Tough one

I had an earful from some good friends who were very annoyed that I was in touch with the first ex, Rubern. Since things were tough for him, I thought I'd be there for him, though it was kinda painful initially seeing him going through the motions I went through because of him

For the first week, emotions were mixed up. I felt sorry for him because I knew the pain he was going though..a little too well...which made me angry cause I thought it was unfair that I had to re-live the pain, and then angry that (I thought) he was so oblivious to what I felt the last time...and the wholeeeeeeeeeee stupid thing came out of the closet again.

Then I had a meeting with Jon and Feli, and we shared about how we were and I mentioned I was gonna meet him after the meeting...and I so did not expect the earful. Of course I was annoyed, what did they know about the complexity of it all? How could they even begin to understand how deep this hurt has been.

But the most important thing was that they did say what they said, cause it really helped. I went back that day, annoyed with the whole world, and after circling it, I decided to mad with myself for being such a failure. Here I was, a facilitator, a church-go-er and the same me was struggling with so many issues at the same time with no help at all.....because I was pushing everyone away from me...so I could wallow in my 'desolate' state.

That night I just prated and prayed and surrendered, everything, listing them down, word for word to Him. The next day, Musad started to act differently, and this time, I had the courage to allow it. And soon after, I allowed him to just drift away, as I would not have had before. And in all the pain, I just lifted them to Him, and offered it for all the wrong decisions I made, and for the teenagers I was working with. And surprisingly, the pain was not so intense.

The thing that my friends said about Rubern was more correct for Musad. And yes, it did carry some weight with Rubern. The thing was they intervened just when I needed it.

Now, that is community. Thank you Jon and Feli. I love you guys.