Freaky

Okie, so I'm 25, single and very very very much young at heart! (Hey, I'm serious ok....people think I'm still studying...:P)

I have friends, who are my age and younger, and having kids since I was 18....fine...most of them did not further their studies and are of a different cultural background...

And then, now friends who are around my age, with the similar background, meaning people I could hang out with, are having babies too...and whoa...in a day, everything changes! Fatherhood/motherhood totally turns your life around.

Now, do not get me wrong, but I want to have children some day, with a man who is to be my best friend, and with me having all the stability needed to raise a family. I am not in emotional shape to even date properly, what else having a kid, and mind you, not blowing my bubble, but I am those who never went around dating in my teenage years, cuz I knew I did not know better, and am glad I waited, and had two beautiful relationships since my uni days, both with minimal regret, and have gain 2 beautiful friends for life.

I love my single life right now, I have so much about myself to discover and explore. I finally performed on stage, making a debut in the hospital only though,I have sang with a freaking huge life band, I have performed salsa for christmas parties and have it on youtube!! I have traveled to Italy, planning to explore south east asia in the next few years then fly further. I have plans to perhaps work overseas someday...so many things to do! I can go to Bali/Phuket with my best friend and have a whale of a time being spoilt as only a girl would be! I love being 25! I am only now ready to begin a solid, and real relationship, and enjoy being loved for who I am.

I do wish I could be a young mom, but I do not want to deprieve my chldren of the maturity I would have giving myself a little more time on my own. Gosh, the books I want to read, the stuff I wanna learn, the things I wanna do! I dun want to spend my life pushing my kids to try the stuff I never had the chance to. I love working in the hospital, playing a part in saving lives. I just love where I am now.

And yes, after all this, I do have insecurities... I am afraid I won't find a partner, I am afraid I will die, not knowing how it feels being committed to that one person till death do us part, I am afraid I will spend the evenings of my later years, strolling places alone. So many fears, but I guess I cannot succumb to it.

Corney as this sounds, I think this is something faced by many of my girl friends.. Oh well, at least I would still have my best friends around..:)