Happy?

Wow.

I had a fantastic weekend with my purpose driven life bunch. We had so many exciting thoughts, plans, dreams!


Feli was cute...she comes up with this random questions to get us talking...she asked Helena to describe each of us in 3 words..Helena said I was Happy, Feisty and Passionate..

Wow...I was so affirmed. Happy?

I am happy!


look people...I am finally happy again! :)


we ca fix ourselves after all...

Crossroads

Today, I thank God for allowing me to vent to Jon, which was much needed I think...and he being his very patient self, really listened, argued, rationalized and finally calmed me down, in a not too melancholic way.

While I have so many friends from all walks of life, I m especially lacking in friends who share my passion in youth ministry the none-short-cut way. It is awesome to rediscover the passion and to know it still burns...perhaps now with more depth, and the affirmation I receive from people I respect a lot.

I have been thinking long and hard, about what I want in life. I have been struggling with a very unhappy state for some time, and at the end of the day, I had to finally it myself down and look squarely at the problem. And it has always been that I was not doing what I loved doing all this while.

Rubern has been telling me so many times to do what I loved before, and that was church and youth ministry. I always knew he was right, but it was a time I had to be off on my way and struggle. And in the struggle, much was learned, and remembered. And though it will be tough to release the vices, never easy to walk the right path, at least it will be more hopeful for those who think there is no hope for them.

And now, with all the 'little sisters' I can reach out to, I am so glad. I am glad to help with their personal lives, with their struggles in the church, with the struggles in their group of frens, their relationships.

So, if I'm missing from the blogsphere, dun worry, am in good hands...:)




BRYAN!! seriously miss uuuuuuuuu...:(

So tough to let go

Not of RC n SS, but of the person.

The feelings are slowly growing. Sometimes I wonder if I think too much. So maybe if I can stop thinking, I will get over him.


Let go Pearly let go..of no 3.

Updates

Well, my time has been very occupied.

Mostly with church work again...and I have gotten rid of the 'male-related' issues in general. It does not mean there is not someone I am interested in, but I am generally chilled about it.


I think it is the calm that comes with a more solid prayer life, and more purpose too. I have been attending the Vespers in sfx, pj on Sunday evening masses. I find it beautiful. Our lil choir, with collaboration from the LifeTeens, might be singing for All Saints Mass...sounds very exciting..


I have 'made contact' with the youth of STM, sj...I really dislike the structure of lifeline, no offense, so I am going in to see if there is a general cry for change. If there is, by God's grace, I want to do something about it.

As for the PAG, IT IS BEING BUTCHERED!!


That is for another day to vent. :(


I am also hoping that my purpose driven group can go on to form a support group as we have learned to trust each other a little more...hang in there buddies, I will come clean with you guys too....really soon..


Work is not bad...boss is recommending me for confirmation......:)
Evil colleague actually had a good comment abut me..Thank God....

And with that, I gotta go sleep....late dy..nights....:)

Healthier and healtheir

I am so much healthier now with better people around me.

I am so much happier too.

I have the right support, and the right attitude in place and in check. Like I was upset about A and G, but I managed to sleep on it, and move in. Thank God.

the day i was snubbed

so, G was upset that A and I had something going on when I was working there a year ago. She had me believing she did not have any feelings for him and in fact told me to go for it. so when I realised that she was really hung over him, I felt bad and I did not extend my contract there. cuz G was a good friend from uni days. And I did not want to do to her what SS did to me.

After a year, A calls me again. In fact, I met with an accident going down to meet some of them. So I go back to the office and they pretend like all is ok. Me being naive thought it was really ok la. So T resigns, and they are throwing her a farewell bash. T is leaving the NGO and going back to Kuching for good. So A calls me again to go to bamboo 9 with them. I was reluctant because of G. I did not want to upset her further. So after some talking I told A that no, I don't think I'd go for it. he gets so pissed with me, but when I call him he does not want to pick up to talk it over the phone.

So I agreed to go after he was particularly sarcastic to me. So I go over, he does not even come out to bring me in. I walk into the bloody club alone. He passes me a drink, does not introduce me to anyone, and turns his back on me literally. I go look for G to say hi, all she gives me is a polite smile and turns her back to me. Like the fuck la. I did not ask to be there. I did not want to be there!

I go to A again and ask him what is wrong now. And he pretends like nothing is happening.

I just walked out of the club and got the hell out of there. Thank God Kevin came to the rescue. I was humiliated.

I really did not want to go, but A was so pissed, I really did not want any more drama. And then they give me this shit.



reallyhurt.

EEEEkkkkssssss

Help! What do I do when it feels like I'm melting?

It is tough to try to act all cool and tough when that person is being such a pillar of strength, being an encouragement, and being so focused in a dream you share as well..

I need meditation...(bear with me, I vent here to get it off my chest and mind..THERE!)

xoxoxoxo

Keeping cool despite the turbulent emotions within...