happier actually

I somehow found company...its not so lonely being a single, working girl in the big bad subang jaya (almost) city..there are so many of us...many are good friends...I guess, when u get past the self pity, the pride and the rat race, it is better being single than being with a man who does not treat u as u ought to be treated.

And right now, Im not meeting the right sort of men..at all...well...I had a glimpse of some of them...but...I dunno...our common friend did not do much to help foster a friendship...

Oh well..it is still a struggle..taking one day at a time, accomplishing things I never thought I'd accomplish..

sipping on lemonade

2010-09-28T21:34:00.002+08:00

Im sipping on lemonade and allowing life to pass me by again...

I've signed up for personal training again, with a much more reliable trainer...decided not to stave myself this time... It was a good first session...unfortunately I have only 29 to go...:( its almost too sad...and now I have a wedding to attend on the 15th of October...with Kevin...hmm..it did feel weird when he asked me to accompany him, but what the heck..I'll just go along...Anyways, reason of mentioning wedding was because..YEAH! I get to dress up...but me so fat again..sigh....hoping training will work some magic..but its hard work all over again! No accident this time to ruin it!!

Work has been a pain

I had a night call with a very incompetent technician. He stopped doing calls for the last 5 years, and now he wants to upgrade to executive level and in turn become a technologist, so he decided to start doing his calls again. And it was bad!!! He did not know anything! I practically had to run the lab on my own!! I was almost in tears when there was a bad bleeding case, and I was almost out of blood!! Gosh, it was so freaking traumatic! I worked 15 hours non stop, and crashed the next day...it was too much for my body...did not like it at all!

Musad...oh well....now that things are over, he is being all nice again...I m trying my best to not allow his charms to melt me..and hence need more distractions...have learned that work is a unhealthy distraction dat gets me more money to go for retail therapy...guess that works huh?

Sigh, got to do somethin about late night lemonades la...hmmm....

ARGHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhh

2010-08-27T15:24:00.002+08:00

I AM PISSED!!!!!!!!!!

On a beautiful public holiday, and I open facebook...when i arrived at my homepage, this was starring me in my face:

PADERI MELAYU SEDANG AKTIF DI SEREMBAN 1900 ORANG PADERI MELAYU YANG BARU TIBA DARI SINGAPURA BERADA DI SINI SEKARANG. MEREKA MENGGUNAKAN SIHIR. AIR MINERAL JENAMA:- 1. AL -BARAMKAH 2.AL-MANSORI 3. AL-BISTARIA P/S : SAMA ADA DIPEROLEHI SECARA PERCUMA ATAU DIJUAL MURAH SEMUA AIR-AIR INI TELAH DICAMPUR DENGAN 'HOLY ...WATER' TOLONG SEBARKAN MESSAGE INI KEPADA SEMUA UMAT ISLAM/SAHABAT/SAHABIAH & DLL.

This piece of 'news' was posted by a colleague of mine. I couldn't resist but to put '???' in the comment box. I was so annoyed. Translating it, this paragraph claims that there are Malay priests active in Seremban and there are 1900 malay priests in Singapore already. They are apparently using magic, lacing mineral water with Holy Water, and distributing them, free or very cheap, under the names Al-Baramkah, Al-Mansori and Al-Bistaria. And then the message asks to spread this word around to all muslims.

Initially I was gonna rebut everything claimed here. but I decided not to, because I think the only thing I can say is there is a great, great level of ignorance in Malaysia. While the minorities learn about others and heed the call to live in tolerance and unity, the majority has a total lack of tolerance, and is totally insensitive to the rest.

it saddens me so much to see us slide backwards. I went for a movie with a Maldivian friend yesterday.And we were queuing up for tickets, and two groupd behind us just cut in front of us. I was so mad. Then at the counter, this guy, Prem who was manning it was rude. This is GSC in Midvalley. I was close to calling for the manager, but I did not want to ruin the night, so I just tolerated it. Thank God the guy Yusree at the popcorn stand was a million times better. After the movies we went to McD's and once again, this Indian girl, I can't recall her name, was not very polite either. SS15 McD, Subang Jaya, next to Starbucks.

Another time, in PJ, this car in front of my brother and I just wound down and threw his tissue out the window.

This is Malaysia right now. And my Maldivian friend was asking why none of the Malaysian youth believe in One Malaysia. This is why.

The root cause of the problem is not addressed. A slogan on the surface would not do anything. You can't just please the masses with superficiality any more. People are educated and going with the times.

My friend who is a Dean's list student from the esteemed University Malaya, was not given a scholarship because she wants to pursue her masters in Australia. And what do they ask her? 'How would we know if you will come back and serve Malaysia?' With that they have truly lost a scholar who really loves Malaysia because it is her home.

We make poor choices.We reap poorer produce.

Can't they get that straight? Before looking at how others could do better, we need to look in retrospect! You can only put a lid on on a boiling pot for so long before it pushes the lid off.

I am sad and very troubled.

The Reluctant Saint

2010-08-15T11:34:00.002+08:00

The Reluctant Saint is a production by the Redemptorists in conjunction with their 75 years of presence in Malaysia and Singapore. It will be playing in Kuala Lumpur Performing Arts Centre from the 24th-28th in Pentas 1.

It is the story of the young Alphonsus Liguori, a lawyer in Naples. It is the story of how he made a turn from a hotshot lawyer from a noble family to a priest with a love for the needy.

I was truly impressed by the performance and was pleasantly surprised to see a few familiar faces in the crew, especially Viviene and Kerry-Ann!

I am so grateful to Aunty Jo Scriven, for giving me the tickets, with premium seats mind you! :P She was such a delight! And was so happy to meet Rrrrrraph!! and my cousins there as well!

The Reluctant Saint is a must watch if you can still obtain the tickets! More so as the proceeds would be given to the Haiti Disaster Relief Fund. The Redemptorist mission was destroyed during the recent calamity. The production was more heartfelt since one of the major events in the production was the earthquake in Scala, the place St Alphonsus Liguori served for 30 odd years.

I was truly impressed, and I could see that the crew gave it their all! Fr Patrick Massang was so inspirational, and I could see that the Shepherd gave it his 101% to it!

*dunno how to put emotions into words*

Go watch it!!

Bravo to the crew!!! Well done!!

sipping on lemonade

2010-08-12T03:34:00.002+08:00

that's the current fad...lemonade...yummm...

Well...it was kinda tummy wrenching when I was sipping on lemonade and reading about the victims of the floods and landslides all over china, and pakistan...It was really sad..over here, i had a good day, slept the morning and afternooon away as I prepared for my night call at the hospital.

Yet, I could not stop thinking about the victims in China and Pakistan. What if that happened to me and my family in Malaysia..the general population would be sipping lemonade somewhere else reading about it in the papers.

The thing is we are not indifferent. but there is a limited means for us to help. I am barely making ends meet, in a country whose currency is becoming weaker, and where there is a real problem of disunity...Education is bad, there is no professionalism, and everything is just mediocre...We were once football champions in the region, and now Korea and Japan has gone the distance while we live in past glory, admiring the heroes of before. Our standards of English has dropped to the point local graduates are unemployable because of the command of the language. I am uncertain of the quality of my locally obtained degree, because I do not trust the system!

I feel like we are stuck, while everyone else is advancing. Hence the helplessness of not being to lend a helping hand to the victims of the disasters. I could lament my predicament, but the truth is, people are still suffering. Some child out there has lost a parent. Some mother has lost her family. Someone's grandfather is stranded with on the clothes on his back!

Right now, all I am able to do is look for means to aid them, and also pray for the victims....

Freaky

2010-08-04T22:19:00.003+08:00

Okie, so I'm 25, single and very very very much young at heart! (Hey, I'm serious ok....people think I'm still studying...:P)

I have friends, who are my age and younger, and having kids since I was 18....fine...most of them did not further their studies and are of a different cultural background...

And then, now friends who are around my age, with the similar background, meaning people I could hang out with, are having babies too...and whoa...in a day, everything changes! Fatherhood/motherhood totally turns your life around.

Now, do not get me wrong, but I want to have children some day, with a man who is to be my best friend, and with me having all the stability needed to raise a family. I am not in emotional shape to even date properly, what else having a kid, and mind you, not blowing my bubble, but I am those who never went around dating in my teenage years, cuz I knew I did not know better, and am glad I waited, and had two beautiful relationships since my uni days, both with minimal regret, and have gain 2 beautiful friends for life.

I love my single life right now, I have so much about myself to discover and explore. I finally performed on stage, making a debut in the hospital only though,I have sang with a freaking huge life band, I have performed salsa for christmas parties and have it on youtube!! I have traveled to Italy, planning to explore south east asia in the next few years then fly further. I have plans to perhaps work overseas someday...so many things to do! I can go to Bali/Phuket with my best friend and have a whale of a time being spoilt as only a girl would be! I love being 25! I am only now ready to begin a solid, and real relationship, and enjoy being loved for who I am.

I do wish I could be a young mom, but I do not want to deprieve my chldren of the maturity I would have giving myself a little more time on my own. Gosh, the books I want to read, the stuff I wanna learn, the things I wanna do! I dun want to spend my life pushing my kids to try the stuff I never had the chance to. I love working in the hospital, playing a part in saving lives. I just love where I am now.

And yes, after all this, I do have insecurities... I am afraid I won't find a partner, I am afraid I will die, not knowing how it feels being committed to that one person till death do us part, I am afraid I will spend the evenings of my later years, strolling places alone. So many fears, but I guess I cannot succumb to it.

Corney as this sounds, I think this is something faced by many of my girl friends.. Oh well, at least I would still have my best friends around..:)

Excitement!

2010-08-01T22:12:00.002+08:00

I was excited because I performed on Friday!! I looked like a stuffed potato, but I think I sounded pretty good!

It was exhilarating! I was nervous but the moment I was on stage, it was perfect! Belted out 'I want to spend my lifetime loving you' with a colleague who is the local celebrity apparently in the hospital... However, every time I practiced the song on my own, I felt that the chorus, was not to just a lover, n but more fitted for a Divine Lover.

For some reason, every time I sang I want to spend my lifetime loving you, it was most fitting to God. Whom else would I want to spend my lifetime loving? Who else was worth it? The rest of the world may think I'm cuckoo..but at least Feli thought it was beautiful.

Pics are on facebook! Me looking like a (stuffed potato) spanish senorita...:P With a HUGE rose on my head! Haha..It was fun...

Oh well...can't wait to see the video! :)

Good night guys...

so many many many thingsssssssssss

2010-06-21T15:40:00.002+08:00

Updates updates!!!!!!!!!!

Work: boss is a painnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn...... but the quality officer is really cool! I'm running correlations for different dengue kits, for both antibodies and also antigen detection. It is nice to perform a study and to have a report with your name printed below!! :D The scientist in me delights in the little things that define the sensitivity and specificity of the kits! Yeaa yea...me a nerd, me knows...:P

Life: I am soooooooo glad to be able to separate my LIFE from WORK! Haha...that makes me the happiest thing alive! :) Let's see....I'm getting the hang of chanting for Vespers..Cantor-ing is challenging (with me creating a 'new tune' every now and then..:P). It is empowering to be able to chant in Latin, to learn so many Latin hymns and canticles. My father would have been proud of me. Currently trying to master the solemn Salve Regina..mallismatic chants are tough...

The preparation for the PAG team is pretty cool too. We are now planning for the training camp coming up on the second weekend of July. Mostly on community living..and about living a Christ centred life in the secular world. Also, empowering them to take up responsibilities and learning accountability...It is enriching watching them grow from strength to strength!

On top of that, the Catholic Students Society of my old university called me to conduct a session or two for their upcoming Exco Planning Camp. It was heart warming to get juniors who have no clue who I am to call me to give a talk and impart some of the experience I had as a President 3 years ago. I was mostly touched that the juniors remembered the work I put in for them...and once again, I must remember to thank the Lord for working wonders through me at my weakest times...I was a wreck back then, and yet something so beautiful came out of it...Sigh..amazing huh?

The module we are working on based on the Purpose Driven Life is slowly taking shape... It is amazing to see the work Natalie put up...I was impressed with the questions she asked, and it was a very fruitful meeting..I am excited to try it for university students as we have planned it to be...

Unfortunately, the love life has been a pain..Lol. Nothing is perfect eh? It is hard to put my trust completely in the Lord in all things. I think it just feels so bad because I can't seem to be ble to open my heart to the few guys who seem interested...but i guess it is for good reasons la...one lives an immoral life...and has no plans of changing it..another is too young for me..There is still one who has been there for me through so many things, but i think cannot la...too young...Sometimes it does get the better of me..I can end up crying for no apparent reason....I just have to drag myself in prayer to sustain me...nothing else does it....Sigh...difficult eh?

My family is doing fantastic..I am so happy that my 2nd brother is now working in KL as well....now I really feel likeI have someone to rely on here in KL....I am sooooooo relieved and I really thank God for it...He has been looking after me all these years..in uni I had my faithful Bryan,Rubern, Cheese and Chia wei looking out for me..then Kevin came around...and now my brother is here...I am lucky...

oh well...all's well and fine I guess......ciao.............

Love, Pebblesssss

emotions and a girl

2010-05-24T19:44:00.002+08:00

If you are a woman, you will understand how difficult it is to handle our bloody emotions! Its like we're born with a leaking faucet of emotions. How on earth we don't exhaust it, I don't know!!

And it's even more irritating when your rational mind knows you are thinking irrationally, and yet the bloody emotions just continues to effect how you feel. And as much as you know the phase would pass, at the particular phase, all you wanna do is mope and rant and vent and bitch..

Sigh....

Man, I feel like a woman!! :)

Yet, being a woman is also liberating. A woman is so free..and so loved. :)

I'm loving it!!

Of travelling, singing and planning!!

2010-05-17T21:14:00.002+08:00

My weekend was CRAAAAAAAAAAZYYYYYYYYYY...

The looniness started Friday when Ian decided that I was leading Vespers on Sunday! And that meant chanting quite a bit solo..And the thing about chanting is that, the voice and tones have to be clear, and there's a fine line between solemn and sombre! :p Anyways, needless to say, i was FREAKING OUT!

I went home Friday night dead tired, went to work on Saturday, met up with my second brother for lunch, sped home to Melaka, and spent the evening watching Playhouse Disney with my nephew. Had a birthday dinner for my oldest brother,, watched this fantastic British show called 'The stars are in their eyes,' then practically died from exhaustion.

Sunday morning, had a typical unhealthy Malaysian breakfast of Roti canai with the family, packed and headed right back to KL. Immediately picked Feli up for a formation session with the PAG team, after which I rushed over to SFX for Vespers practice right before Vespers!

Yes, I was a bundle of nerves!!

I got everything right, but for some reason could not get the final blessing right.

And so...I created a new tune dat evening!

Thank God, Ian n Ben has created such a positive spirit amongst us, that after my 'fiasco' Ben texted and affirmed me for a job well done although I did create a new tune! Hehehehe

Oh well...the weekend slipped by me again, and I really dread work. It is so difficult to take my job seriously. Worse I find my work making me nastier than nicer. It is just so difficult to refrain from being like the rest of them. It is so difficult to stand out in character and performance. the management does not make it any easier. I find myself smiling less and less at work. And when people ask if I am happy, I do not know what to say. I might be a little happy, but I do not see a future for me.

I wonder if lecturing might suit me better? It might, it might not.

What I know now is that I am luckier than most to be working in such an esteemed company in Malaysia, and I ought to count my blessing more than anything else.

:)

One day at a time

2010-05-12T21:08:00.002+08:00

It has been very trying at work. Sometimes you really wonder at people, wonder how nasty people can turn on each other. I always think of the statement that humans are the only animals that turn on each other, but I think recently there has been documentaries on apes murdering as well...Vaguely remember it.

Still, animals of less intelligence seem more human sometimes. I love dogs, and they always melt my heart. Dogs are so simple, honest and sincere. Even my crazy Einstein Copernicus Thomas (yes, my pets have full names) tried warding off the cobra for me. But that shall be another story for another day. Doggie Douglas Thomas used to bark weirdly when we sent him over to the neighbours for puppy-sitting when we went back to JB for Chinese New Year. He'd bark as if he was trying to speak like a human and he'd look you in the eye at that! He was dignified and gentlemanly. Once a car ran over his paw, and there was no one home but my then future-bro-in-law, who came to Malaysia for a two week stay to get to know the family. Danko tried to just carry Doggie and put him in the car as Doggie couldn't manage it on his own, but Doggie barked and threatened to bite cause he did not like anyone carrying him. Danko looked Doggie in the eye, and told him, 'Look here, you're injured and I need to get you in the car to get it checked.' And when he tried carried Doggie again, Doggie allowed it.
It almost seemed like he had pride or being independent and in control. Yet he reasoned and allowed it.

Okie, you might think I'm bonkers to even think my dogs had such intelligence and character, but any dog-lover would agree to it. Sometimes I think I love dogs more than humans!

And this makes it tough to be a good Catholic. We are called to love our enemies because all humans are made in God's image. And we are called to love because He first loved. Once, I read twice in different books on the same day that it takes no character to love lovable people, but it takes a lot to love the unlovable, and that is what we are to do. It might seem counter-productive to the logical man and I guess it would be if we did not attain the endless supply of Love from God. On our own effort alone, it would be unproductive and counter-productive, but nourished and sustained, it would be a great witness to Christ. And I guess, that is why I am looking forward to Accession this year. For once, it means something to me. For once I am eager for Pentecost!

But a humbling thought prevails..that we are mere humans...and as humans we fail..and I can only pray that this time round the conversion is for real and for good.

I miss my puppies at home...:( I'll be home this Saturday Einstein II and Rusty.

p/s: Havent given them their full name...Hmmmm

Patience

2010-05-11T21:14:00.002+08:00

I lack it.

I have no idea how to be patient...in anything! Be it waiting for my food to arrive, or speaking a little louder and slower so my mom understands me over the phone, I just can't seem to be patient.

I can't seem to be patient with people who have the diarrhea of the mouth, where sometimes it is nice to have straightforward friends, but sometimes it is annoying when they like making snide remarks. It is fine once or twice, but once too often gets on my nerves. And then they are in turn clueless to what they have done, and their innocence is so great, that albeit being in a bad mood, you do not have the heart to tell them, 'I am annoyed with you!' SIGH.

It is tiring pleasing everyone. Sometimes it is tiring being nice. People walk all over you, sometimes knowingly, sometimes unknowingly.

And I do not have the heart to burst at them, but I do not have the patience either! Half the time, I'm swallowing nasty remarks, so I would not offend anyone.

Why do some people just lack the people skill? I really do not get it..It frustrates me greatly. And my current lab is filled with them. Not only are they 0 EQ-ed, but in possession of really poor manners! Sigh.

What shall I do?

Off the hook!!!!!!!!!

2010-05-10T21:59:00.002+08:00

YIPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I started the weekend mentally preparing myself for my night call which was supposed to be tonight with that nasty man..and then Sunday morning, Jeya gives me the best news of my LIFE (ok ok...YES...I am exaggerating...pffff). She canceled her annual leave and took my call!

*choirs of angels*

ALLELUIA!!

Goodness! I was soooooooo relieved that I spent the whole day telling EVERYONE I met that I was happy...

Driving down to Port Dickson with Jon n Feli

Hey Jon!!

Yea?

I'm HAPPY!! *grins like an idiot*

And what does that have to do with me?

Yuh, I KNOW!! What a party-pooper! Feli was appalled with Jon's response, but I was too happy, I could not care less...:D

The funny thing is that, the very fact Jon responded that way showed that we were really close friends of his. And hence, I was not bothered at all and went on blabbering about how happy I was as he was busy with his handphone! Lol. oh yea, I was driving..

Unfortunately, women are noted to be horrible drivers..and although I have always been known to be a good driver, I tend to get a little over-confident on the road...and I think all my friends vouch for that. The funny thing is they all say I am a darn good driver (I can only drive manual cars....am pretty clueless with auto...:S Weird huh?) and after they spent a whole journey screaming in my car! Lol

And yea, my car is named Muff the 2nd. (Stop that! I will explain..and no, I am no perve to name my car so crudely)

You see, my first car in uni, was this really cute Kancil, and she was registered as MAF 5096. My friends had cars and they were all named, and so I was told to name mine as well. My brother (although he is 42, he is really innocent in so many ways...tech whizz who keeps calling Seal 'Scarface' cuz he is perpetually confused with Babyface the singer and the Lion King's character..haha) said hey you what'd be cool? calling your car MAF but make it cooler by spelling it as MUFF.

Being as innocent or worse, I told Bryan , Chia Wei and Rubern about it, and we all agreed it was a good name!

Rubern then fatetully watched an episode of That 70's Show, and 'our eyes were opened'!!

We were rolling in laughter!I attempted changing her name, but Muff stuck.

And since this is my second car, she is named after the first Muff.

:)

random I know.

151

2010-05-04T21:27:00.002+08:00

That's the number of posts I have! Pretty interesting for a person who never understood why people blogged...To be frank, I still am not too sure why..

Instead of going around thinking why people blog, let's see why I blog?

A) Fame

Ain't working too well...besides, I have much better ways of acclaiming fame...and besides, I would want to be famous, not infamous...but then again, anything to be known is it not? But, the bottom line is, I do not want fame, but I do want to know people. Having people know you could be quite a headache, right? Everywhere you go, you think you're safe, but they recognize you....Doesn't help that you look like a 'free-hair Malay' and you are 1.75cm tall! :S

B) Spread awareness

...of my life?? Nahhhhhh

C) Creativity

*crickets*

I think venting, and hoping someone reads it and see what's happening in my life seems to fit.

Aren't we just lonely people then? Needing someone to pay us some attention? People are such social creatures....then again, some aren't..and are pretty good at repelling people too...

My colleague for example, with whom I have had the honour of doing a night call with.

He is a married man of 40 plus, and he has been notorious for giving scandalous suggestions to female colleagues..

Now, am lucky because...I am the person he hates the most for buying him a mere bottle of wine for Christmas..

Hmmmmmmm....

*praying hard that someone takes my Monday night call from me*

*and still praying*

Sunday morning! :D

2010-05-02T10:22:00.002+08:00

Yesterday it was the first Persons Are Gifts team meeting for this new batch.

We started off with Praise & Worship, and then it was Ice-breakers & Group-dynamics!! First off, Poison Ball..

Each person is given a ball (fist sized..made of squashed newspaper..), and the aim is to hit as many people (waist downwards). When you get hit, you would have to sit, until the person who hits you gets hit, and then you're unfrozen and back in the game! It was hilarious! We then had the older ones (facilitators & trainers) against the outreach team. WE WON!! Boo yah! :P

Next was Toxic River (funny how most of the games we played had something to do with poison huh?)

A 'river' was created (two lines) with a breadth of 5 feet. The aim is to get everyone across. The catch is, the only way to cross this toxic river is to use the magical cap..(It was supposed to be this pair of boots, but we couldn't find one, so we went on with an AXN CSI cap. Lol) The twist is, you may walk in the river with the cap ONLY ONCE. And you cannot pass the cap over to you other teammates by throwing it over the river (all part of the magic. :P) It was hilarious. This small fellow was utterly terrified when he realized he had to carry someone over! The look of terror on his face....priceless...Lol.

The last was a rather nameless activity (must Feli what the name was) whereby the group make a circle, with their backs facing the inner circle. And it is filled with balloons. The aim is to walk from one point to another without letting any of the balloons fall bellow the level of their backs.. Poor kids were direction less.. One shouted go left, and the kids directly behind them went right (their left). Cute..

The most important fact was that the team really got to break the ice, and learn some real values in teamwork. In the discussion of the toxic river, some refused to participate in the discussion, but when they realized they might just be left behind and not solve the problem, they started getting right into it. There was a natural leader, and of course they were people who could not trust the partner to carry them across. Some gave up really fast, some persisted (even till aafter the game ended). It was very educational even to me.

I felt so much joy seeing this kids being empowered. I felt even more joy when the PAG team created such a safe, positive zone for them. Still, negativity seeped in on in a while, but it was quickly nipped in the butt by the other peers.

I was just thinking of all the people who played such an important role in my growth.

Starting with my father, who prayed so much for me as a child, even before I was born. He was my first catechism teacher, showering me with endless picture bibles and teaching me so much of the lives of the saints and most importantly of God's love. He made it clear, like doubtless, that God was a god of Mercy and Love. That has never been a question to me. And I thank God for such childlike trust in His Love & Mercy.

Then it was my brother and my sister, whose lives have been such a testimony to God's care. They lead such good Christian lives, and though they are challenged even today, their faith has been such an inspiration. God protects and rewards a hundredfold. When my father passed away, we did not have the money to pay for my siblings college fees...did not help that my brother studied in the US and my sister in Australia, and all we had was my father's EPF of RM10 000 only. So many people came forth and gave us the money just like that. Some were strangers, others knew my father who did a lot of charity when he was alive. Not asking for repayment. And when my brother got his job, he got bonuses just in time for all my sister's tuition fees. It was a testament that when you live your life serving God, he sees you through. My brother and sister spent their whole teenage life in youth ministry, in the service of so many troubled teenagers. They made some very unpopular and tough decisions, but they pulled through.

And the whole journey....meeting people who were instrumental in calling me back to youth ministry. Like Jon, who was moved to start serving again despite the pain. He actively found a venue for me & Feli to serve in. God given people sent like Crisabel who was given my number and directed me to Ben, who inspired me to pray the Divine Office. And these people were all inspired by someone else. And I have been so blessed to have not been forgotten in the whole great big network of God.

Yet, I have to remember, to whom much is given, much is required.

I cannot say I have found it. I am still searching.

In the meantime, I have to somehow walk the talk. Ridding myself of distractions. Even some which is painful to part with. Growing is never easy...growing pains..

I guess some beautiful mornings, like today's, is reward enough.

Have a great Sunday..:)

wow

2010-04-30T20:21:00.002+08:00

It's been 2 and a half hours already...and I have only taken blood from two patients, and ran two urine tests...the calm of a good long weekend I guess.

Was using the time I had to brainstorm (alone) on team building games for this bunch of 13-16 year olds I am gonna work with..There were some really hilarious ones, like in this book called Play It! by Wayne Rice & Mike Yaconelli, there is this game called Ha-ha, where the kids are told to lie on each other's belly in a line (one extending to the right and the other to the left) and the first kid say 'Ha' and the second says 'Ha-Ha' and the 3rd says 'Ha-Ha-Ha' and it goes on till someone is bound to make a blunder!

Tee-hee..it tickled me..:)

It is always nice to let loose and let the kid in you out! It s necessary to be child-like, not childish..

Kids grow up so fast these days..my colleagues now contact their 6/7 year olds via their handphone! Another colleague asked me if she should get her 12 year old an i-Pod or an i-Phone! :S

Being tech-savvy is cool, but the exposure scares me..Innocence is lost so fast..and even before they know the meaning of innocence..:( I think of my nephews and niece and I wonder if they would have solid role models to look up to besides their parents. Would they feel alone in a world where the values imparted to them would be so different to those practiced outside? Would they succumb to it?

I wonder at the naivety of some couples who just love babies..babies grow up into adults..and parents shape them! It is all well and good to have children, but I sometimes am terrified of the world I am bringing my child to. It is scary.
And as a parent I would be responsible for equipping this person to face this world alone someday...

Then again, I fear and fret too much..and don't get me wrong..I want a big family! (though I doubt I would be able to affort it...Lol)And I love kids too...:P just not ready for a relationship anytime soon. :P

( The ER is filled with so many babies tonight...cute-ness)

selfish people

2010-04-27T13:50:00.002+08:00

I had a bad day at work yesterday.

First of all, I have been bullied to come in at 8.30 for two weeks to help the phlebotomist draw blood from the patients as the patient volume in the mornings are kinda psycho (perk is I get to go back by 5.30!! woohooo!!! :P)!

So I began my day pretty calmly and happily..drew blood from this REALLY hot indian (married...dang) guy..who realized I was mixed blood....wooohooo... :D

Then at 9 I went back to the serology bench, when my assistant manager said, Pearl, could you please help the blood bank. And I said okie. So I went there, did the back-breaking job of typing close to 80 bloody samples (not to mention the donors, etc) and by 4pm I checked on serology (as I had to leave a rather new colleague of mine to hold the fort). By that time as well, the blood bankers (as we call them) were back from their stem cell harvest, plasmapheresis & ER call respectively. Thinking that they could handle the second round of re-typing those bloody 80-ish samples, I asked the blood bank senior if it were ok for me to return to my bench and help my struggling colleague (who looked really tired). And he did not wan to let me go. I was pissed off.

People would do whatever it takes to keep their own jobs well done at my place, and they do not give a shit about the rest pf the benches, assuming that they have enough people, etc. Its the same shit everyday. Everyday someone makes a snide remark over another's workload, thinking they are carrying the wwight of the world!

Why can't people put themselves in another's shoes? hw can one sleep at night thinking 'oh goodie, today i got my work done!! *oblivious to the stuggles of my teammates*

I am sick of the individualism of society! Everything is about me, I & me! When are we gonna realize that it is when you serve one another is when you find joy? See, the dynamics is simple really..

It is about not wanting to keep the cake and eat it too.

When you give in to someone, you know, stretch yourself a little to help a friend, that person would gladly do the same for you, and you in turn feel love.

I know it is bloody idealistic, but hey, it works, it happens.

The problem is when even within households, mothers are fathers are calculative about everything, even to who does the dishes tonight and who does it tomorrow.

When you say things like, my money is mine, and my husband's money is mine too, what kind of values are you imparting to your young? When you can't even respect your wife, do you think your sons will go be gentlemen in the outside world?

The family unit is deteriorating.

People are deteriorating.

I could just give up on people because everyone is mean, nasty, calculative, manipulative & greedy.

Natural law does not exist anymore.

Bleak is it not?

What does this one person do against the world?

Nothing, but hold her fort, and hope & pray that reinforcements exists..

Happiness? Happiness!

2010-04-18T13:21:00.002+08:00

The past few months have been much distressing to my poor nerves, pun intended..:P And yes,, you have to be an ardent lover of Pride & Prejudice to get that bit.

Well, did not help that I was making it hard for myself, allowing myself to start a relationship with a Muslim guy (nothing against my Muslim brothers & sisters, just that I need to be with a Catholic man, because my faith is an integral part of my life), getting angry with injustices at work, getting angry with men who have hurt so many women I know and love..I let it all get to me..

Until last week.

I just could not hold it in anymore..I broke down in tears (again, I know)..but I was fed up. I was fed up of hope. I gave up on love. It was empty inside..my birthday? Disaster...I woke up, 25, feeling HORRIBLE.

Then began a trail of thoughts.

You know, I have an awesome family. We might not have much money, but that has never been a measure of happiness in our lives. We have struggled with money throughout our lives, yet we have been all over the world already! We grew up with awesome parents, gaining the best of the chinese and indian worlds..in a country with awesome food! My family might be small, but we have so much of love and respect for one another..many dun have good upbringing, family to be proud of, some were never loved.

I have a million frens (Ok, I might have stretched dat bit, but it does feel dat way..) and most of them truly care for me..I have fantastic girlfriends...the best..I have so many good guy friends I can trust, and are like brothers to me..and the network of friends is continuously expanding! Good people, really good people..So many are cheated, abused, and alone. And sometimes when I feel alone, in the sense I get upset about not having a partner, how many can truly say they have loved before. I have. things between me and my ex, only the two of us would understand. But I can tell you this, and he would agree any day, that we truly loved each other. It did hurt the both of us, the breakup, but I must say, the time we were together were really good memories. For we were best friends, and nothing beats loving your best friend. For a long time I have been focusing on how much I've lost, but I have never thought about the people who have never loved or been loved! At least I know I am lovable. I know there is something in me that someone loved and still loves, for till today, we care deeply for each other. And every pain I go through, I know he feels it. And I believe him. And if I focus on what I have experienced in my life, I am thankful enough.

I guess, I am luckier then most because there have been planted much love, and even if life turns out exactly how I did not want it to be, my faith promises me that I will be cared for.

Today I am happy. I might breakdown tomorrow, but I know that somehow, someone will reach out to me. My best friend, my sister, my ex, some close friends of mine..I know I am not too alone.

Latest update: After some thought (one year of it), I have finally decided on which choir to join...have joined the Vespers group in SFX..and I am at peace with where I am right now. It feels right. People around me has affirmed my decision and so I am taking the baby steps towards, perhaps, where I am called to at church. Might have just found a new belonging....maybe...I will always have my doubts..blame it on my surname..(lol..poor St Thomas..:P)..but I am open to changes..

We shall seeeeeeeeee

blame it on women...as always..

2010-03-11T16:19:00.002+08:00

Today I was reading the papers...the star..an article on more getting married later or not at all..Uniersity Malaya's Associate Professor Dr Tey Nai Peng was said to have said that 'the younger generation was getting more self-centred, with modern women having high expectations and becoming choosy when it came to finding mates.'

When I read that, I took it very personally.

Excuse me. Women are doing better in their career, taking more responsibility and being accountable. And you call us self-centred and choosy? I have the right to make careful decisions for my future spouse. If the male counterpart cannot show that much of commitment, responsibility and stability, why do I get blamed for being choosy? Am I expected to settle for any Tom, Dick of Harry that comes along? And what? Be bullied in a relationship as female emotions are battered? Am I to settle for a bum just because he is the only male interested? I would rather be single than marry for convenience. I would rather experience true love than exist day to day hoping that my husband would show some care today. I am not going to be a slave to men. Why do we women torture ourselves to look 'hot?' Because our male counterparts are visual creatures. So why cant the men start 'torturing themselves' to be more sensitive to women?

Come again? Gender equality? Women don't want to be treated like the weaker sex? Extreme feminism has pushed women to the other extreme. Being emotional beings do not make us the weaker sex...And this is a perception drawn from a male dominant time..

I am just annoyed. Gender equality has been bent and manipulated.

Im gonna want what want. I want chivalry and respect. I want stability and spontaneity. I want simplicity and class. And I'm not backing down.

On a different note, it was disturbing to know that I am in the 33% of women between 25-29 who are not married in malaysia...Joy..

disturbed

2010-03-05T19:11:00.002+08:00

One too many startling discoveries, discoveries I kinda guessed...missing pieces placed...I saw the bigger picture...

My Uni life was almost a complete lie..

Not a bad one, but one which is to change the whole chapter in uni for good!

I thought life was pretty sucky s it is....I guess, my dear dear frens are going thru worse...*hugs*

the truth

2009-12-21T03:48:00.002+08:00

The truth is, it still hurts.

The pain is not always remembered, but when brushed to close to the past, it still hurts.

I was true and sincere, and I committed.

I can only pray for healing.

I wonder..

2009-12-04T11:35:00.005+08:00

A few days ago, the microscope light bulb in the satellite lab in the ER where I am based, blew.

i informed the necessary people that I now could not analyze the urine samples, including the nurses. Then after help came, and the microscope was fixed, I quickly told the nurses as I was heading off to shoot some s to the main lab, that the microscope was 'up & running'.

They were quiet.

Err, wht is 'up and running'?

*smacks head*

Err, microscope OK liao. *smiley face*

Oh.....

So I went about my day thinking, hmm, maybe she just never heard it before..

Yesterday, the blood analysis machine decided to have motor sheath error. :S So I the cancer centre nurses asked me to get it fixed, and I call the engineer for it, bla bla bla...it gets fixed.

Being the nice person that I am (hahahaha), I called the ancer centre and told them that the instrument is 'up & running' (mind u, not intentional, it just came out)

*pause*

means the machine is not ok?

Err, means the machine ok dy..

Oooo..ok ok thanks!

*puzzled*

Is it just me, or..you know....:S

*thinks*

Hmmm

2009-12-02T12:17:00.002+08:00

It was Nov 14, and I was cracking my head thinking who's birthday did I forget...I knew it was supposed to be someone important...I knew it was Yvonne, Laysha, and I just really cudnt remember the other..

Nov 22, came, it was Prem's birthday.
Nov 23, Cheese,
Nov 24, mom and she flies off to Perth

And I still forget who it was...

and today I viewed his blog after eons...

OOps!!! It was his! My mind has been working at blocking him and I have been so busy and he has managed to stay out of my life so much, dat I forgot his birthday!!

I forgot his birthday!!

I forgot that he was someone important a long time ago.

It is really sad when a relationship is broken.

And this will never mend, like an open door..the halter is placed there, snugly.

Good luck to him den in his life and aspirations. Sigh.

Random

2009-12-02T12:01:00.002+08:00

I was on pm shift in the ER yesterday, and I was called to the resuscitation room to draw blood from this middle-aged lady. It was obvious she was in great discomfort..from what I eavesdropped...she had appendicitis removal, and sometimes, it tapes to the wall after surgery...and this would be a life long problem. She will have to abstain from any hard food, and spicy ones too. :S

Sad is it not?

Updates??

2009-11-29T22:36:00.002+08:00

Well, things have been pretty crazy in Pearly-land..

Work: I am officially confirmed as of July 2009 (letter came in October.....efficient eh?). I have a crappy boss, who infringes on our rights as employees. He has zero EQ, thinks leaders must go for all hands on trainings, so leaders will have all the knowledge and hence obtain the respect of other. He is racist against non chinese. He is clueless on managing ppl (ooo...that's the zero EQ part), his daily routine is stand around, checking OJTs, and telling everyone that their leave aren't approved. Okay, enough of dissing the boss....I have more responsibilities now. I have started ER calls, meaning I have to work in the satelite lab in the ER. Main job is to run urine analysis, and draw blood. Next month, I will have my first day-call (working on a public holiday means only 3 people running most of the lab). Work is awesome. :) Ooo...we have a Christmas exchanging of gifts too....we pick out names from a box, and I got a male colleague.........*help* what do I buy him??!! Suggestions??!!

Family: ME MISS MY SISTER!!!!!!!!! So I am headed off to Perth for CHRISTMAS!!!! BOOYAHHHHHHHHHHHH!! My oldest bro, my mom and I will be there for Christmas. It's exciting. I do feel sad that my second bro and his family would be here though....I will miss Sanjay banjay pudding and pie....(nephew)..And I need to buy Matthew some pressies....Hmmm......he likes reading, especially encyclopedic stuff....Emma-bamma is a typical lil girl....shall I get her her first barbie in the footsteps of her very happening, beautiful, intelligent aunt?? Hahahahha....Maybe maybe...:P Relationship with the family has been ok. Prem has been very supportivee and sensitive to my struggles, whch is very comforting. I have been a lil more open to the family, being honest by admitting dat I do get very lonely in KL. I guess it helps dat they noe..

Church: It's the liturgical new year! It almost feels like a brand new start...A new beginning, another chance to do things right. I have made my resolutions for the year, need some fine tuning, but i have a rough estimate. I am definitely gonna surround myself with healthier people. Sieve out people I tend to deviate with. Got a few opportunities to serve, am just gonna weight and view my options. Neville and the catechism crew, caroline and the alpha gang, and daniel, gabby & viv and the choir. Looking at other communities to belong to...individual prayer is important, but community prayer also is needed...

Etc: Well, there is a person, whom I should not be seeing, who really clicks with me. And it sux dat circumstances would not allow something to grow out of this, but I am just grateful for his presence itself. The very fact he exists gives me hope somehow, or the sweet reminder that there is nothing wrong with me. Oh well...

So dat's dat for aquick summary...........ooo....might be going for ne-yo's concert in january!! AWESOME....(I dun fancy ne-yo, the awesome part was for th concert....Hahaha)

Thank you Rihanna

2009-11-07T18:37:00.001+08:00

You can't play on broken strings

2009-10-20T00:22:00.002+08:00

How do you you react to this?

You can't play on broken strings,
You can't feel anything,
that your heart don't want to feel,
I can't tell you something that ain't real

Oh the truth hurts, the lies worse,
So how can I give anymore,
When I love you a little less than before..

Damn terasa wei... Lol

Thinking again

2009-10-18T20:33:00.002+08:00

I know...Althea has said it a million times over..that I think too much..its true...but...

I met Fr Chris after some time, and he invited me to attend Teh Tarik & Theology! We had Fr Aloysius, a Jesuit to impart his knowledge on God, who He is. Fr. Al says often our image of God is that which is painted by our parents at a young age. If a mother says, if you steal something, and you think no one knows, God actually sees it, because He can see everything. The child would in turn grow up having the image of an ever watchful God. If a child has an abusive father, and we say God is the Almighty Father....well then....:)

Anyways, a guy said that he felt that God was not a person, but an entity without a particular form, existent in people, for example, say God is Love and we all have lve in our hearts...So that is what God is. Then Fr Al says that many books have been written about God, and Thomas Aquinas says that all he has written about God is true, and untrue. He shares the story of St Thomas thinking about God and trying to figure Him out, and he sees this boy by the sea on the beach. And this boy dug a little hole in the sand and was pouring the sea water into it. So St Thomas asks the boy what he was doing. The boy says he was trying to put the sea into that hole. And St Thomas says no, you cant do that because the sea is immense! And the boy turns and says, so it is with God! He is like the ocean and your mind is like this hole. You cn never fill it with the understanding of God. And the little boy disappears.

So another girl at TTT asked why doo natural disasters happen? And she felt that it is because we havent prayed hard enough. And then Fr Al says that God is not a puppeteer that chooses what and what not to happen. And I asked would it be indifferent to think that life on earth was a journey, and trouble and trials are just events to prepare us for eternal life? Like God could have stop it, but He allows things to happen as a test. Than Fr Al rebuts me by sayingthe idea of God being able to do everything is another thing ingrained into us from a early age, but is it true? So Fr Al says that God cannot do everything because He cannot contradict himself. And another asks about Divine Intervention, and Fr Al shares that though the Church teaches otherwise, he feels tht there is no such thing.He cannot believe that God will listen to some prayers, and not to others? That God will chose whose prayer of deliverance from illness he listen to?

So, I started thinking. What IF it is true? What if God cannot do everything?I do agree that God canot contradict Himself. He cannot make Hell into a Heaven and vice versa. He can't do evil. And since God has given us humans the gift of choice, would he change the heart of someone to do His bidding? What if I loved a man, and I felt he was the one for me. But because I look unattractive, and I don't excite this man, he chooses not to consider me. What if he is the one God wanted for me, but this guy chooses to go to the prettier, petite ones, and when i pray that if he is the one, let me noe, God cannot do anything because God has given him a free will to choose, and hence God cannot contradict himself and force this guy to come to realise that he would be happy with me?

hence it has been bothering me..
But Felicita put it really wel today..

She said, if Jesus "ask you shall receive, seek you shall find, knock and it shall be open to you" what would he not be able to do everything?...

THINK THINK THINK

Drama Over

2009-10-08T07:40:00.003+08:00

The Drama is over.

Whatever hopes and dreams (in that small aspect) is no longer.

I am learning to take it as it comes...even if it means coming right at my face.

The most important part is learning to trust Him in all that I do. Sometimes, it is so hard, I feel like giving up. But, I cannot do so. Trouble actually help us grow into stronger people. It allows for better things to come. But at that moment of feeling it, it is so difficult...like right now. Rejection, no matter how subtle is still a rejection. And being human, I am being honest with my emotions.

Still, I smile. :)

Carpe Diem!!

Happy?

2009-09-28T23:23:00.002+08:00

Wow.

I had a fantastic weekend with my purpose driven life bunch. We had so many exciting thoughts, plans, dreams!

Feli was cute...she comes up with this random questions to get us talking...she asked Helena to describe each of us in 3 words..Helena said I was Happy, Feisty and Passionate..

Wow...I was so affirmed. Happy?

I am happy!

look people...I am finally happy again! :)

we ca fix ourselves after all...

Crossroads

2009-09-17T01:23:00.002+08:00

Today, I thank God for allowing me to vent to Jon, which was much needed I think...and he being his very patient self, really listened, argued, rationalized and finally calmed me down, in a not too melancholic way.

While I have so many friends from all walks of life, I m especially lacking in friends who share my passion in youth ministry the none-short-cut way. It is awesome to rediscover the passion and to know it still burns...perhaps now with more depth, and the affirmation I receive from people I respect a lot.

I have been thinking long and hard, about what I want in life. I have been struggling with a very unhappy state for some time, and at the end of the day, I had to finally it myself down and look squarely at the problem. And it has always been that I was not doing what I loved doing all this while.

Rubern has been telling me so many times to do what I loved before, and that was church and youth ministry. I always knew he was right, but it was a time I had to be off on my way and struggle. And in the struggle, much was learned, and remembered. And though it will be tough to release the vices, never easy to walk the right path, at least it will be more hopeful for those who think there is no hope for them.

And now, with all the 'little sisters' I can reach out to, I am so glad. I am glad to help with their personal lives, with their struggles in the church, with the struggles in their group of frens, their relationships.

So, if I'm missing from the blogsphere, dun worry, am in good hands...:)

BRYAN!! seriously miss uuuuuuuuu...:(

So tough to let go

2009-09-16T01:35:00.003+08:00

Not of RC n SS, but of the person.

The feelings are slowly growing. Sometimes I wonder if I think too much. So maybe if I can stop thinking, I will get over him.

Let go Pearly let go..of no 3.

Updates

2009-09-14T01:17:00.003+08:00

Well, my time has been very occupied.

Mostly with church work again...and I have gotten rid of the 'male-related' issues in general. It does not mean there is not someone I am interested in, but I am generally chilled about it.

I think it is the calm that comes with a more solid prayer life, and more purpose too. I have been attending the Vespers in sfx, pj on Sunday evening masses. I find it beautiful. Our lil choir, with collaboration from the LifeTeens, might be singing for All Saints Mass...sounds very exciting..

I have 'made contact' with the youth of STM, sj...I really dislike the structure of lifeline, no offense, so I am going in to see if there is a general cry for change. If there is, by God's grace, I want to do something about it.

As for the PAG, IT IS BEING BUTCHERED!!

That is for another day to vent. :(

I am also hoping that my purpose driven group can go on to form a support group as we have learned to trust each other a little more...hang in there buddies, I will come clean with you guys too....really soon..

Work is not bad...boss is recommending me for confirmation......:)
Evil colleague actually had a good comment abut me..Thank God....

And with that, I gotta go sleep....late dy..nights....:)

Healthier and healtheir

2009-09-08T10:37:00.002+08:00

I am so much healthier now with better people around me.

I am so much happier too.

I have the right support, and the right attitude in place and in check. Like I was upset about A and G, but I managed to sleep on it, and move in. Thank God.

the day i was snubbed

2009-09-06T06:21:00.003+08:00

so, G was upset that A and I had something going on when I was working there a year ago. She had me believing she did not have any feelings for him and in fact told me to go for it. so when I realised that she was really hung over him, I felt bad and I did not extend my contract there. cuz G was a good friend from uni days. And I did not want to do to her what SS did to me.

After a year, A calls me again. In fact, I met with an accident going down to meet some of them. So I go back to the office and they pretend like all is ok. Me being naive thought it was really ok la. So T resigns, and they are throwing her a farewell bash. T is leaving the NGO and going back to Kuching for good. So A calls me again to go to bamboo 9 with them. I was reluctant because of G. I did not want to upset her further. So after some talking I told A that no, I don't think I'd go for it. he gets so pissed with me, but when I call him he does not want to pick up to talk it over the phone.

So I agreed to go after he was particularly sarcastic to me. So I go over, he does not even come out to bring me in. I walk into the bloody club alone. He passes me a drink, does not introduce me to anyone, and turns his back on me literally. I go look for G to say hi, all she gives me is a polite smile and turns her back to me. Like the fuck la. I did not ask to be there. I did not want to be there!

I go to A again and ask him what is wrong now. And he pretends like nothing is happening.

I just walked out of the club and got the hell out of there. Thank God Kevin came to the rescue. I was humiliated.

I really did not want to go, but A was so pissed, I really did not want any more drama. And then they give me this shit.

reallyhurt.

EEEEkkkkssssss

2009-09-01T21:49:00.002+08:00

Help! What do I do when it feels like I'm melting?

It is tough to try to act all cool and tough when that person is being such a pillar of strength, being an encouragement, and being so focused in a dream you share as well..

I need meditation...(bear with me, I vent here to get it off my chest and mind..THERE!)

xoxoxoxo

2009-09-01T06:57:00.002+08:00

Keeping cool despite the turbulent emotions within...

A good weekend

2009-08-31T02:32:00.003+08:00

Spent the weekend with 3 good friends in Ipoh. We bunked at the LaSalle centre next to St Michael's Institution. Caught up with an old friend..,It was very interesting for reasons I can't really disclose here...But basically, I found the common thought and mindset very very very pleasing. yet, it wass very bittersweet...

I ended up with a lot to think about.

We also ate like pigs!!! I had lots of yummy noodles...and topped up with Bidor wantan mee....YUMM!! Cheese, I hate u fr not taking me to Ipoh for food hunt! We ate in Ipoh Gardens....and we had fried chicken skin...lovely....like eating a drier KFC fried chicken skin minus meat....YYUMMMMM

But above all, the company was fantastic! It was such a breath of fresh air....

Bittersweet....:(

Also, part of the discussion was about naming one person who u need to restore a relationship with. Funny how that person was not RC, but SS.

I was in tears talking about her. And the pain is from the fact that she hurt me although I begged not to be hurt, especially at that time.

Also....admitted that I am cat-like..

Hahahahahahahhaa

SO what now?

2009-08-31T02:12:00.002+08:00

So what now, that I realize after all these years, it feels the same? So what now when I empathize so well? So what now when I know the duration of the friendship in itself is the barrier?

So what now?

One tear drop, den two, then 3, no it stops there!

2009-08-25T23:30:00.002+08:00

Yes it stops there..

reminders or no reminders,

what's gone is gone, from that ONE decision.

I was deleted, just like the message.
No use reminding yourself, and the rest of the world. No one remembers.

Yes, I'm definitely emo today, though it did not start out this way. I stayed back an extra hour to finish some work I did not want to keep pending. I went to the gym, and for some reason triceps extensions were not going too well. Tried calling Kamini out, she had prayers to attend to. Veena has exams. Karen is in S'pore while Fellie is babysitting niece n nephew.

Kevin is layan-ing guests at home, Murly missing. Weng Lee's gf is down, Cheese is tired. Joshua is too far away, and I did not want to ask the rest out...9 were bad enough!

And he had to pretend to have a heart when neither have any feeling of remorse! It had to be on a day I was super hungry also la. P was drunk and in the drunkedness asked me out! :S Running from D, M and J. Did not wanna reply their messages..so I did, relunctantly...

I am resorted to say the compline and get some sleep.

Life can be a piece of S*** sometimes. Sigh. It was such a pretty day. Have no idea why it turned out this way..Wait,I know, because I had to read his freaki g blog..

Slap me!

Only Happy When It's about Church work

2009-08-25T06:43:00.002+08:00

I've tried all sorts..

I dun quite fancy self-developmental programmes that are not Church-based. Somehow, it never gels with me. I have been to many commendable movement meetings..Interact which is part of the Rotary club, AIESEC, I've been given a taste of Apex, and I've seen (roughly) a toasmasters gathering....

In all 4, it was very fraternal. In a way, I found them a tad sad cuz the friendship n brotherhood had to really be worked on. The difference with doing stuff with church is the brotherhood comes very naturally and genuinely. (Especially in youth ministry..I mean there is more than a fair share of two-faced hypocrcites la).

Great movements, do not get me wrong. Noble causes indeed, but I feel most happy when in sync with the Holy See. It is always monitored carefully to be in line with the Churches teachings. Sometimes, in these fraternal movements, good intentions could sometimes turn sour as well..when groud become exclusive and belittling.

Whereas at Church, the rigidity of it, ensures that the reason for the group is constantly in view (BUT the are MANY that are tersasul as well la..)

At least, I thank God that the choir and our little Purpose Driven Life gatherings are pretty well rooted.

And I'm happy.

Very happy!

Something Stupid

2009-08-23T12:41:00.001+08:00

In the days when entertainment was really entertaining..

I love the 60s!

Another good night out

2009-08-22T02:49:00.002+08:00

After work I was supposed to chill with Kamini and watch out chick flick, The Proposal....tapi, Friday night, did not book tickets, only seats were in front of the bloody screen...so we decided to eat. Oasis so bodo, so we ate at KFC. After that we decided to go over to Bangsar to chill..

And guess what? We see my ex and his girlfriend with another friend! Kamini and I laughed our head off. She could not recognise him..And she thought they looked like siblings..:S I only thought they looked like kids. (Shut up Bryan, you'd probably be saying 'u bitter, bitter people' in ur mind..I NOE HOW U THINK!) Hahahaha.... Oh well, when I looked at them, all I felt was like I was looking into a window far into my past, where things were once a certain way. Oh well, they deserve each other la. Dua kali lima.

So we went to Bangsar...thought of Finniggans, but TSB looked good too...and so did that German pub...could not decide, but we ended up in D'Haven...and me, the new leaf, had banana milkshake! :D Squid fritters YUM-MY, but we did indulge in shisha...:D. Not too bad...nw I feel dry...:S

But yea, the upstairs of D'Haven has a laid back interior..Carpets, cushions and music is just right..n it's quiet, and it opens till 2am.:D

Now I shall do some work before slumber...might go to SFX tmr...:)

Happier days

2009-08-21T01:35:00.002+08:00

Bryan was right.

I needed more girl friends. Fun is more wholesome. And we're genuinely entertained. Looking forward for my movie date with Kamini n Veena tmr, probably a sunday in with Jessie and Althea if Melaka doesn't work out..Fellie and Karen and Geraldine when we are all more free ya? Alpha Banting is heavy eh?

Oh well, finally life is back on track. I'm re-focused, and re-directed. Meetings with some really good old friends is really refreshing..Old faces, fond memories and the consistency of the solid friendship built through the years...It's as though we never parted to begin with. Fixx-it actually worked! With a few major glitches, but yea, it worked.

So what's Pearly's week like these days?

Work, gym, choir, youth, girlfriends and more family time despite the distance..

Sounds healthy yea? Cuz I miss out the CHOCOLATES part! *grin*

Oooo...and since I'm on the topic of food....a must try if you're in KL is,the smokehouse in Bangsar....It's next to Madam Kwan's opposite Bangsar Village 2....valet parking for the girls out there if you're afraid to park too far off is about rm 15 for the whole night, so.not too bad I guess for safety..

The signature desserts were the Thai sticky rice and mango, and the BOMBE ALASKA!!!! Shortbread, topped with fruits and ice-cream, covered in meringue, spotted with cherries,and poured over with flaming burnt sugar!!!! Yummm....but I ha the creme brulee.....mmmmmmmmmmmmm....hmmmmm...

:)

And yes, hoegarden is good.....Happy hour, one pint of Hoegarden beer for rm25....Not too bad eh???

:D

Happy!

Exhausted

2009-08-18T21:16:00.002+08:00

I love this feeling though. It is because I know the exhaustion is not in vain.

Today, once again, I got kinda irritated with a few of my colleagues. not because they re bad people, but because of people management.

There is this one person who LOVES being the bearer of bad news. I think she is trying to break me because she is basically an unhappy person. She is insecure because I lost so much of weight and she cant seem to shed the pounds. So this married, mother of two, 30-ish lady, actually starves herself. I mean, if she were a teenager, I'd forgive the impulsiveness. Even if she were in her early 20s...But come on! you're in your 30s and can even understand that skipping meals is bad for your metabolism?? And ultimately wont help in weight loss? Sigh. She likes being cynical, and I think she hates it when I purposely ignore it, and continue smiling. :)

Stupid.

So, yesterday was a Monday, and now with the new rapid test kit for influenza A and B, doctors are in love with digging their patients' noses! (The kit requires a nasal swab sample). That does not mean that the normal respiratory virus screening had ceased...Did not help that I am not able to read the slides I prepared as well....and hence with so many variables, Monday was a complete disaster. So I come to work bright and early Tuesday morning, happily walking knowing JV (my pillar of sanity in the insanity!)would be back from her leave, and here comes adolescent woman, and smears my day with bad news, almost happy I made a slip up!

I did not key in the results of a rapid test in the midst of the chaos that was Monday. felt horrible for the nurse that had to face the Lucky patient. It was my fault. Yet, there was absolutely nothing else I could have done to make it better..
So move on. Learn and move on.

So the bosses came in to talk to the whole bench. And I owned up before anything could happen and explained why. See, Monday I told my boss I could not handle it. They just assigned someone from the spinning bench to help. These monkeys are total idiots. They smile in front of the boss, and say OK. Yes. *BIG SMILE* and then buat bodoh about the whole situation.
If you cannot commit, say you can't.

Then I have a peer, who came in about the same time as I did. Well I understand her situation. She wanted to help genuinely with another colleague of mine on MC. But she kinda mess things up. Problem is she was very confident of her work and did not ask for help when things got bad. Now one machine is down. :S And some of the very important tests can't be run... now the rest of the colleagues, they ought to have sat her down and told her why she messed up so badly. See, when you're aggressive when correcting a person, the person would be defensive. Simple mathematics. Now, why on earth do you need to practically shout at each other (IN TAMIL) how she made a big mess. It could have been more productive. (THANK GOD JV IS BACK)

I'm exhausted from listening to A bitch about B and B whine about A.. I'm a lttle annoyed that I am doing extra work so I can have a little peace and quiet in the lab. K needs voice control classes...:S

Oh well. i've bitched my share....Now, time to get some rest and get ready for tmr. Btw, did I mention I have fantastic bosses?

nights.

in need of repair

2009-08-11T23:30:00.000+08:00

something's really wrong somewhere..

irritated

2009-08-10T12:24:00.002+08:00

I dun get it.

Why do people like gossip??

I mean, we are all curious beings, I admit, but asking about everything and everyone??!!

There is this student at my lab. She is about my age, a year younger at the most, but my god! the conversations she has with my colleagues!!

Why why just now ms *** talking so much??
What happened? oh yes ar? den after dat I heard ****** saying that someone never follow protocol..who who?

*colleagues talking*

Oh she ar? Why she do like that? Oh...

the whole day like this in tamil!! (Yes, surprise surprise, I actually understand simple colloquial tamil!! :S)

SO bloody irritating. How many times must one situation be repeated? How many times must you talk about how a person should be doing this and should be doing that...when I felt like screaming, YOU SHOULD just shut the **** UP!!

Yes, irritated...

The lack of sleep is not helping....

ruski

2009-08-08T14:48:00.001+08:00

having ruski the way we used to.
thinking.

n wit a sigh, life goes on.

:)

I'm doing fine and well gals...just one of those fleeting moments dat get smaller and smaller with time...you noe what I mean? soon it'd be gone.

Food is the way to a man's heart

2009-08-08T14:10:00.002+08:00

Actually, that is not what I'm gonna rant about today..It is just a random inkling I had to type out as title cuz I can't believe how true it could...(emphasize the word COULD) be. A long time ago (I can't believe 17 was 7 years ago!!..:S), I spent my form 5 post spm holidays in Perth with my sister. Bored out of my head, I used to cook lunch for the family...Especially my brother in law..Made him mash potatoes, fish n chips, chicken fillet (mind you, I de-boned them myself....dun ask me now..forgot..:S)..He used to love it so much. One day, (having no younger sister, he took me as one he is VERY over-protective about)
he sits me down and tells me very seriously, Pearly, never cook for your guy friends. And I asked why? He said, owh, caused they'd be all over you...don't you know the way to a man's heart is through his stomach?? I dun want them fellas to be giving you troubles...

*blank*

back then, men did not know I existed...correction..back then, boys forgot I was a girl..:S

Oh well...recently, after the accident, I have decided to dabble in baking. It's therapeutic...the aroma of your hard work floating from your kitchen....priceless.

Well, this was my first attempt on a fruit cake, and damn it was real good....But the cake was HUGE!

So I brought it to work, gave half of it to my colleagues...smart me..now I have to write down the recipe for that half of my colleagues! :S Den I had a bit left and brought it to my gym. Lol. Yes, I feed my trainers with food I can't finish..Heh...Maybe that's why they love me...Anyhoo..There's this John Abraham look-a-like..he is my personal trainer..who has problems keeping his hormones to himself...oh well, he had been so freaking busy, running up and down..I had to hunt him down to pass him my cake. Now he's begging me to bake one just for him...pigs..

couldn't stop thinking of my brother-in-law's words...

Den there was the EX, who'd beg me to make my mom's chicken curry..he's even willing to prepare the chicken for me, just want me to cook it! And CW who loved my pan mee....Unfortunately I don't think Bryan enjoyed any of my food...not that I cooked much back then..Hmmm...

Food and men...

Men bite as well...literally. It's innate! Talk about meat, in any sense...they'd be drooling...I dun get it...Wave a particularly sweet smelling bbq chicken in front of me, and if I'm not drinking, i wouldnt even take a bite...Just not a crave...Now, chocolates would be a different story altogether....the same goes for banana smoothies, and pasta..yummm...

And life..when it's happening, you dun have time to think! When it's dull, you had better wait for a pig to start flying!
Tmr I have to attend an annual meeting for all sime darby's employees...and tonight, I have an invite to mist, an invite for a thani session by the pool, and an invite to a pub in PJ to meet this traveller..and a totally new bunch of people as well...and to top it off, my colleague is bunking over..Now, what do I do...all 3 invites are tempting for different reasons..

Mist because it's club guy's birthday..And he is a good and damn tall dancer. :D
Pool thani because this bunch of people are interesting, especially the engineer dude, who has this real witty but tired look in his eyes topped with a whole dollop of cheekiness,and PJ cuz guy is a decent (probably gay) guy, who's pretty mysterious, outgoing, BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY...DECENT! prob is I wuldnt noe the rest of the peeps going thr..

Mist guy and Pool guy are people I met randomly, while Decent guy is a friend's friend who's prob interested in friend's sister, but decent nonetheless.

But but but...me just wanna attend mass, and sleep.

:D

WE shall see.....

Men=babies

2009-08-04T23:04:00.002+08:00

Men are such babies.

It is so difficult to look after their emotional needs, especially since it is the more undeveloped aspect of the masculine.

And when they are more intuned with the inner self....they go overboard!

Maybe I have reached a point where I am pretty complete as a person, I do no want another to depend on me. I need a person who is complete as he is right now, and we can both make each other lives better...not 'I can't live without you' situation.

I have seriously had it with the Men-babies..

Details later, I need sleep now.

Me, a typical (but hawt) Aunt!!

2009-07-31T00:14:00.002+08:00

That's my nephew featured on the webpage of his school....He is the kid on the right of the girl with the hat, backrow of course!

*beaming with pride*

Matu-batu

*still grinning*

in the pantry

2009-07-28T13:35:00.002+08:00

i'm in the pantry with my colleagues...

one's just got pregnant! woohoo...congrats! One is so slim altho she eats like a pig!! Hehe...no la..she eats very well and is so slim still... One's son just got married and she is so happy that her daughter in law cleans her son's room. Haha. One only has fruits for lunch and another is an amazingly youthful person, altho she looks like a graceful punjabi aunty and had tickets to rihanna's concert! Lol.

The little little learn about people are actually important. I think these are the things that gives familiarity, not where they live, or what's their jobs... Your know the general
info you obtain in 'cliche' conversations...

In communication, there are 5 levels, I dun think I can recall all of them, but I do remember cliche level, where it's more of a hi and bye thing, and the greatest is peak level where words are not necessary. Makes you think of aliens huh? And I do not know why for some weird reason, whenever they cast aliens in movies, they must always tilt their heads when staring into your eyes when trying to communicate or pierce into you brains.... I mean that is how we communicate, but do you think aliens would have the same type of body language?

excuse the randomness...massive migraine... wanted to doze for a while....but when u hv tthe internet.....lol..

gotta go...ciaoz..

Blessed with good friends

2009-07-26T04:00:00.002+08:00

I went to meet Kamini for tea today. Wore a new top from Nichii and 3/4 jeans wit my heels...my typical outfit. we were just enjoying a nice conversation in Bangsar Village, and Kamini asks me to go clubbing with her n her sister and a tall guy (the tall guy part was supposed to bait me la. Lol)

So I had nothing better to do, agreed la. But we needed to fix my outfit... My blue top was fine, but I needed either proper jeans or a skirt. Since Kamini was gonna wear her skirt tonight, we decided we'd do some last minute shopping.

I found her!! My one and a half 'jengkal' long skirt!! :) Got it from little.black.book! I looked good! :p Had a good time at Mumbai Se....and now, need to sleep....Nights people...

Good weekend ahead..

2009-07-25T15:55:00.002+08:00

Well, it's payday!! Woohoo!!

Twas a tough month, but worth it! I've gained all that self-confidence lost after the accident. Things are into better fit into perspective, and I'm more in control of emotions.

In the struggle of being perfect, I guess, there is a beauty to imperfection ...it is what makes us human. You know, it is so easy to have all this theory by the back of ur hand, but to believe it and practice it is a whole different matter.

Somebody told me this urban legend of a magazine that tried to digitally create this perfect face by fixing the 'best' features together, but it turned really hideous. I do not know how far true this story is, but I might believe that if that was truly attempted, the result would not be the face of an angel. The last month, I think I have come to terms with my weaknesses, many they are, and accepted them. When I spoke to an old acquaintance, he believed that trying to be perfect puts yourself in a corner. He shared how trying to impress his superiors send him into panic attacks. Well, it does sound extreme, but the truth is, it happens. I remember when I was back to work after the accident, I wanted to prove that I could learn what I had to in record time of a week (what others took a month), but it only sent me into deeper depressing-ish thoughts and emotions. The results undid everything else.

My father used to think that mind could overcome everything, a true believer of mind over matter. The example that my father was has given me the courage to dare dream of the impossible. Although, I would not say everything I dared try was healthy, but he has given me the belief through his own life as an example that the mind can overcome anything. When I jog, and it hurts so bad, I really talk to myself in the head, telling me why I want to do this so badly, be it for better stamina, for that date, or to release that built up anger inside. Today, I knew I was gonna suck real bad at work, being thrown into the phlebotomy bench. I had no choice but to just do it. And I have been told I think too much and over analyse everything, so today, I just got out of bed, dressed up, had my breakfast and walked into the specimen collection room. And I survived, barely scratched.

It borders indifference...there's a thin line being just doin it and having indifference...though it was hard when the baby I pricked would not stop bleeding...but yea, I had no choice. I just told myself, that me screwing up would not have been my fault, because:
a) i've been only trained for 2 weeks officially
b) all that bullshit my colleagues have been saying about having the initiative to learn on your own borders impossibility as when you're at a bench, they expect you to HELP all you can, to your dying breath (especially true with female superiors...I think that many women are poor leaders because they cannot dissociate emotions from mental decisions. I'm sorry to be so harsh on women in general, but I must say that in many cases it is true. However,m the better female leaders, make fantastic ones..). So that just means do not leave us when we need you.

People are selfish. when your leaders are not well trained to create a spirit of teamwork within a working premise, people think me, myself and I. I hate selfish people. My brother, once did a little internet googling on the church of Satan. He shared most of it sounded like a whole load of crap, except this on website. It's teaching was simple. It just said, you noe, we aren't extreme. We just think that you ought to think about yourself first. In all that you do, think of your needs and wants first. Oh it's not all that bad, we just think that you should all you can to get whatever it is that YOU want. Simple. Think about it, my Christian friends...Reflect on Christ's teachings and compare it to just looking out for yourself, your family and your loved ones....Putting your happiness first...the scry part is that, yea...it does not sound too wrong, now does it...That I believe, is truly the work of the fallen one.

Then I remembered the recent exco planning camp held by the CSS students of UKM. I was asked to give a talk on self-esteem, and how surprised I was to find out that a priest once blatantly said that self esteem is very un Christian. I found it hard t swallow, but after reading his argument, I must say, looking a it from that point of view, it made sense. Look at it, Jesus teaches humility, self esteem says you're the best! Jesus teaches following God's will, self esteem says you create your own future. Jesus says in God's time, self esteem says the world is yours! That is why, when you work for secular organisations, when it is about your personal developement....ONLY personaal developement...without developing others in return, you get burnt out. That is why Christian leadership is so beautiful. I can give everything up to work for good Church course, but I cant give it all up for something I want in a career, or in society. Which explains why I have so much potential in developing myself, but I do not, in the corporate sense.

All I really wanna do is formate the youth. I really wanna help teenagers grow..first spiritually and everything else will fal into place. unfortunately, someone, it is not yet time. And it is so contradicting, that some of the people I am interested in do not share the same views... We wish to find that half to complete us...as some would say, the two being separated at the creation of the world, hence we spend or whose lives looking for our other half, with outrnavels as a reminder of that separation (I think Greek mythology). But in all truth, finding that other person who'd share the sae humour, hence the same outlook on life, is very difficult Most of us make do with what we find, and cling on to it as if it were our very lives. Some let it go, and spend the rest of their loves regretting the decision. But it is such a waste of energy. Yes, a partner, a spouse would be a lovely thing, but single adulthood is also a vocation. Sometimes, our lives are ,meant to be devoted to something greater. Hard to swallow, but it is true. In the meantime, make yourself happy, but the indifference in me would be quick to say, if you THINK finding a random girl/guy to cling on to makes u happy, den so be it. just dun regret your choice.

Choices are made all the time. People fail to be accountable to the choices made. I gave up a Shell scholarship. I gave up a Star scholarship. Do I look less happy? I am very happy. Why? because I told myself, that when I gave this or that up, I really gave it up. I made myself promise that I would be responsible for my actions and would do my best to obtain what I wanted....to work with the health industry and study microbes. I decided to never look back when I gave up work offers from Taylors, Clinipath and Pantai...reason because I knew they were good offers, and losing some is part and parcel of taking risks. but the up point that I have as Christian is my faith that God will walk me through.

The richness of the Catholic faith is amazing. Reading through the documents from the second vatican council is truly an eye-opener. It shames me to know that in many ways, we are not giving God that reverence as we ought to.Look at how the hebrews bowed and worshiped Yahweh. Just because Jesus is our mediator, it doesnt mean He is less God for He is fully God and fully Man (not some herculean hybrid). And we still ought to bow down in that much of reverence to Him. Yet in Church we still see mini skirts and spaghetti strap blouses. I never knew I'd see the day I'd think this way, but I have come to understand, but the experience in Rome changed me for good.

I could go on writing my random long trail of thoughts, but I do have to meet Kamini in Bangsar, and I do need a shower. So till then, have a good weekend.

this is because JV said my blog has ceased to function

2009-07-14T19:36:00.003+08:00

Hehe..

Updates eh?

First of all, I'm involved with a bunch of people hoping to form a choir that would serve bring Sacred Music back to Mass, as it is said in the Constitution of Sacred Liturgy, that sacred music is considered more holy in proportion and is more closely connected with the liturgical action. through the two meetings we have had so far, I have come to realize again the sacredness of Holy Mass...to be present in Mass is to be in the presence of Christ.. and how we have watered that down through our lives.. In reverence, hen sacred music would be the more appropriate music to be played in Holy Mass...Yet, coming from a background coloured with youth ministry and campus ministry, I find it very hard to swallow..Will need more time to discern and probably talk to more people about this. For the time being, understanding Sacrosanctum Concilium and reading the Musicam Sacram is very very beneficial, and we have also been practising Veni creator spiritus, pange linguae and pater noster. It's been great, cuz Ben Loh (the leader) is a qualified choir master. We are taught how to better our voice projection... and in addition to that, most chants are in Latin. So it's definitely interesting to me..

Then Helena from Penang has encouraged Jon to start a group guided by the book The Purpose Driven Life.

That would require teamwork, and already have a feeling dat one of them is not gonna be as committed as I would like her to be. But I hope that I am gravely wrong..... This group would hopefully be directed to write and develop a module, under Helena's guide, for school leavers. I have no idea why won't they use the YE. I have a feeling no one is ready to be challenged the way Jesus challenges people. Oh well...it's their prerogative... I am just searching for a place to serve and be happy serving.

Let's not even talk about the ex n his girlfriend.
Gave a session for the CSSUKM exco, and I did not wanna fake anything with her so i treated her civilly, and she started mopping and complaints she cant eat and all...Lord please help me figure this mess out. Why aren't I allowed to just stay away from people who continuously hurt me? Why are you testing me so? To see how much I love you? If I'm willing to torture myself for your work?

Why? Aih...

Taman Sinar Harapan according to the star..

2009-07-05T17:25:00.001+08:00

The Star's article on this welfare home is pretty darn horrific!

Overcome with sadness..:(

Let it be

2009-06-28T03:22:00.002+08:00

Let go, and let God

Sacred Music

2009-06-25T23:41:00.002+08:00

Today I was introduced to Sacred music by Ben, an interesting character. :)

For fun, I shall show how I met this person and the gang..

This is how it works...

I knew Jon from Caritas days, where Melaka-Johor Diocese had started building relations with the Penang Diocese. Jon from Penang attended the PAG held in Melaka, and went on to bring the programme back to Penang. This was in 1999.

In 2003, Jon comes to Melaka to study in MMU Melaka, when yours truly helped a little here and there. Then Jon goes off to MMU Cyber, while I go to UKM. In UKM, I involve myself in CSS where I work with Fr Chris who suggests James and Caroline as facilitators for our annual camp. James and Caroline introduces us to alpha in 2006, and upon graduation, I am invited to attend Youth Alpha facilitators weekend, where I meet Damian.

In 2009, Damian invites me to attend the Charismatic Renewal Youth rally held in Klang, where I meet Madaan who works for Sound Tank Productions in SS15..a stone's throw away from SDMC. James invites me to help out in St Thomas More's Alpha, where I meet a bunch of people. Jon comes in contact again, and he gives my contact to Charlene who forwards it to Crisabel, who I happened to meet in STM's alpha through whom I meet Daniel who met Madaan in Sound Tank.. Geez...small world. Anyhoooooo.....

Ben, who I also meet through Crisabel is an advocate for Sacred music to be played in Church, meaning non-contemporary music in layman's term...dun get me wrong, it is not all as heavy as it sounds...just more "churchy".

The idea of following the guide according to the documents of the Catholic church is pretty interesting. The whole idea of the Liturgy of the Hours might sound solemn, but I must say it is truly music dat brings one to worship.

hence I am interested by the idea of learning up more on what the Catholic Church says about music allowed during Mass. More to learn and think about..coming up soon...

We shall commence our weekly Thursday meetings to discuss and brainstorm as well as discern further....

Anyone interested, drop me a line..will explain more...I have documents to swallow....:D
It would be a time for us to informally meet and learn more about this Sacred Music as it is apparently called, with Vespers and Lauds and the whole works in addition to the beautiful Liturgy of the Eucharist.

Coooool......:D

Fixx-it-time

2009-06-24T19:15:00.002+08:00

*cheeky grin*

Thursday: St Thomas More choir discussion

Friday: Laundry day

Saturday: Furniture day *grin* and maybe a good dinner wit Cheesy daddy!!

Sunday: Pearlytime

Monday-Friday: Bills, work and a new bench (Work!! I'm getting closer to my beloved Microbiology bench......:D)

SATURDAY: Girl's night out!!

Sunday: Hoped contentment. :)

Fixx-it!!

Drama

2009-06-22T01:55:00.002+08:00

Tonight I found out I might have been in a relationship which I did not know about..

Man was the most decent trainer in the gym. Never hit on me, always polite, and focused on his work. He was always punctual, and he was always giving everything 101%.

After a few months of Hi and Bye, we talk. We finally exchange numbers, and he invites me to his house to celebrate another friend's birthday. I wanted to go, and so I did. Instantly friends with his girlfriends, and warmed up to his family.

He takes me out for a drink one night, and is the first guy in my life to be punctual. We spend the whole night talking and really enjoyed each other's company.

He invites me over to his rented apartment to chill with his buddies. Thinking it is a normal practice of his, I go over. He was not afraid of PDA. I was shocked. It was not that I did not fancy him, but he was open about us.

Confused I confronted him, and he says dat we cant be an item cuz he'd cheat on me and hurt me. And he says that I'm the last person he would wanna hurt cuz I'm his princess gentle giant. (Yes, he evil...tease me as a gentle giant).

He knew me, somehow. He saw past the toughness outside. He saw me as a girl, fragile and gentle. He was so kind in all sense. And he never laid a finger indecently on me... He'd even ask permission to steal a kiss.

One day his fren asks me in mandarin if we were together. I immediately said no. And I told him about it.

Slowly, he drifted away. Withdrew.

I saw it coming, never expected more.

See, he is muslim, and I'm catholic. We both knew that.

Today I met his friend, one of his girlfriends...

She said He told them he was in a relationship with me for a week.
He never brought a girl home before me.
He only had nice things to say about me.

I was shocked.

She said they told him to end it if he was not serious with me.

About the time he drifted.

Especially if it would not have worked.

The friend is Chinese and his friend who is dating this girl is Malay. Complications there.

I did not know....:(

I'm sorry if I hurt you, mousy..
You really did give me some of the best times in my life. And you completed my birthday..Thank you. I'm sorry if I hurt you unknowingly.

Wished things were different.

things I miss...

2009-06-20T18:33:00.002+08:00

I am missing you although it's over.
I am missing you although I've moved on.

I am missing the better times, when things were perfect
But perfection never lasts.

Literally walking in the rain.
Our stay home meals, topped with a bottle of wine.
Our drives into KL where we just bark at each other for getting lost and make up later.
The day before my birthday when you watched me sleep and wrote me the most beautiful piece of poetry.
Our first (and last) valentine's.
You over-feeding me.
Our Titas and english classes.
The days in NLDS.
Our Melaka trip.
Our evenings together.
Our quiet nights on the hill.

Good memories. I guess you finally got what you wanted, me remembering them as fond memories, not painful ones.

Walking on..

Ooo..about CRUSH

2009-06-20T14:14:00.002+08:00

Oooooo...today is D-day...judgement day..Wenby, I'm counting on your scheme to work...somehow have a feeling that it'll backfire and he won't be frantically searching for me....:S

The plan was to make me a habit to him, den stop habit suddenly, and he'd apparently come searching. See, men have to the hunter..So I apparently need him curious about me..

You know, it's just gonna backfire..

And as sad as I'd be, I'd probably laugh my head off. :D

*eagerly awaits*

Tired

2009-06-20T14:07:00.002+08:00

Absolutely tired...

Blood bank was really challenging today! it felt damn good to actually sweat in an air condition building!! Managed 3 direct coombs test, one indirect one, one pre-cardiac antibody screening test, and a whole lot of blood grouping!!! Fantastic!! Ooo..ran across the hospital to collect a whole load of irradiated blood, single donor platelets and the lot..:)

Now dat is what I call a satisfying day! Did not help dat the back was breaking though no thanks to tummy cramps..

No gym today, cuz it's laundry day!! Goodness, I wish myself luck! :D the pile is preeeeety large..Hahaha...

Wanted to meet the friend from holland today cuz I felt bad, but decided not to. Super broke. That's reason enough. I have to last till Thursday. Joy..

Happy, today I'll have Pearly time!!! :D

Women Health Issues

2009-06-19T19:30:00.002+08:00

WARNING

The contents of this post may be too detailed for the faint of heart. The author shall not be responsible for feelings of *ewwness* and *ughness* at the end of it..

no animals were harmed in it's writing either..just in case you were wondering..

PLEASE do not read if you do not want "too much info" regarding female health.

Okay..so it's like this..

I've been generally happy the past few days..sometimes aesthetic!! I'm been all bubbles and giggles and sugar coated candy. Been looking forward to every message I send to CRUSH, been super excited when he texted back, been eager to hang out with my girl friends, been planning massive girl night outs, been ditching really really really super hawt *sizzling* dates for the "love" of CRUSH, been all smiles and optimism at work.....OK OK..YOU GET THE PICTURE!!

So, I went out with Club guy a few nights ago, cuz I think I've been cold enough to him and I missed having a pretty nice friend..I was all smiles, until he tries parking my car in the basement and the security guard doesnt allow him to, cuz it's past 11. So I usually just park outside when this happens. But club guy starts raising his voice and trying to intimidate the poor security guard. And when I tell him to drop it, he calls me a scardy cat. that was it! I lost my temper instantly, so bad I did not even say bye when I left him near his bike!

Then the next day, a nurse in my lab who suffers a lack of attn and spine starts saying I look free when she did not see all the work I was doing before she came in, I nearly shouted at her. I go out with Karen and Fellie, and I have a good time, and when my mom does something I explicitly told her NOT to like 6 times, I completely lost my mood and ended the call as soon as I could. And finally when I reached my apartment, my desktop refuses to start up, I call rubern to ask him what should I do. He tells me he'll call back, and when he does, I was already sobbing!

He freaked out, asking what happened, and I could not even talk! I just cried and cried and cried!!!! The last time I sobbed this hard was during the last 6 months in uni.. I could not help myself. I couldnt even get myself off the floor.

The next day (today) I go to work, and lo and behold..it's the time of the month!

This is so annoying! Ever since gym, the cycle has been more regular, and hence the PMS too! Bigger than ever!! I've never felt more "girly" in my life.. guess it's healthy.. I am happier, and more in control of my emotions, yet the magnitude of emotions when it does come is dumbfounding...

See, don't blame us women for being such mystical creatures...I swear..it's the bloody hormones...In Bridget Jones' words..."Bullocks!"

thoughts

2009-06-16T23:18:00.001+08:00

well...it is like this..

Spoke to a lovely girl today, someone I've known for 4-5 months? And in this time I've already had quite a huge amount of respect for her..She is a devout Jehovah's witness, who is nothing like all the rumours we hear about.. She is a normal, girl next door, who is absolutely gorgeous..(and as usual, all these gorgeous babes have no idea how beautiful they are...*smacks head*)

She really holds on to her principles. She is well-read, talkative, bubbly...and married! She is 27, and looks 22 la..She doesn't club, smoke, drink. She is as sweet as sweet can be..as wondering which planet la this girl from.. :) So I was curious about her la..seemed like a person who has it all together..

One day we talked about her n her husband..they got married at 22..had the same birthday, and the same age. Her first bf. Same religion. All fairy tale like. She cooks awesome food and bakes delicious cakes..She is like the perfect Bree..

Yet, even Bree has her problems..

Today she confided dat he husband has been MIA for the past year!

I was shocked. She always spoke about him and always referred to him as her husband. He just packed and left. No closure, nothing. No contact number..
And she still lives in their rented apartment, alone although she could go back to her family.

She has no kids (thank God, in the sense she doesn't have an extra mouth to feed) and she did not have a steady income till recently. When she initially had to start paying for the flat, she was using 3/4 of her salary to do so, leaving her with less den 200 a month for the rest of her needs...

She does not have her own mode of transportation, and she works really late at night sometimes. And she realy looks so vulnerable, and her flats...goodness. I am afraid to drive there at 11pm...:S What more take the bus...I guess once you're used to it, it's kinda ok..but still........

It got me thinking about a lot of the blessings we have day to day. Some of us complain about money, family, relationships, work all the time, when the person next to us might be having hell right here on earth and is still able to plaster a smile on...

A night to count our blessings, every one of them..

Good night people! :)

L is for the way you Look at me..

2009-06-15T19:26:00.003+08:00

I'm in love with love...yes I am!! Pearly is back!

*teeheehee*

Well, it could be partially contributed to the fact I'm crushing so hard on Crush. :D But it is I guess mostly I'm feeling more like myself these days.... with the addition of being a health freak...haha

But yea, I dare dream again! I remember the pre-Rubern days, I used to read all the jane austen books, and the other decent, classical romance novels, with no *passionate kissing* and *love-making*, but simple things like, the way he glanced, or paced up and down the room trying to get something off his chest. He long distance dat seperates two souls, but in the end that distance is bridged..happily or tragically...okok..this is too much..

But yea, it's nice to be able to watch romantic comedies and really feel happy after it instead of end up crying because of all the pain and hurt.

It's nice to believe dat that someone special is still out there...(maybe he is Crush!! :D).

It is nice to believe in loev again!

I wanna fall in love again!! :D

patience is a virtue

2009-06-14T21:57:00.003+08:00

And one i lack, i must add....

I'm an aries. Ram.....

We ram our heads into things...I'm very direct and i go get what I want. But, yes, I've been taught to take it slow with a few things...

But it is so hard.. I just hate waiting, sitting around waiting for some thing to happen..I'm the type dat gets up and does something about it! Cannot tahan...

But yet, patience has it's good...I've come to appreciate a lot of rewards from this patience I've come to practice...a little, but it's there..getting better at it with time..
Now, back to cleaning room..Laterz

uncrushed..almost

2009-06-01T02:07:00.002+08:00

This is typical me..

He's not taken..

The story continues...

:P

Help! I can't sleep!! Too many thoughts on the issues at home, the people, the work, the health.. Having a crush gives u dat girly light-headedness.. Guess it's kinda refreshing..or I'm plain bored

Crushed!

2009-06-01T01:57:00.000+08:00

He has a girlfriend..sigh..

crushing, not crushed

2009-06-01T00:26:00.001+08:00

Crushing on R!!

Random, I know..but I can't help feeling all light-headed and happy!

Nights..

Froze

2009-05-27T23:21:00.002+08:00

I just froze today. Tied the tourniquet, got the vein, but I kept second guessing..in the end I gave up and passed her over to my colleague without pricking her at all.

How am I gonna do this?

On the bright side, I found the bus stop. Bout 500m walk from my apartment. Body aching. But i ain't complaining. I can do this.

Weng Lee says I have to just overcome this poor "routine forehand" and stop "hitting the net" but putting all the bad mojo behind me....

I'll try, Weng Lee. Thanks for the advice...At least he listens.

Met a few more girls I can go out with. Shall go to Urbanatic next Wednesday to support Psytrus with the new girls.

J-man was supposed to take me out tonight, as expected tak jadi like at 5.30pm.. Expected it
dun care la..

I can't wait to start running again.

Shaken

2009-05-26T20:50:00.002+08:00

Could not believe how bad I am.

I went to work, braving it all. Thinking I was gonna ace everything...next thing I knew, really could not do it.

When I first tried drawing blood, it was fine. And with more practice, it kinda got worse, but I've always had a steady hand.

Today, I could not stop my fingers from shaking. The second person was worse! I had to go to the bathroom to just be on my own...

Not too sure what to do..

Klinik Sohvindir costs a bomb!

2009-05-24T14:38:00.003+08:00

Just my luck...

Been feeling much better of late, I went on to cook and bake n chauffeur my mom around town, leaving my with a horrible, horribly sore shoulder. Was resting at home when Tim called..He's moving in the same apartments as me...We'llbe neighbours soon!! So excited!!

Back to my story, when I was on the phone with Tim, mom started choking. She fried Ikan Parang for herself, and mom's notorious for chocking on fish bone! Reason being mom uses dentures and the plastic dentures covers the palate of her mouth, making it tough for her to feel the texture of her food.

This being a norm, i continued watching TV. After a few seconds, I realized it was longer than normal. And she came to me asking me to pull the bone out. Not having tweezers I went frantic, looking for my forceps.. Mom was adamant that I could get it out with a pin head! (these seamstresses think the world's problems can all be solved with a pin, thread and scissors!)

Told my mom it was impossible and ran upstairs to get my brother (who ignored my knocks on the door and shouts of "KOKO"..so pist!). so I ran down and told mom I have to bring her to the clinic. (Only then did it occur that my forceps were used on plants and microbes...*smacks head*)

The thing about mothers....bringing them to the clinic is like trying to bathe a cat! Getting her to the car took ages...So I finally agreed to have a look at the bone again. almost fainted when I couldnt see it this time! I told my mom to just shh it and get in the car.

So I drove to some 24 hour clinic next to Klinik Lai. I told the clinic asst very politely what was happening. She sits there with the most bored face I've encountered and said that doctor was out for lunch. I politely asks what time would the doctor be back. She doesnt look me in the eye and keeps silent. I repeat my question and she screws her face and says "Tak tau la..." so still politely and patiently I ask, roughly how long..half an hour? an hour? She shrugs talks to her friend (who during this whole time had the head rested on her palms with elbows on table...infuriating me further!!). Than without giving me any answer she picks up the phone.

Swirling! I was about to shout at them. kept my cool and called my sister in law if she had her medical equipment wit her. Unfortunately no, so we decided to go to Sohvindir...

At least the clinic assistants were helpful. As I sat down, the clinic lounge area was filled with flies. There was one of those electrical fly killing machines (dunno name), which was not switched on. Fine.

We go in, and the big Punjabi doctor sees to my mom. I tell him there is a bone, which I saw but later on disappeared. He, having an indifferent look on his face, turned to my mom, didnt even asked her to open her mouth and said, if u cant feel it wth ur finger it isnt there. I said she feels it's very much there. He says aunty tulang macam paku. or a needle. Kalau sudah cucuk, 2,3 hari mesti rasa sakit. Itu sakit saja. I started to worry...die la...this doctor also nyanyuk dy. So I lied, saying my mom said she feels its there with her finger. Then only he ushered us to the treatment room.

Thank God my sister in law comes came at the nick of time and I waited outside.

Apparently doctor was adamant bone wasnt there. My sister in law was the one to found it and took it out.

like this right, ppl in batu berendam will really die in case of emergency tell you...

Oh ya....the whole treatment cost us RM110.00 sahaja.

Hope you're having a better day.

I came home and straight went to bake a cake. It's in the oven as i type. SHuld be ready soon. Baking and cooking releases stress. Butter cake for tea. Anyone wanna drop by? :)

Hornbill Vounteer Programme 2009 (& other advertisements)

2009-05-23T11:30:00.006+08:00

I WANT TO GO FOR IT!!!!!

You can check out the programme here

*sulking*

The programme sounds sound. Pretty similar to how it was in the turtle conservation programme in mlk (which I want to hep with as well unfortunately have limited amount of leave..need to save it for the Perth trip I'm planning. Geram). It seems well organized for those interested, so do lend yur time and support if you have no other more important plans (Yes our ecosystem is important ok?)

Anyways, Psytrus and Daniel made into the finals of the Acoustic Showdown...first in the duo/group category.. Do check it out at Urbanattic, Capsquare, June 3rd, 2009. Sounds good eh? Anyone wanna join me??:)

Also, saw an ad in the Star about a play in KLPac called Belacan, Geragok and other Prawns..For those unfamiliar with Malacca and our very beautiful people (ahem *hint hint*) and culture, a rough way of referring to the Malays was Belacan, and the Portuguese Eurasians was Geragok (both terms highly discouraged to use...very rude), but Malaccans being Malaccans, marah tu betul betul sayang tau.... :) You can read the summary of the play below. Caught my attention, title itself got me bursting into laughter. :D

Let's not even start on MPO (but I shall anyways!!) Will highlight a few that did catch my attention, with easy to appreciate pieces..

The Classical Clown, June 21, 2009, sounds fun...a mime act accompanied by an orchestra (fancy that!!), Age of elegance, 4th n 5th July (pieces are pleasant..not too heavy), and (this I must catch!!) Haydn's The Season, with the Swiss Chamber Choir!! Me had goosebumps listening to them..Go youtube the pieces k..malas dy..although I think they sing in Estonian..:S You could check it out here tho.. Will be going for these shows myself..most probably...still teman-less.. lemme noe..

Wished you were here Lydia..:(

Will update again laterz... gotta go to the dentist for tooth fillings...accident causing me massive dental bills...

I'll be driving life!!??

2009-05-22T14:07:00.004+08:00

Yes, I've booked a Viva...plan is, since I've wrecked my mom's car, aka MAF, I ought to replace it (no pressure from the family, don't get me wrong). So, if MAF is to be saved, I shall drive the Viva for a while and mom can have MAF back. When I'm ready, I'll trade in MAF for a Myvi, and mom will get a brand new car.

However, if MAF is beyond redemption, then I'll be using the Viva, till I can work my ass to get another Myvi.

Scary eh?

Oh well, everything and anything is possible (possible an indication of a higher chance of success, not a definite one though..), and have to rely on my back, and faith to pull through.

Viva is gonna be white again.. :D Me like the brand new white..I don't quite like the other range of colours provided...

She's quite cute, although MAF is definitely more exotic (trying not to hurt MAF's feelings while she tengah nazak!!). Unfortunately Cheese's car is already named Frost.

Yes, Cheese's car...

is named after Emma Frost..

So I gotta figure out a different name for her...come to think about it...Eng Onn and I haven't named out place...we just call it our crib...it's too cliche la... Hmmm....now all we have to do is.....*think think think* (those who watch My friends, Tigger and Pooh would know what I'm talking about...)

and for those who don't...enjoy!! :)

Lucky me!!

2009-05-21T15:46:00.002+08:00

Why you may ask??

Ans:

Intelligent women, especially women with emotional intelligence, enjoy better sex, and foreplay (with their...I mean, OUR fantasizing abilities!!)

***************************************************************************************

Read an article in the Star today. Can't remember title, but when I got home (from nilai), went hunting for the same article on thestar online....unfortunately could not find it. However, the article above is probably what inspired the one in the Star anyways...:)

So yeah...BOOYAH! We may not be fantastic lookers, but we're definitely..err..luckier in bed! :P So boys...the next time you see emotionally balanced young ladies in lab coats and black rimmed glasses (hint hint), better look twice! You just might be missing out!! HAHA

*SUPER GRIN*

Anyhoo....been to the workshop which towed my car. I degloved my chin and chipped (and broke a tooth) my teeth because the steering wheel was pushed towards me due to the impact. The engine is in working order, which means, my car could be saved!

*choirs of angels singing,
"Hallelujah"*

Unfortunately, it all depends on the insurance assessor.. We unfortunately lose rm400 as my name was not listed in the people covered for driving the car either..*grumbles*

Just a note, for those who have not bought car insurance. The mechanic of 20 years said that AIG has the best customer service. They are very strict in assessing damaged cars and cars repaired after accidents in the interest of heir clients.

Will confirm/debunked this statement soon.

Hope you have a more care-free worriless day as to compare to me. :)

signing out,

Mrs John Abraham. :P
(the whole article's work k..)

Tooth fairy

2009-05-20T14:10:00.002+08:00

I wonder ho0w much would she give for a broken extracted tooth....hmm

Just extracted the first premolar tooth next to my canine tooth...my upper left one...so now I have a very very imperfect smile....:( and scarred legs...:( my two favourite features gone!!

Thank God I do not have my own camera yet, or I'd be disgusting you with photos!! Hahah

On the bright side, now I shall have to hide from public view for sometime...and would help me save some money so I can now pay for the damages.....Aih...

This really sucks..

But I am still happy being a bum...spoke to my "nephew" Ben in Germany. Nice to get closer to the family...:) He is the one who called me a bum in the first place cuz he has to go to work...he's just jealous....:P

So that's about it for today....drowsy....need...sleep.....nights...

Citrus??

2009-05-18T14:18:00.003+08:00

Psytrus

This is a very interesting person I came across a few weeks ago. Over a few drinks, we've learned a little about each other's lives and today I just feel like blogging (ranting) about personal satisfaction..

This guy wakes up each day, looking forward to enjoying his work...literally! He probably wakes up with that devilish grin plastered over his face, saying, "oh yay! more work!!" with genuine enthusiasm...because he loves his job! He LOVES his job!

I would consider myself happy, contented at the most with my job. I would not say I wake up with that grin all over my face! (Partially because I have a sweet smile, not a devious one..heh). I am happy to have a stable job with a good company...but that's about it. My dreams of living that crazy life of mine is naught but a dream.. It is embarrassing to even spill what my wildest dream is! :D

But I must say, not everyone has the guts to chase that dream of theirs... And most of us have learned to be contented with this semi-perfect life we've built. Sometimes, it is shattered, but always ready to be re built...in another semi-perfect way...Am I making any sense?

I almost had that perfection, semi-perfection I mean, and the accident burst my comfort zone...now I guess hav to rebuild it, and learn to be happy again....it is not impossible, but yea, it'll probably need a lot of adjustments and it shall be achieved...

Psytrus, well.....all I can say is,, hats off to you, prince! :) You're living your life! cheers!

Check his profile and music out in facebook, youtube, and myspace....pretty good stuff. :)

signing out!

pebblesssssssss

Crash Boom bang

2009-05-17T22:02:00.002+08:00

Well, as some of you may already know, I met with an accident last Saturday, may 9th, 2009.

simple really..

I did not have enough sleep, was aching from influenza vaccination and was too eager to get home....for thw wrongest reasons..

started my drive at 6am...fell asleep on the wheel, woke up, saw huge white thingy dat looked like the back of a truck, slammed brakes and (closed my eyes..felt like a dream) woke up to some strange (but kind) malay man who was trying to wake me up....at this time I was laying at the side of the road...

Degloved the mandible...which in lay man's term meant that I skinned my jawline...miraculously without tearing any tendon, and had some deep cuts on the legs....oh yea, chipped lots of my teeth..spent the next few days sitting pieces of my teeth out.

The impact of the safety belt was bad as well....my chest and abs hurt (now I even have blood clots lining my lower abs...feels like little balls under my skin...weird) and having bad toothahes...with the occasional bleeding stitches if hey choose not to ooze out some weird serum dat sometimes look like ous (my sister in law sys it is not infected...oh yea...she is a doctor...so yea...she's qualified)

I am lucky to be alive.

Very lucky.

Surprisingly, I did not experience the whole "my life flashed beforee me" experience....was squeezing my brains trying to recollect my emotions...I swear, if I died that day...it would have been so...insignificant.Like,it just felt like a dream. Nothing else.

Got me thinking...if I died...the only regret would be that I did not manage to revamp my life as I decided to just before the accident. And when I was in hospital, I wanted my family, and close friends. Kamini Veena and Kenny were such angels to come all the way. So did Cheese...thank you! I really wanted to see you guys.

Rubern, I wasn't sure...but I was glad he was there. I felt like I could just close my eyes and rest when he came.He tends to take my troubles away (when he is not causing them, that is..hehe...sorry for the pun, Ruby..:))

but more importantly,, I knew who cared, and who didn't. at the end of the day, the people who were always no 1 in my life were the ones who cared the most!

My family needs no mention....I love them to bits, and they'd give their lives for me...that I KNOW, and I appreciate...I have the best family in the world!!!

My closest, oldest friends....Kamini, Veena, Kenny, Darian, Joshua, Cheese, Karen, Bryan, Alfie, Fellie, Gin Jhen, Shaun, even Eunice..they were immediately there....I was so shocked that Arvind and Nurul came all the way too...and not to mention mommy Grace's scoldings..Djameel came to the scene!

but the accident brought me closer to an old friend, my "lil bro", Paul..

After all these years..I never knew that little effort made to reach out to a friend would mean so much...now I know...and he promised never to shut me out again! One of the many things the accident came in handy with....

Oh yes.....2 weeks MC is awesome!!!!!! :) happinessssssssss....I swear...

Anyways,sitting up is painful....need to lay down...Thanks for the many many well wishes...for those I missed out, my apologies.....head still...not functioning too well.......(ct scan came back normal I must add)

Thank you again, my angels...:)

and thank you Anyi for protecting me...I know you were there...I know it..

Phlebotomy

2009-05-07T20:19:00.007+08:00

Well, I had a pretty rough day at work today (the first time I will admit to that). reason being Attempt #2 at drawing blood was a miserable failure, attempt #3 & #4 were near misses, attempt #6 was sheer luck and attempt #7 was painful!! :S

According to Wikipedia:

Phlebotomy is the act of drawing blood either for testing or transfusion. It is a skill employed by physicians and many professionals in allied health fields, including nurses, medical assistants, paramedics, cardiac physiologists (UK) and clinical laboratory scientists.

So this is what I am to do for the whole of May...Wish me luck... I really need it..:S

Line-up for today:

It talks about the "wheels of health" complete with an assessment sheet on how healthy you are. Dr Walt Larimore considers a Health to be best defined by WHO - Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.

However, the also thinks that Spirituality is the fourth wheel that completes a person. As I have only started today, before my Phlebotomy Disaster, I am very interested to know how is he going to fortify his philosophy. He has so far been giving random, poorly elaborated cases to prove his point. I will just see how it goes I guess, cause the concept does interest me.

Then, I'll have to finish the movies I have rented:

(Half way, so I hope I finish it...:S)

Gin Jhen recommended this....we shall we......:P looks very familiar...

DISNEY!! :D

Oh yes, this is because I found this awesome place where I can rent vcds/dvds...makes my boring life a WHOLE lot better...:P And due date is tmr!! :S

Good luck to me again!

Signing out,

Mrs John Abraham

(Yes, it's still John Abraham season...:P)

Getting better

2009-05-05T19:27:00.004+08:00

Settling.

I have a more fixed routine now. And it helps. Mentally stronger, emotionally healthier...physically too.. Gotta work on the spiritual aspects though..Life is almost perfect right now. Almost. :)

Although it has been long since I have sat down with my Bible and prayed on a passage and meditate, I have always been talking to Him. The beauty of believing in what I believe in is that your God is your friend, your brother, your father, your purpose, your happiness, your everything! And I thank the Lord for giving me the faith I have. It is so easy to just push all my thoughts aside and talk to Him, in the car, in the lab, on the treadmill... It is almost like small conversations with this person who is with you at all times, going through everything you are going through. Still, I need something more solid to complete my life.

And this is the beauty of it all... I have come to accept that my life as it is now is complete, especially with more time in prayer. I have been keeping away from most vices, and I feel very very inclined to reconcile with Him. And it is always a joyous when that divide is bridged.

Just finished Tuesdays with Morrie (2 evenings of nothing to do in my lab did the job. :)). There was an evening where Coach talked about forgiveness. It's everywhere, the hint to forgive.

I know I am hurting the two of them (ex and his current gf). And a very wise person told me that the reason the ex is unhappy has a lot to do with the fact that I have not truly forgiven them. Probably the same reason why there is unhappiness in that relationship. Could not believe the kid left the rally I attended just because she could not bear to see the hate in my eyes...When the fact is, I know she would b so uncomfortable to see me, that I would have just avoided her and discarded the fact that she was there in the first place. Her presence do not bother me anymore. It's so trivial. Besides I can have a professional relationship with her, just not a personal one. Is that not good enough for now? I cannot say I hate them.. I care for them, I ask about them, just that I just do not want to come to terms with the fact they are together.

My ex has gone to the point of blaming himself for what I have turned out to be. But i told him that it was my choice, a choice probably made easier by the circumstances, but mine in the end. I have come to terms with most of the theory of things...but living it out is so challenging, and that is exactly where I need Him for the strength to do it..it is beyond human abilities..need divine help..

But yes, life is better. Life is perfect already. Almost I mean. I hope I have reached the point where I am happy being single and me. Been doing all the girlie thingies that make me happy....So what if I am a girlie girl! :)

I have been watching all the chick flicks, been pampering myself with long showers, nice perfume, facial care... that makes me happy. I do not care if some would like to think me shallow..So be it. I know what I am good at and where my weaknesses are. I am complete as I am..and with this new security, life is getting better.

Anyways, been on a movie spree....watched this show..Agnus, thongs and perfect snogging. Cute show for teenage girls. For us older ones, it is a good reminder of the teenage years..much happier times. :)

Very carefree, and dreaming was about all we did. Lol. Fun no brainer for me. :) The rest are not really worth mentioning...though I must tell Veena dat i have FINALLY watched Dhoom....not 2 mind you..the first one!!

I'm so in Love with John Abraham...He's my husband, btw...:)
Isn't he a darling?

Signing out,

Mrs John Abraham! :P

Dear Diary

2009-04-24T12:21:00.002+08:00

Everything feels like a roller coaster ride..especially the effect of these events on me..

At work, I am in a new bench, haematology..blood bench in lay man terms.. work is very manual, and requires skills at identifying blood cells especially. I am especially annoyed that the bench lacks system, and is so freaking hormonal! The very reason why I hated the idea of living with women..can't stand the hormones!

I am learning NOTHING there!! It s because the bench leader cannot control her nerves, and is so uncertain of herself, and one particular bench member is annoying! Thank God i like them as people, not as colleagues.. and I thank God I am still capable to separate the two identities..aih..

And it does not help that I am sick again. Tonsillitis I think. Went for a praise n worship session ytd night n now I can taste something like blood when I cough..throat is real sore...and I am not gonna get well especially after ths wonderful rally

Which annoys me, cause I feel they doing it all wrong! This is not how you prepare for a rally... Sometimes I feel like shouting out loud, "Lord, when is it time? How long more do I have to endure my desert??"

Does not help that my personal life is chaotic too...Do not know how to word it...wait la....eng onn my dear housemate gonna get our internet set up!! :D

signing out n back into bench full of hormones..:(

many many things..

2009-03-30T12:08:00.002+08:00

Well, it is a whole complex mesh of events, the past week..And it's Monday again. It is do darn good to just spend a relatively quiet weekend in Subang, away from the PLUS highway..which means away from rushing home to Melaka, settling 5-8 family errands and issues at one go, and listening to the vents and rants at home about the family, money, government, planet, universe, galaxy...you get the picture....

Anyhoo...

I messed up at work (or so I thought). Manage to get a probe to puncture a sample cup! And carry it along the rest of the processes.. :) Thank God, the probe supply is almost infinite, and the mistake made was a relatively common one. *phew*. Tomorrow shall be my last day at the Clinical Chemistry bench, and I hope I picked up enough to get all the papers signed. Am seriously thinking of requesting to be rotated another round once I am done with this one...

Gym drama is a freaking saga! First, another trainer, V has taken over me because M was not doing a good job keeping to appointments. Then, M has been spreading rumours about me and V...malicious ones. Thank God M has a reputation as a huge liar (pathological one man...) and people only half believes what he says..(Lucky me). Went for a bbq with more trainers..sheesh...it is a conspiracy...they make you eat so you pay them to give you more personal training sessions! LOL. Not falling for that one guys....:P but I have to say, the gals who prepared the food (chefs...literally! FnB lecturers now..) did an awesome job. I have never tasted better bbq-ed chicken!!!! :)

Well, the personal life has taken about a million steps backwards.. Totally decided to cut Club Guy from my life. Do not want to be mean, but seriously, I need a sharper man. Yesterday was the last straw. No more.. I do not care about J man either..a waste of time.

Gosh..no time.....cont tmr... :)

Tears

2009-03-22T19:36:00.003+08:00

I cant stop crying.

I read his blog, as I always do.

Just save me please..

Naughty vs Nice

Oh no

Rain in Melaka

New lifeeeeee

*Sreaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmsssssss*

sombre days

All about him...

Live High- Jason Mraz

Remembering

Tough one

last video for tonight

Random

Jason mraz is a hawtie...and a sweet heart....

Another.....:)

Continued nonsense..part 2

Nonsense...

BREAK IN! B@st@rdS!

one month 3 days, almost

sipping on lemonade

ARGHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhh

The Reluctant Saint

sipping on lemonade

Freaky

Excitement!

so many many many thingsssssssssss

emotions and a girl

Of travelling, singing and planning!!

One day at a time

Patience

Off the hook!!!!!!!!!

151

Sunday morning! :D

wow

selfish people

Happiness? Happiness!

blame it on women...as always..

disturbed

the truth

I wonder..

Hmmm

Random

Updates??

Thank you Rihanna

You can't play on broken strings

Thinking again

Drama Over

Happy?

Crossroads

So tough to let go

Updates

Healthier and healtheir

the day i was snubbed

EEEEkkkkssssss

xoxoxoxo

A good weekend

SO what now?

One tear drop, den two, then 3, no it stops there!

Only Happy When It's about Church work

Something Stupid

Another good night out

Happier days

Exhausted

in need of repair

irritated

ruski

Food is the way to a man's heart

Men=babies

Me, a typical (but hawt) Aunt!!

in the pantry

Blessed with good friends

Good weekend ahead..

this is because JV said my blog has ceased to function

Taman Sinar Harapan according to the star..

Let it be

Sacred Music

Fixx-it-time

Drama

things I miss...

Ooo..about CRUSH

Tired

Sreaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmsssssss