Rain in Melaka

AH.............What a glorious feeling.....home with the family, cool cool weather, and no work!! What a TREAT!! Nothing beats this...It is lovely...The type of laziness that is immensely pleasant....not the lethargic type..the type that regenerates all those broken emotions and wear downs.....Feels like a bowl of ice-cream minus the fattening effect and extreme fullness......:) The magic of the rain............... :) *happy*

New lifeeeeee

The best part of our journey here is there are always seconds chances. Some people see their cups as half empty and hence would profusely disagree with me, but truth be told...there are always second chances...that is if you acknowledge it as one, and take that chance.. Why I say this..well..the last week, as I mentioned had been crazy...with some skeletons out of the closet in my typically asian, yet very westernised family...marital issues or issues that comes with marriage. Boy, did I freak. The whole wholesome image I had of my family shattered. Things seemed irreconcilable... Yet, there are always second chances..not as beautifully presented as it had been earlier, but present anyhow....sometimes, even 'ugly.' And I was proud my siblings took it up..and hence it is not about being fuss free, but what you about the fuss? Let it overcome you, or grow in it. Cliche, but I guess when it starts to make sense or to carry meaning, think it means you're older....*ouch* Things seemed so hopeless at work...with me oversleeping again! 2nd time in three years! God! Need to do something about dysfunctional alarm clocks...Feel like a character out of one of those books I read....dysfunctional young adult working all alone far from family in the big bad city with everyone around you getting hitched, and you feel like a complete failure, especially when the baby bumps are also appearing...and your fat, boyfriendless and slightly overweight (but u feel a million tonnes overweight tho)...yea..like Bridget Jones...:P Then it was really nice, that though I did make awesome gossip material, the ravenous cats were actually quite nice, and seemed surprised that I was capable of such a blunder...and I believe I am forgiven already....and now, this is what I call a second chance at making it right, in fact better! Of course when it happened, I was definitely seeing an empty glass all together! And then there is the case of Musad...now that one...I'm uncertain of how to look at it...from every angle I see some hope...some hope that he loves me and also some hope that I will soon get over him and we both move on in life....either way there is gonna be excruciating pain....but heck....what's life without it... We did after all eat from the tree of knowledge...now we shall now the experienciating knowledge of good and evil. :P

*Sreaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmsssssss*

OH MY GOOOOOOODNEEESSSSSS!!!!!!!! FINALLY!!! I got my new baby!! My lappy!! Its been more than a year since I had a proper functioning pc! And boy have I missed it so bad...the feel of my own under my fingers...typing away my emotions...good, bad...experiences...the richness of it all....GOSH!!! I barely know where to start...so much to tell, or not to tell, the inner fights between the heart and mind..the ugly...

Recently read Odd Thomas and am now on to Brother Odd...Must say I am thoroughly enjoying the stories...Dean Koontz..about this guy who sees the dead. I must say it did give quite an unexpected twist in Odd Thomas, and hence am looking forward to what Brother Odd'd give..:) Been watching Friends season one...remembering how cute Joey was, how *bite* Chandler was..the ditzy Rachel, the OCD Monica, and of course honest to goodness Phoebe and..well...Ross...there will never be another! :) Always a feel good feeling..... Latest movie watched was, the rise of the Apes....Jo (new colleague) was quick to dart back at me implying I could learn a thing or two from apes...*grumble* Work has been good, other than the fact a freak mishap happened just two days ago where my phone completely died, leaving me no alarm to wake me up, and hence I was humiliatingly late for work...definitely got the tongues wagging, namely the gossip b***hes who thrive in the lab, like the recently married, "I'm better than everyone,does the most work, most responsible and yet get fake MCs" M and the "oooo..I'm all nice and sweet...and need to tell the next earliest person I meet the most recent latest goss" C. So crappy la having such difficult women in the lab (which is why I still prefer living with guys...so much easier) But it has been interesting..in ways I shall not share...as Im uncertain if its a good idea or not...:) but it does concern a certain someone I just met.... Confusing as ever...Church has been good..till the point som crap happened in the family..and have been a little shaken by it..and I must admit...I am a little angry with Him upstairs...yet I know it is probably something I have not yet had full grasp on.. Till the nest time I log in....sleepy la...friend had some relatives come over....took up a little time and energy..but nice people generally..... ciao..

sombre days

The papers has nothing good.

Its Palm Sunday..there's this overwhelming sadness in the air.

I can't seem to detach from a certain someone.

And we are under staffed at work.





*zoning out*
Just one of those days I guess..

All about him...

The newest likey.....:)

Live High- Jason Mraz

:) We sing, we dance, we steal things....:P

Remembering

It has been great, the whole episode of weirdness...I have been able to remember the things I used to do and enjoy..the simple joy of reading, of writing, of singing, of playing the guitar and the piano...

I remember drawing for fun, I would sketch my niece and nephews...I remember swimming every morning in melaka...and how I cant seem to do that now in KL because...I just havent the guts to go on my own. :)

How often we forget ourselves in the hustle and bustle of life...There is so much I used to do....salsa, spanish classes, so many things...belly dancing! Haha. And why? Because we get obsessed with something that blinds us so....

I've rediscovered the simple joy of agatha christie..the good old murder solving! And before this all I was whinning about was how I am so hurt by M.

If only things were this clear on a daily basis...guess we gotta remind ourselves....:)

Good night...

Tough one

I had an earful from some good friends who were very annoyed that I was in touch with the first ex, Rubern. Since things were tough for him, I thought I'd be there for him, though it was kinda painful initially seeing him going through the motions I went through because of him

For the first week, emotions were mixed up. I felt sorry for him because I knew the pain he was going though..a little too well...which made me angry cause I thought it was unfair that I had to re-live the pain, and then angry that (I thought) he was so oblivious to what I felt the last time...and the wholeeeeeeeeeee stupid thing came out of the closet again.

Then I had a meeting with Jon and Feli, and we shared about how we were and I mentioned I was gonna meet him after the meeting...and I so did not expect the earful. Of course I was annoyed, what did they know about the complexity of it all? How could they even begin to understand how deep this hurt has been.

But the most important thing was that they did say what they said, cause it really helped. I went back that day, annoyed with the whole world, and after circling it, I decided to mad with myself for being such a failure. Here I was, a facilitator, a church-go-er and the same me was struggling with so many issues at the same time with no help at all.....because I was pushing everyone away from me...so I could wallow in my 'desolate' state.

That night I just prated and prayed and surrendered, everything, listing them down, word for word to Him. The next day, Musad started to act differently, and this time, I had the courage to allow it. And soon after, I allowed him to just drift away, as I would not have had before. And in all the pain, I just lifted them to Him, and offered it for all the wrong decisions I made, and for the teenagers I was working with. And surprisingly, the pain was not so intense.

The thing that my friends said about Rubern was more correct for Musad. And yes, it did carry some weight with Rubern. The thing was they intervened just when I needed it.

Now, that is community. Thank you Jon and Feli. I love you guys.