Boys

"They're chocolate cake, like cigarettes, you know they're bad for you but you can't leave them alone..."

Wise words ;)

Please be kind

I know that all I need to do is trust in the Lord who will take care of everything, but this heart is so broken...I made the mistake of allowing it to go to a difficult place, and I know the pain is a consequence of my actions...

I wished I did things differently, I wished I looked after myself better..I wished so many things...I am still wishing...I wish he was kind to the pain I felt, I wished he understood how much it hurts me..

But I wish him happy..even if it costs me mine.

Pro-life? Pro-choice?

Pro-life vs. pro-choice, do I really need to make a stand?

Chiara Corbella made a bold decision to stand up firmly for her beliefs....I admire her for more than one reason, firstly because she protected her unborn child, secondly for loving her unborn child unconditionally, thirdly, for braving comments like "What about your child? Wouldn't it be cruel to allow a child to be born and not provide your child with a mother?"

I believe every child, born or not is a whole person, and should be allowed a chance to live. But I do not know how to respond to questions like those mentioned above. Or questions like, what about the poor teen who was raped and got pregnant? Deprive her of an education and a chance of fully living her life? The stigmata through her life although it was not a decision she made? I have had any friends who had pregnancies out of wedlock, and I am so amazed at their decision to keep the baby. They braved the side glances and gossips. I also have friends who had aborted their pregnancies..I am not proud to say that it is so much easier to decide the latter when you in that position, when you hide form the light of Truth. If I were in their shoes, I think I would have done the same. :(

What about in the event a baby is diagnosed with a syndrome within the womb that would deny the baby a chance for a normal life? Some doctors highly suggests terminating the pregnancy so as to be kind to the baby. People would say that allowing the baby to live with a deforming syndrome is cruel and selfish on the parents part. An example..Lacey Buchanan

I cannot articulate it well, but I think every life belongs to God, weather or not he/she lives or dies, it is not for me to decide. but I am not able to articulate. And to be honest, neither am I truly brave to proclaim what I believe in in fear of rejection and criticism.

Maybe this stand is not too hard to make after all.

I am pro-life. Abstain from pre-marital sex with respect to the sanctity of the sacrament of marriage. Leave the rest to God.

Never a bed of roses

It's like life is perpetually dramatic! Seriously. From saving my sister and kids from overseas to emotionally wounding words among friends to break and make ups..Gosh...tiring! I felt so caught up in a whirlwind of happenings around me..I have allowed myself to sink in so deep. Making a conscious effort to keep afloat. I really do not want to sink to what I was before. Not going to do all those things I had done before in time of pain. So easy to resort to "pain-relievers" that end up hurting even more. Finally said goodbye to Musad. Not easy, not easy at all. Just glad that I have gained a real good friend instead.

Oh no

It's that phase..the ones in romcoms...the bit where Bridget Jones begins her diary....the part where I am not getting any younger and the kids around me are getting married or having kids of their own....and where am I? I am 26 going on 27, single, a little on the heavy side...and the crazy height (for an asian) does not help...I am hopelessly Catholic, and cannot do with a non-Catholic, yet I cannot seem to find myself drawn to Catholic young adult activities or groups...I'm being invited to a million weddings, and watching everyone else get married on FB... Where is Mr Darcy? Oh yes, I forget, I am supposed to hit rock bottom, get super drunk and embarrass myself in some public even when I meet that Mr right....and then I am supposed to either struggle to get him to notice me, or I am supposed to hate his guts and then embrace the embarrassing fact that I am falling for him, and continue to embarrass myself even further before we can finally be together? Or am I supposed to get one of those crazy make-overs (or wear some Fair and Lovely cream, or wash my hair with Pantene shampoo, or use Colgate of just do that Ugly Betty thingy) to get that obnoxious image crazy guy to fall head over heels for me? Or am I just supposed to sit here and wait, till some smug-married feel pity for me and introduce me to some equally pitied guy (hopefully as secretly cool as me)...or wait! Even that pitiful guy might be repulsed by my appearance? Or...even worse...we settle for each other??!! It just seem to painful to bear any one of those! So...I'm gonna sit put, be my crazy-fun-loving self...with all those crazy ideas of what a man should be, and be happy any way I end up, huh? :) Then..travel...oh God...now doesnt that too sound like another movie...? :S

Rain in Melaka

AH.............What a glorious feeling.....home with the family, cool cool weather, and no work!! What a TREAT!! Nothing beats this...It is lovely...The type of laziness that is immensely pleasant....not the lethargic type..the type that regenerates all those broken emotions and wear downs.....Feels like a bowl of ice-cream minus the fattening effect and extreme fullness......:) The magic of the rain............... :) *happy*

New lifeeeeee

The best part of our journey here is there are always seconds chances. Some people see their cups as half empty and hence would profusely disagree with me, but truth be told...there are always second chances...that is if you acknowledge it as one, and take that chance.. Why I say this..well..the last week, as I mentioned had been crazy...with some skeletons out of the closet in my typically asian, yet very westernised family...marital issues or issues that comes with marriage. Boy, did I freak. The whole wholesome image I had of my family shattered. Things seemed irreconcilable... Yet, there are always second chances..not as beautifully presented as it had been earlier, but present anyhow....sometimes, even 'ugly.' And I was proud my siblings took it up..and hence it is not about being fuss free, but what you about the fuss? Let it overcome you, or grow in it. Cliche, but I guess when it starts to make sense or to carry meaning, think it means you're older....*ouch* Things seemed so hopeless at work...with me oversleeping again! 2nd time in three years! God! Need to do something about dysfunctional alarm clocks...Feel like a character out of one of those books I read....dysfunctional young adult working all alone far from family in the big bad city with everyone around you getting hitched, and you feel like a complete failure, especially when the baby bumps are also appearing...and your fat, boyfriendless and slightly overweight (but u feel a million tonnes overweight tho)...yea..like Bridget Jones...:P Then it was really nice, that though I did make awesome gossip material, the ravenous cats were actually quite nice, and seemed surprised that I was capable of such a blunder...and I believe I am forgiven already....and now, this is what I call a second chance at making it right, in fact better! Of course when it happened, I was definitely seeing an empty glass all together! And then there is the case of Musad...now that one...I'm uncertain of how to look at it...from every angle I see some hope...some hope that he loves me and also some hope that I will soon get over him and we both move on in life....either way there is gonna be excruciating pain....but heck....what's life without it... We did after all eat from the tree of knowledge...now we shall now the experienciating knowledge of good and evil. :P

*Sreaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmsssssss*

OH MY GOOOOOOODNEEESSSSSS!!!!!!!! FINALLY!!! I got my new baby!! My lappy!! Its been more than a year since I had a proper functioning pc! And boy have I missed it so bad...the feel of my own under my fingers...typing away my emotions...good, bad...experiences...the richness of it all....GOSH!!! I barely know where to start...so much to tell, or not to tell, the inner fights between the heart and mind..the ugly...

Recently read Odd Thomas and am now on to Brother Odd...Must say I am thoroughly enjoying the stories...Dean Koontz..about this guy who sees the dead. I must say it did give quite an unexpected twist in Odd Thomas, and hence am looking forward to what Brother Odd'd give..:) Been watching Friends season one...remembering how cute Joey was, how *bite* Chandler was..the ditzy Rachel, the OCD Monica, and of course honest to goodness Phoebe and..well...Ross...there will never be another! :) Always a feel good feeling..... Latest movie watched was, the rise of the Apes....Jo (new colleague) was quick to dart back at me implying I could learn a thing or two from apes...*grumble* Work has been good, other than the fact a freak mishap happened just two days ago where my phone completely died, leaving me no alarm to wake me up, and hence I was humiliatingly late for work...definitely got the tongues wagging, namely the gossip b***hes who thrive in the lab, like the recently married, "I'm better than everyone,does the most work, most responsible and yet get fake MCs" M and the "oooo..I'm all nice and sweet...and need to tell the next earliest person I meet the most recent latest goss" C. So crappy la having such difficult women in the lab (which is why I still prefer living with guys...so much easier) But it has been interesting..in ways I shall not share...as Im uncertain if its a good idea or not...:) but it does concern a certain someone I just met.... Confusing as ever...Church has been good..till the point som crap happened in the family..and have been a little shaken by it..and I must admit...I am a little angry with Him upstairs...yet I know it is probably something I have not yet had full grasp on.. Till the nest time I log in....sleepy la...friend had some relatives come over....took up a little time and energy..but nice people generally..... ciao..

sombre days

The papers has nothing good.

Its Palm Sunday..there's this overwhelming sadness in the air.

I can't seem to detach from a certain someone.

And we are under staffed at work.





*zoning out*
Just one of those days I guess..

All about him...

The newest likey.....:)

Live High- Jason Mraz

:) We sing, we dance, we steal things....:P

Remembering

It has been great, the whole episode of weirdness...I have been able to remember the things I used to do and enjoy..the simple joy of reading, of writing, of singing, of playing the guitar and the piano...

I remember drawing for fun, I would sketch my niece and nephews...I remember swimming every morning in melaka...and how I cant seem to do that now in KL because...I just havent the guts to go on my own. :)

How often we forget ourselves in the hustle and bustle of life...There is so much I used to do....salsa, spanish classes, so many things...belly dancing! Haha. And why? Because we get obsessed with something that blinds us so....

I've rediscovered the simple joy of agatha christie..the good old murder solving! And before this all I was whinning about was how I am so hurt by M.

If only things were this clear on a daily basis...guess we gotta remind ourselves....:)

Good night...

Tough one

I had an earful from some good friends who were very annoyed that I was in touch with the first ex, Rubern. Since things were tough for him, I thought I'd be there for him, though it was kinda painful initially seeing him going through the motions I went through because of him

For the first week, emotions were mixed up. I felt sorry for him because I knew the pain he was going though..a little too well...which made me angry cause I thought it was unfair that I had to re-live the pain, and then angry that (I thought) he was so oblivious to what I felt the last time...and the wholeeeeeeeeeee stupid thing came out of the closet again.

Then I had a meeting with Jon and Feli, and we shared about how we were and I mentioned I was gonna meet him after the meeting...and I so did not expect the earful. Of course I was annoyed, what did they know about the complexity of it all? How could they even begin to understand how deep this hurt has been.

But the most important thing was that they did say what they said, cause it really helped. I went back that day, annoyed with the whole world, and after circling it, I decided to mad with myself for being such a failure. Here I was, a facilitator, a church-go-er and the same me was struggling with so many issues at the same time with no help at all.....because I was pushing everyone away from me...so I could wallow in my 'desolate' state.

That night I just prated and prayed and surrendered, everything, listing them down, word for word to Him. The next day, Musad started to act differently, and this time, I had the courage to allow it. And soon after, I allowed him to just drift away, as I would not have had before. And in all the pain, I just lifted them to Him, and offered it for all the wrong decisions I made, and for the teenagers I was working with. And surprisingly, the pain was not so intense.

The thing that my friends said about Rubern was more correct for Musad. And yes, it did carry some weight with Rubern. The thing was they intervened just when I needed it.

Now, that is community. Thank you Jon and Feli. I love you guys.

last video for tonight

the last one I think i can remember making me look freakingly goofy in the car in the jam is this one....I think he looks like a rasta john travolta....and he looks so...er...effeminate...:S yet if i just blocked the vid out...i still start daydreaming when it plays on the radio...night peeps..

Random

This one..hmm.....cant dance to save his life..and the video sux...lines promote values i dun think i should agree with...but anyways, its still sweet...(ah..the mistake of women....the soft-heartedness......:P)

tak faham la..the video and the song tak clik..dun u think? Hahaha

ah...grinning.......very goofy right now...:)

Jason mraz is a hawtie...and a sweet heart....

This one is special...it brings back extra special memories...late night strolls along the moonlit beach...oh yes....it so did happen...hmm...maybe its the whole ukulele thingy that gives it a relax feel...

jason mraz has some awesome songs...but to hear someone say 'I'm yours' is priceless........:D

STILL GRINNING!!

Another.....:)

The words are just so flattering....sighhhhhhhhhhhhh.........:) and the music just gets me..:)

ok...so cant stop grinning now....:)



Your lipstick stains on the front lobe of my left side brain??Lol! nonsense...
I like th part he goes 'the way you move ain't fair you know..' :D

Continued nonsense..part 2

okies...this guy's video is kinda interesting...he seems a lil artisitic...and sometimes, he may sound real corny (that i'd catch a grenade for you song...:P)..but still, I'm sure some of us know how corny lines still get you when the right person says it at the right time...:)



p.s: dang it..he's short...:S

Nonsense...

Decided to just share that literally puts a huge GRIN on my face!!

Some of them have good music, some lyrics are just so corny-ly good...:P


This one is on the list because of its melody...:)
Enjoy!!

BREAK IN! B@st@rdS!

Okay, so I had the weekend planned out. Was working 9-6 on deepavali, 6-11 on saturday and 6-9 on sunday/monday.

Not too bad a plan...

On saturday, i went back to my place after the call. reached home at about 11.15. Was happily chanting te saeculorum to myself, practising for Christ the King.

My housemates were away, two in melaka and another in penang.
Being home alone was never a problem here.


But I found the padlock missing, and my grill unlocked.
So I was like, "Hmm...weird..."

Then I proceeded to my door, and the keyhole was now horizontal (it was vertical)
I didn't like the wa this was going.....I was still mumbling the lyrics of Te saeculorum at this point..

So I turn the knob, and I was like' "Oh crap...break in..knob spoilt.."

I peeked in and saw all the lights on, including my room lights (which had been spoilt for some time now..hmmm). My door was wide open, and it was ransacked....

Instincts told me to back away...i went to the airwell, and looked at my apartment to see that the lights of my housemates room and bathroom was off...and I was still telling myself, "ok, ok, don't panic, it is a break in," when I saw the lights switched off!!

CRAP!! THEY WERE STILL IN THERE!!

Walked calmly to the lifts, pressed the button.."oh no!"...went to the stairs..."oh no, they might run through the stairwell!"...heard the lift arriving! Went into the lift and went to the level below it, and peeked at my place from the airwell..."crap"...

they must have heard me when i released the door..(the door closes on it's own)

Okie...called housemates, made sure it wasn't them there...called Kevin (superman) and then ran to the 6th floor, and called the guards.

By the time the security people got to the unit, the people left. went to the cops, made a report, (my fourth in this lifetime), waited for the forensics to sweep the place, spent the night at my brother's...

So there....break in Rhythm Avenue, USJ 19, Subang Jaya.

Bloody place, lousy security, even lousy management!

Time to move out, Althea, now I can take your advice again, get a house in SS 13,14,15,17,18 or 19, and not USJ 19! Lol....


I did lose the chain my mom gave me, made from the gold from my father's medals, and the ring my father gave my sister for her 16 birthday, and which she in turn gave me for my 19th birthday, the gold pendant my godmother gave me when I was born, my my mom's hip gold earrings.


I feel like calamity jane right about now...


Sigh....