the truth

The truth is, it still hurts.

The pain is not always remembered, but when brushed to close to the past, it still hurts.

I was true and sincere, and I committed.




I can only pray for healing.

I wonder..

A few days ago, the microscope light bulb in the satellite lab in the ER where I am based, blew.

i informed the necessary people that I now could not analyze the urine samples, including the nurses. Then after help came, and the microscope was fixed, I quickly told the nurses as I was heading off to shoot some s to the main lab, that the microscope was 'up & running'.

They were quiet.

Err, wht is 'up and running'?

*smacks head*

Err, microscope OK liao. *smiley face*

Oh.....

So I went about my day thinking, hmm, maybe she just never heard it before..

Yesterday, the blood analysis machine decided to have motor sheath error. :S So I the cancer centre nurses asked me to get it fixed, and I call the engineer for it, bla bla bla...it gets fixed.

Being the nice person that I am (hahahaha), I called the ancer centre and told them that the instrument is 'up & running' (mind u, not intentional, it just came out)

*pause*

means the machine is not ok?

Err, means the machine ok dy..

Oooo..ok ok thanks!

*puzzled*

Is it just me, or..you know....:S



*thinks*

Hmmm

It was Nov 14, and I was cracking my head thinking who's birthday did I forget...I knew it was supposed to be someone important...I knew it was Yvonne, Laysha, and I just really cudnt remember the other..

Nov 22, came, it was Prem's birthday.
Nov 23, Cheese,
Nov 24, mom and she flies off to Perth

And I still forget who it was...




and today I viewed his blog after eons...


OOps!!! It was his! My mind has been working at blocking him and I have been so busy and he has managed to stay out of my life so much, dat I forgot his birthday!!


I forgot his birthday!!

I forgot that he was someone important a long time ago.

It is really sad when a relationship is broken.

And this will never mend, like an open door..the halter is placed there, snugly.

Good luck to him den in his life and aspirations. Sigh.

Random

I was on pm shift in the ER yesterday, and I was called to the resuscitation room to draw blood from this middle-aged lady. It was obvious she was in great discomfort..from what I eavesdropped...she had appendicitis removal, and sometimes, it tapes to the wall after surgery...and this would be a life long problem. She will have to abstain from any hard food, and spicy ones too. :S

Sad is it not?

Updates??

Well, things have been pretty crazy in Pearly-land..

Work: I am officially confirmed as of July 2009 (letter came in October.....efficient eh?). I have a crappy boss, who infringes on our rights as employees. He has zero EQ, thinks leaders must go for all hands on trainings, so leaders will have all the knowledge and hence obtain the respect of other. He is racist against non chinese. He is clueless on managing ppl (ooo...that's the zero EQ part), his daily routine is stand around, checking OJTs, and telling everyone that their leave aren't approved. Okay, enough of dissing the boss....I have more responsibilities now. I have started ER calls, meaning I have to work in the satelite lab in the ER. Main job is to run urine analysis, and draw blood. Next month, I will have my first day-call (working on a public holiday means only 3 people running most of the lab). Work is awesome. :) Ooo...we have a Christmas exchanging of gifts too....we pick out names from a box, and I got a male colleague.........*help* what do I buy him??!! Suggestions??!!

Family: ME MISS MY SISTER!!!!!!!!! So I am headed off to Perth for CHRISTMAS!!!! BOOYAHHHHHHHHHHHH!! My oldest bro, my mom and I will be there for Christmas. It's exciting. I do feel sad that my second bro and his family would be here though....I will miss Sanjay banjay pudding and pie....(nephew)..And I need to buy Matthew some pressies....Hmmm......he likes reading, especially encyclopedic stuff....Emma-bamma is a typical lil girl....shall I get her her first barbie in the footsteps of her very happening, beautiful, intelligent aunt?? Hahahahha....Maybe maybe...:P Relationship with the family has been ok. Prem has been very supportivee and sensitive to my struggles, whch is very comforting. I have been a lil more open to the family, being honest by admitting dat I do get very lonely in KL. I guess it helps dat they noe..

Church: It's the liturgical new year! It almost feels like a brand new start...A new beginning, another chance to do things right. I have made my resolutions for the year, need some fine tuning, but i have a rough estimate. I am definitely gonna surround myself with healthier people. Sieve out people I tend to deviate with. Got a few opportunities to serve, am just gonna weight and view my options. Neville and the catechism crew, caroline and the alpha gang, and daniel, gabby & viv and the choir. Looking at other communities to belong to...individual prayer is important, but community prayer also is needed...

Etc: Well, there is a person, whom I should not be seeing, who really clicks with me. And it sux dat circumstances would not allow something to grow out of this, but I am just grateful for his presence itself. The very fact he exists gives me hope somehow, or the sweet reminder that there is nothing wrong with me. Oh well...



So dat's dat for aquick summary...........ooo....might be going for ne-yo's concert in january!! AWESOME....(I dun fancy ne-yo, the awesome part was for th concert....Hahaha)

Thank you Rihanna

You can't play on broken strings

How do you you react to this?

You can't play on broken strings,
You can't feel anything,
that your heart don't want to feel,
I can't tell you something that ain't real

Oh the truth hurts, the lies worse,
So how can I give anymore,
When I love you a little less than before..

Damn terasa wei... Lol

Thinking again

I know...Althea has said it a million times over..that I think too much..its true...but...

I met Fr Chris after some time, and he invited me to attend Teh Tarik & Theology! We had Fr Aloysius, a Jesuit to impart his knowledge on God, who He is. Fr. Al says often our image of God is that which is painted by our parents at a young age. If a mother says, if you steal something, and you think no one knows, God actually sees it, because He can see everything. The child would in turn grow up having the image of an ever watchful God. If a child has an abusive father, and we say God is the Almighty Father....well then....:)

Anyways, a guy said that he felt that God was not a person, but an entity without a particular form, existent in people, for example, say God is Love and we all have lve in our hearts...So that is what God is. Then Fr Al says that many books have been written about God, and Thomas Aquinas says that all he has written about God is true, and untrue. He shares the story of St Thomas thinking about God and trying to figure Him out, and he sees this boy by the sea on the beach. And this boy dug a little hole in the sand and was pouring the sea water into it. So St Thomas asks the boy what he was doing. The boy says he was trying to put the sea into that hole. And St Thomas says no, you cant do that because the sea is immense! And the boy turns and says, so it is with God! He is like the ocean and your mind is like this hole. You cn never fill it with the understanding of God. And the little boy disappears.

So another girl at TTT asked why doo natural disasters happen? And she felt that it is because we havent prayed hard enough. And then Fr Al says that God is not a puppeteer that chooses what and what not to happen. And I asked would it be indifferent to think that life on earth was a journey, and trouble and trials are just events to prepare us for eternal life? Like God could have stop it, but He allows things to happen as a test. Than Fr Al rebuts me by sayingthe idea of God being able to do everything is another thing ingrained into us from a early age, but is it true? So Fr Al says that God cannot do everything because He cannot contradict himself. And another asks about Divine Intervention, and Fr Al shares that though the Church teaches otherwise, he feels tht there is no such thing.He cannot believe that God will listen to some prayers, and not to others? That God will chose whose prayer of deliverance from illness he listen to?


So, I started thinking. What IF it is true? What if God cannot do everything?I do agree that God canot contradict Himself. He cannot make Hell into a Heaven and vice versa. He can't do evil. And since God has given us humans the gift of choice, would he change the heart of someone to do His bidding? What if I loved a man, and I felt he was the one for me. But because I look unattractive, and I don't excite this man, he chooses not to consider me. What if he is the one God wanted for me, but this guy chooses to go to the prettier, petite ones, and when i pray that if he is the one, let me noe, God cannot do anything because God has given him a free will to choose, and hence God cannot contradict himself and force this guy to come to realise that he would be happy with me?

hence it has been bothering me..
But Felicita put it really wel today..


She said, if Jesus "ask you shall receive, seek you shall find, knock and it shall be open to you" what would he not be able to do everything?...


THINK THINK THINK

Drama Over

The Drama is over.

Whatever hopes and dreams (in that small aspect) is no longer.

I am learning to take it as it comes...even if it means coming right at my face.




The most important part is learning to trust Him in all that I do. Sometimes, it is so hard, I feel like giving up. But, I cannot do so. Trouble actually help us grow into stronger people. It allows for better things to come. But at that moment of feeling it, it is so difficult...like right now. Rejection, no matter how subtle is still a rejection. And being human, I am being honest with my emotions.

Still, I smile. :)

Carpe Diem!!

Happy?

Wow.

I had a fantastic weekend with my purpose driven life bunch. We had so many exciting thoughts, plans, dreams!


Feli was cute...she comes up with this random questions to get us talking...she asked Helena to describe each of us in 3 words..Helena said I was Happy, Feisty and Passionate..

Wow...I was so affirmed. Happy?

I am happy!


look people...I am finally happy again! :)


we ca fix ourselves after all...

Crossroads

Today, I thank God for allowing me to vent to Jon, which was much needed I think...and he being his very patient self, really listened, argued, rationalized and finally calmed me down, in a not too melancholic way.

While I have so many friends from all walks of life, I m especially lacking in friends who share my passion in youth ministry the none-short-cut way. It is awesome to rediscover the passion and to know it still burns...perhaps now with more depth, and the affirmation I receive from people I respect a lot.

I have been thinking long and hard, about what I want in life. I have been struggling with a very unhappy state for some time, and at the end of the day, I had to finally it myself down and look squarely at the problem. And it has always been that I was not doing what I loved doing all this while.

Rubern has been telling me so many times to do what I loved before, and that was church and youth ministry. I always knew he was right, but it was a time I had to be off on my way and struggle. And in the struggle, much was learned, and remembered. And though it will be tough to release the vices, never easy to walk the right path, at least it will be more hopeful for those who think there is no hope for them.

And now, with all the 'little sisters' I can reach out to, I am so glad. I am glad to help with their personal lives, with their struggles in the church, with the struggles in their group of frens, their relationships.

So, if I'm missing from the blogsphere, dun worry, am in good hands...:)




BRYAN!! seriously miss uuuuuuuuu...:(

So tough to let go

Not of RC n SS, but of the person.

The feelings are slowly growing. Sometimes I wonder if I think too much. So maybe if I can stop thinking, I will get over him.


Let go Pearly let go..of no 3.

Updates

Well, my time has been very occupied.

Mostly with church work again...and I have gotten rid of the 'male-related' issues in general. It does not mean there is not someone I am interested in, but I am generally chilled about it.


I think it is the calm that comes with a more solid prayer life, and more purpose too. I have been attending the Vespers in sfx, pj on Sunday evening masses. I find it beautiful. Our lil choir, with collaboration from the LifeTeens, might be singing for All Saints Mass...sounds very exciting..


I have 'made contact' with the youth of STM, sj...I really dislike the structure of lifeline, no offense, so I am going in to see if there is a general cry for change. If there is, by God's grace, I want to do something about it.

As for the PAG, IT IS BEING BUTCHERED!!


That is for another day to vent. :(


I am also hoping that my purpose driven group can go on to form a support group as we have learned to trust each other a little more...hang in there buddies, I will come clean with you guys too....really soon..


Work is not bad...boss is recommending me for confirmation......:)
Evil colleague actually had a good comment abut me..Thank God....

And with that, I gotta go sleep....late dy..nights....:)

Healthier and healtheir

I am so much healthier now with better people around me.

I am so much happier too.

I have the right support, and the right attitude in place and in check. Like I was upset about A and G, but I managed to sleep on it, and move in. Thank God.

the day i was snubbed

so, G was upset that A and I had something going on when I was working there a year ago. She had me believing she did not have any feelings for him and in fact told me to go for it. so when I realised that she was really hung over him, I felt bad and I did not extend my contract there. cuz G was a good friend from uni days. And I did not want to do to her what SS did to me.

After a year, A calls me again. In fact, I met with an accident going down to meet some of them. So I go back to the office and they pretend like all is ok. Me being naive thought it was really ok la. So T resigns, and they are throwing her a farewell bash. T is leaving the NGO and going back to Kuching for good. So A calls me again to go to bamboo 9 with them. I was reluctant because of G. I did not want to upset her further. So after some talking I told A that no, I don't think I'd go for it. he gets so pissed with me, but when I call him he does not want to pick up to talk it over the phone.

So I agreed to go after he was particularly sarcastic to me. So I go over, he does not even come out to bring me in. I walk into the bloody club alone. He passes me a drink, does not introduce me to anyone, and turns his back on me literally. I go look for G to say hi, all she gives me is a polite smile and turns her back to me. Like the fuck la. I did not ask to be there. I did not want to be there!

I go to A again and ask him what is wrong now. And he pretends like nothing is happening.

I just walked out of the club and got the hell out of there. Thank God Kevin came to the rescue. I was humiliated.

I really did not want to go, but A was so pissed, I really did not want any more drama. And then they give me this shit.



reallyhurt.

EEEEkkkkssssss

Help! What do I do when it feels like I'm melting?

It is tough to try to act all cool and tough when that person is being such a pillar of strength, being an encouragement, and being so focused in a dream you share as well..

I need meditation...(bear with me, I vent here to get it off my chest and mind..THERE!)

xoxoxoxo

Keeping cool despite the turbulent emotions within...

A good weekend

Spent the weekend with 3 good friends in Ipoh. We bunked at the LaSalle centre next to St Michael's Institution. Caught up with an old friend..,It was very interesting for reasons I can't really disclose here...But basically, I found the common thought and mindset very very very pleasing. yet, it wass very bittersweet...


I ended up with a lot to think about.


We also ate like pigs!!! I had lots of yummy noodles...and topped up with Bidor wantan mee....YUMM!! Cheese, I hate u fr not taking me to Ipoh for food hunt! We ate in Ipoh Gardens....and we had fried chicken skin...lovely....like eating a drier KFC fried chicken skin minus meat....YYUMMMMM



But above all, the company was fantastic! It was such a breath of fresh air....





Bittersweet....:(


Also, part of the discussion was about naming one person who u need to restore a relationship with. Funny how that person was not RC, but SS.

I was in tears talking about her. And the pain is from the fact that she hurt me although I begged not to be hurt, especially at that time.

Also....admitted that I am cat-like..


Hahahahahahahhaa

SO what now?

So what now, that I realize after all these years, it feels the same? So what now when I empathize so well? So what now when I know the duration of the friendship in itself is the barrier?


So what now?

One tear drop, den two, then 3, no it stops there!

Yes it stops there..

reminders or no reminders,

what's gone is gone, from that ONE decision.


I was deleted, just like the message.
No use reminding yourself, and the rest of the world. No one remembers.



Yes, I'm definitely emo today, though it did not start out this way. I stayed back an extra hour to finish some work I did not want to keep pending. I went to the gym, and for some reason triceps extensions were not going too well. Tried calling Kamini out, she had prayers to attend to. Veena has exams. Karen is in S'pore while Fellie is babysitting niece n nephew.

Kevin is layan-ing guests at home, Murly missing. Weng Lee's gf is down, Cheese is tired. Joshua is too far away, and I did not want to ask the rest out...9 were bad enough!


And he had to pretend to have a heart when neither have any feeling of remorse! It had to be on a day I was super hungry also la. P was drunk and in the drunkedness asked me out! :S Running from D, M and J. Did not wanna reply their messages..so I did, relunctantly...




I am resorted to say the compline and get some sleep.

Life can be a piece of S*** sometimes. Sigh. It was such a pretty day. Have no idea why it turned out this way..Wait,I know, because I had to read his freaki g blog..


Slap me!

Only Happy When It's about Church work

I've tried all sorts..

I dun quite fancy self-developmental programmes that are not Church-based. Somehow, it never gels with me. I have been to many commendable movement meetings..Interact which is part of the Rotary club, AIESEC, I've been given a taste of Apex, and I've seen (roughly) a toasmasters gathering....


In all 4, it was very fraternal. In a way, I found them a tad sad cuz the friendship n brotherhood had to really be worked on. The difference with doing stuff with church is the brotherhood comes very naturally and genuinely. (Especially in youth ministry..I mean there is more than a fair share of two-faced hypocrcites la).


Great movements, do not get me wrong. Noble causes indeed, but I feel most happy when in sync with the Holy See. It is always monitored carefully to be in line with the Churches teachings. Sometimes, in these fraternal movements, good intentions could sometimes turn sour as well..when groud become exclusive and belittling.

Whereas at Church, the rigidity of it, ensures that the reason for the group is constantly in view (BUT the are MANY that are tersasul as well la..)



At least, I thank God that the choir and our little Purpose Driven Life gatherings are pretty well rooted.



And I'm happy.


Very happy!

Something Stupid

In the days when entertainment was really entertaining..

I love the 60s!

Another good night out

After work I was supposed to chill with Kamini and watch out chick flick, The Proposal....tapi, Friday night, did not book tickets, only seats were in front of the bloody screen...so we decided to eat. Oasis so bodo, so we ate at KFC. After that we decided to go over to Bangsar to chill..


And guess what? We see my ex and his girlfriend with another friend! Kamini and I laughed our head off. She could not recognise him..And she thought they looked like siblings..:S I only thought they looked like kids. (Shut up Bryan, you'd probably be saying 'u bitter, bitter people' in ur mind..I NOE HOW U THINK!) Hahahaha.... Oh well, when I looked at them, all I felt was like I was looking into a window far into my past, where things were once a certain way. Oh well, they deserve each other la. Dua kali lima.


So we went to Bangsar...thought of Finniggans, but TSB looked good too...and so did that German pub...could not decide, but we ended up in D'Haven...and me, the new leaf, had banana milkshake! :D Squid fritters YUM-MY, but we did indulge in shisha...:D. Not too bad...nw I feel dry...:S


But yea, the upstairs of D'Haven has a laid back interior..Carpets, cushions and music is just right..n it's quiet, and it opens till 2am.:D

Now I shall do some work before slumber...might go to SFX tmr...:)

Happier days

Bryan was right.

I needed more girl friends. Fun is more wholesome. And we're genuinely entertained. Looking forward for my movie date with Kamini n Veena tmr, probably a sunday in with Jessie and Althea if Melaka doesn't work out..Fellie and Karen and Geraldine when we are all more free ya? Alpha Banting is heavy eh?


Oh well, finally life is back on track. I'm re-focused, and re-directed. Meetings with some really good old friends is really refreshing..Old faces, fond memories and the consistency of the solid friendship built through the years...It's as though we never parted to begin with. Fixx-it actually worked! With a few major glitches, but yea, it worked.

So what's Pearly's week like these days?

Work, gym, choir, youth, girlfriends and more family time despite the distance..

Sounds healthy yea? Cuz I miss out the CHOCOLATES part! *grin*


Oooo...and since I'm on the topic of food....a must try if you're in KL is,the smokehouse in Bangsar....It's next to Madam Kwan's opposite Bangsar Village 2....valet parking for the girls out there if you're afraid to park too far off is about rm 15 for the whole night, so.not too bad I guess for safety..

The signature desserts were the Thai sticky rice and mango, and the BOMBE ALASKA!!!! Shortbread, topped with fruits and ice-cream, covered in meringue, spotted with cherries,and poured over with flaming burnt sugar!!!! Yummm....but I ha the creme brulee.....mmmmmmmmmmmmm....hmmmmm...


:)


And yes, hoegarden is good.....Happy hour, one pint of Hoegarden beer for rm25....Not too bad eh???


:D


Happy!

Exhausted

I love this feeling though. It is because I know the exhaustion is not in vain.

Today, once again, I got kinda irritated with a few of my colleagues. not because they re bad people, but because of people management.

There is this one person who LOVES being the bearer of bad news. I think she is trying to break me because she is basically an unhappy person. She is insecure because I lost so much of weight and she cant seem to shed the pounds. So this married, mother of two, 30-ish lady, actually starves herself. I mean, if she were a teenager, I'd forgive the impulsiveness. Even if she were in her early 20s...But come on! you're in your 30s and can even understand that skipping meals is bad for your metabolism?? And ultimately wont help in weight loss? Sigh. She likes being cynical, and I think she hates it when I purposely ignore it, and continue smiling. :)

Stupid.

So, yesterday was a Monday, and now with the new rapid test kit for influenza A and B, doctors are in love with digging their patients' noses! (The kit requires a nasal swab sample). That does not mean that the normal respiratory virus screening had ceased...Did not help that I am not able to read the slides I prepared as well....and hence with so many variables, Monday was a complete disaster. So I come to work bright and early Tuesday morning, happily walking knowing JV (my pillar of sanity in the insanity!)would be back from her leave, and here comes adolescent woman, and smears my day with bad news, almost happy I made a slip up!

I did not key in the results of a rapid test in the midst of the chaos that was Monday. felt horrible for the nurse that had to face the Lucky patient. It was my fault. Yet, there was absolutely nothing else I could have done to make it better..
So move on. Learn and move on.

So the bosses came in to talk to the whole bench. And I owned up before anything could happen and explained why. See, Monday I told my boss I could not handle it. They just assigned someone from the spinning bench to help. These monkeys are total idiots. They smile in front of the boss, and say OK. Yes. *BIG SMILE* and then buat bodoh about the whole situation.
If you cannot commit, say you can't.



Then I have a peer, who came in about the same time as I did. Well I understand her situation. She wanted to help genuinely with another colleague of mine on MC. But she kinda mess things up. Problem is she was very confident of her work and did not ask for help when things got bad. Now one machine is down. :S And some of the very important tests can't be run... now the rest of the colleagues, they ought to have sat her down and told her why she messed up so badly. See, when you're aggressive when correcting a person, the person would be defensive. Simple mathematics. Now, why on earth do you need to practically shout at each other (IN TAMIL) how she made a big mess. It could have been more productive. (THANK GOD JV IS BACK)

I'm exhausted from listening to A bitch about B and B whine about A.. I'm a lttle annoyed that I am doing extra work so I can have a little peace and quiet in the lab. K needs voice control classes...:S

Oh well. i've bitched my share....Now, time to get some rest and get ready for tmr. Btw, did I mention I have fantastic bosses?

nights.

in need of repair

something's really wrong somewhere..

irritated

I dun get it.

Why do people like gossip??

I mean, we are all curious beings, I admit, but asking about everything and everyone??!!

There is this student at my lab. She is about my age, a year younger at the most, but my god! the conversations she has with my colleagues!!

Why why just now ms *** talking so much??
What happened? oh yes ar? den after dat I heard ****** saying that someone never follow protocol..who who?

*colleagues talking*

Oh she ar? Why she do like that? Oh...


the whole day like this in tamil!! (Yes, surprise surprise, I actually understand simple colloquial tamil!! :S)

SO bloody irritating. How many times must one situation be repeated? How many times must you talk about how a person should be doing this and should be doing that...when I felt like screaming, YOU SHOULD just shut the **** UP!!


Yes, irritated...

The lack of sleep is not helping....

ruski

having ruski the way we used to.
thinking.

n wit a sigh, life goes on.

:)

I'm doing fine and well gals...just one of those fleeting moments dat get smaller and smaller with time...you noe what I mean? soon it'd be gone.

Food is the way to a man's heart

Actually, that is not what I'm gonna rant about today..It is just a random inkling I had to type out as title cuz I can't believe how true it could...(emphasize the word COULD) be. A long time ago (I can't believe 17 was 7 years ago!!..:S), I spent my form 5 post spm holidays in Perth with my sister. Bored out of my head, I used to cook lunch for the family...Especially my brother in law..Made him mash potatoes, fish n chips, chicken fillet (mind you, I de-boned them myself....dun ask me now..forgot..:S)..He used to love it so much. One day, (having no younger sister, he took me as one he is VERY over-protective about)
he sits me down and tells me very seriously, Pearly, never cook for your guy friends. And I asked why? He said, owh, caused they'd be all over you...don't you know the way to a man's heart is through his stomach?? I dun want them fellas to be giving you troubles...


*blank*

back then, men did not know I existed...correction..back then, boys forgot I was a girl..:S

Oh well...recently, after the accident, I have decided to dabble in baking. It's therapeutic...the aroma of your hard work floating from your kitchen....priceless.


Well, this was my first attempt on a fruit cake, and damn it was real good....But the cake was HUGE!

So I brought it to work, gave half of it to my colleagues...smart me..now I have to write down the recipe for that half of my colleagues! :S Den I had a bit left and brought it to my gym. Lol. Yes, I feed my trainers with food I can't finish..Heh...Maybe that's why they love me...Anyhoo..There's this John Abraham look-a-like..he is my personal trainer..who has problems keeping his hormones to himself...oh well, he had been so freaking busy, running up and down..I had to hunt him down to pass him my cake. Now he's begging me to bake one just for him...pigs..

couldn't stop thinking of my brother-in-law's words...

Den there was the EX, who'd beg me to make my mom's chicken curry..he's even willing to prepare the chicken for me, just want me to cook it! And CW who loved my pan mee....Unfortunately I don't think Bryan enjoyed any of my food...not that I cooked much back then..Hmmm...


Food and men...


Men bite as well...literally. It's innate! Talk about meat, in any sense...they'd be drooling...I dun get it...Wave a particularly sweet smelling bbq chicken in front of me, and if I'm not drinking, i wouldnt even take a bite...Just not a crave...Now, chocolates would be a different story altogether....the same goes for banana smoothies, and pasta..yummm...

And life..when it's happening, you dun have time to think! When it's dull, you had better wait for a pig to start flying!
Tmr I have to attend an annual meeting for all sime darby's employees...and tonight, I have an invite to mist, an invite for a thani session by the pool, and an invite to a pub in PJ to meet this traveller..and a totally new bunch of people as well...and to top it off, my colleague is bunking over..Now, what do I do...all 3 invites are tempting for different reasons..


Mist because it's club guy's birthday..And he is a good and damn tall dancer. :D
Pool thani because this bunch of people are interesting, especially the engineer dude, who has this real witty but tired look in his eyes topped with a whole dollop of cheekiness,and PJ cuz guy is a decent (probably gay) guy, who's pretty mysterious, outgoing, BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY...DECENT! prob is I wuldnt noe the rest of the peeps going thr..

Mist guy and Pool guy are people I met randomly, while Decent guy is a friend's friend who's prob interested in friend's sister, but decent nonetheless.


But but but...me just wanna attend mass, and sleep.

:D

WE shall see.....

Men=babies

Men are such babies.

It is so difficult to look after their emotional needs, especially since it is the more undeveloped aspect of the masculine.

And when they are more intuned with the inner self....they go overboard!


Maybe I have reached a point where I am pretty complete as a person, I do no want another to depend on me. I need a person who is complete as he is right now, and we can both make each other lives better...not 'I can't live without you' situation.


I have seriously had it with the Men-babies..


Details later, I need sleep now.

Me, a typical (but hawt) Aunt!!

That's my nephew featured on the webpage of his school....He is the kid on the right of the girl with the hat, backrow of course!


*beaming with pride*

Matu-batu

*still grinning*

in the pantry

i'm in the pantry with my colleagues...

one's just got pregnant! woohoo...congrats! One is so slim altho she eats like a pig!! Hehe...no la..she eats very well and is so slim still... One's son just got married and she is so happy that her daughter in law cleans her son's room. Haha. One only has fruits for lunch and another is an amazingly youthful person, altho she looks like a graceful punjabi aunty and had tickets to rihanna's concert! Lol.

The little little learn about people are actually important. I think these are the things that gives familiarity, not where they live, or what's their jobs... Your know the general
info you obtain in 'cliche' conversations...


In communication, there are 5 levels, I dun think I can recall all of them, but I do remember cliche level, where it's more of a hi and bye thing, and the greatest is peak level where words are not necessary. Makes you think of aliens huh? And I do not know why for some weird reason, whenever they cast aliens in movies, they must always tilt their heads when staring into your eyes when trying to communicate or pierce into you brains.... I mean that is how we communicate, but do you think aliens would have the same type of body language?

excuse the randomness...massive migraine... wanted to doze for a while....but when u hv tthe internet.....lol..


gotta go...ciaoz..

Blessed with good friends

I went to meet Kamini for tea today. Wore a new top from Nichii and 3/4 jeans wit my heels...my typical outfit. we were just enjoying a nice conversation in Bangsar Village, and Kamini asks me to go clubbing with her n her sister and a tall guy (the tall guy part was supposed to bait me la. Lol)

So I had nothing better to do, agreed la. But we needed to fix my outfit... My blue top was fine, but I needed either proper jeans or a skirt. Since Kamini was gonna wear her skirt tonight, we decided we'd do some last minute shopping.



I found her!! My one and a half 'jengkal' long skirt!! :) Got it from little.black.book! I looked good! :p Had a good time at Mumbai Se....and now, need to sleep....Nights people...

Good weekend ahead..

Well, it's payday!! Woohoo!!

Twas a tough month, but worth it! I've gained all that self-confidence lost after the accident. Things are into better fit into perspective, and I'm more in control of emotions.



In the struggle of being perfect, I guess, there is a beauty to imperfection ...it is what makes us human. You know, it is so easy to have all this theory by the back of ur hand, but to believe it and practice it is a whole different matter.

Somebody told me this urban legend of a magazine that tried to digitally create this perfect face by fixing the 'best' features together, but it turned really hideous. I do not know how far true this story is, but I might believe that if that was truly attempted, the result would not be the face of an angel. The last month, I think I have come to terms with my weaknesses, many they are, and accepted them. When I spoke to an old acquaintance, he believed that trying to be perfect puts yourself in a corner. He shared how trying to impress his superiors send him into panic attacks. Well, it does sound extreme, but the truth is, it happens. I remember when I was back to work after the accident, I wanted to prove that I could learn what I had to in record time of a week (what others took a month), but it only sent me into deeper depressing-ish thoughts and emotions. The results undid everything else.

My father used to think that mind could overcome everything, a true believer of mind over matter. The example that my father was has given me the courage to dare dream of the impossible. Although, I would not say everything I dared try was healthy, but he has given me the belief through his own life as an example that the mind can overcome anything. When I jog, and it hurts so bad, I really talk to myself in the head, telling me why I want to do this so badly, be it for better stamina, for that date, or to release that built up anger inside. Today, I knew I was gonna suck real bad at work, being thrown into the phlebotomy bench. I had no choice but to just do it. And I have been told I think too much and over analyse everything, so today, I just got out of bed, dressed up, had my breakfast and walked into the specimen collection room. And I survived, barely scratched.

It borders indifference...there's a thin line being just doin it and having indifference...though it was hard when the baby I pricked would not stop bleeding...but yea, I had no choice. I just told myself, that me screwing up would not have been my fault, because:
a) i've been only trained for 2 weeks officially
b) all that bullshit my colleagues have been saying about having the initiative to learn on your own borders impossibility as when you're at a bench, they expect you to HELP all you can, to your dying breath (especially true with female superiors...I think that many women are poor leaders because they cannot dissociate emotions from mental decisions. I'm sorry to be so harsh on women in general, but I must say that in many cases it is true. However,m the better female leaders, make fantastic ones..). So that just means do not leave us when we need you.

People are selfish. when your leaders are not well trained to create a spirit of teamwork within a working premise, people think me, myself and I. I hate selfish people. My brother, once did a little internet googling on the church of Satan. He shared most of it sounded like a whole load of crap, except this on website. It's teaching was simple. It just said, you noe, we aren't extreme. We just think that you ought to think about yourself first. In all that you do, think of your needs and wants first. Oh it's not all that bad, we just think that you should all you can to get whatever it is that YOU want. Simple. Think about it, my Christian friends...Reflect on Christ's teachings and compare it to just looking out for yourself, your family and your loved ones....Putting your happiness first...the scry part is that, yea...it does not sound too wrong, now does it...That I believe, is truly the work of the fallen one.

Then I remembered the recent exco planning camp held by the CSS students of UKM. I was asked to give a talk on self-esteem, and how surprised I was to find out that a priest once blatantly said that self esteem is very un Christian. I found it hard t swallow, but after reading his argument, I must say, looking a it from that point of view, it made sense. Look at it, Jesus teaches humility, self esteem says you're the best! Jesus teaches following God's will, self esteem says you create your own future. Jesus says in God's time, self esteem says the world is yours! That is why, when you work for secular organisations, when it is about your personal developement....ONLY personaal developement...without developing others in return, you get burnt out. That is why Christian leadership is so beautiful. I can give everything up to work for good Church course, but I cant give it all up for something I want in a career, or in society. Which explains why I have so much potential in developing myself, but I do not, in the corporate sense.

All I really wanna do is formate the youth. I really wanna help teenagers grow..first spiritually and everything else will fal into place. unfortunately, someone, it is not yet time. And it is so contradicting, that some of the people I am interested in do not share the same views... We wish to find that half to complete us...as some would say, the two being separated at the creation of the world, hence we spend or whose lives looking for our other half, with outrnavels as a reminder of that separation (I think Greek mythology). But in all truth, finding that other person who'd share the sae humour, hence the same outlook on life, is very difficult Most of us make do with what we find, and cling on to it as if it were our very lives. Some let it go, and spend the rest of their loves regretting the decision. But it is such a waste of energy. Yes, a partner, a spouse would be a lovely thing, but single adulthood is also a vocation. Sometimes, our lives are ,meant to be devoted to something greater. Hard to swallow, but it is true. In the meantime, make yourself happy, but the indifference in me would be quick to say, if you THINK finding a random girl/guy to cling on to makes u happy, den so be it. just dun regret your choice.

Choices are made all the time. People fail to be accountable to the choices made. I gave up a Shell scholarship. I gave up a Star scholarship. Do I look less happy? I am very happy. Why? because I told myself, that when I gave this or that up, I really gave it up. I made myself promise that I would be responsible for my actions and would do my best to obtain what I wanted....to work with the health industry and study microbes. I decided to never look back when I gave up work offers from Taylors, Clinipath and Pantai...reason because I knew they were good offers, and losing some is part and parcel of taking risks. but the up point that I have as Christian is my faith that God will walk me through.

The richness of the Catholic faith is amazing. Reading through the documents from the second vatican council is truly an eye-opener. It shames me to know that in many ways, we are not giving God that reverence as we ought to.Look at how the hebrews bowed and worshiped Yahweh. Just because Jesus is our mediator, it doesnt mean He is less God for He is fully God and fully Man (not some herculean hybrid). And we still ought to bow down in that much of reverence to Him. Yet in Church we still see mini skirts and spaghetti strap blouses. I never knew I'd see the day I'd think this way, but I have come to understand, but the experience in Rome changed me for good.

I could go on writing my random long trail of thoughts, but I do have to meet Kamini in Bangsar, and I do need a shower. So till then, have a good weekend.

this is because JV said my blog has ceased to function

Hehe..

Updates eh?

First of all, I'm involved with a bunch of people hoping to form a choir that would serve bring Sacred Music back to Mass, as it is said in the Constitution of Sacred Liturgy, that sacred music is considered more holy in proportion and is more closely connected with the liturgical action. through the two meetings we have had so far, I have come to realize again the sacredness of Holy Mass...to be present in Mass is to be in the presence of Christ.. and how we have watered that down through our lives.. In reverence, hen sacred music would be the more appropriate music to be played in Holy Mass...Yet, coming from a background coloured with youth ministry and campus ministry, I find it very hard to swallow..Will need more time to discern and probably talk to more people about this. For the time being, understanding Sacrosanctum Concilium and reading the Musicam Sacram is very very beneficial, and we have also been practising Veni creator spiritus, pange linguae and pater noster. It's been great, cuz Ben Loh (the leader) is a qualified choir master. We are taught how to better our voice projection... and in addition to that, most chants are in Latin. So it's definitely interesting to me..


Then Helena from Penang has encouraged Jon to start a group guided by the book The Purpose Driven Life.

That would require teamwork, and already have a feeling dat one of them is not gonna be as committed as I would like her to be. But I hope that I am gravely wrong..... This group would hopefully be directed to write and develop a module, under Helena's guide, for school leavers. I have no idea why won't they use the YE. I have a feeling no one is ready to be challenged the way Jesus challenges people. Oh well...it's their prerogative... I am just searching for a place to serve and be happy serving.


Let's not even talk about the ex n his girlfriend.
Gave a session for the CSSUKM exco, and I did not wanna fake anything with her so i treated her civilly, and she started mopping and complaints she cant eat and all...Lord please help me figure this mess out. Why aren't I allowed to just stay away from people who continuously hurt me? Why are you testing me so? To see how much I love you? If I'm willing to torture myself for your work?

Why? Aih...

Taman Sinar Harapan according to the star..

The Star's article on this welfare home is pretty darn horrific!

Overcome with sadness..:(

Let it be

Let go, and let God

Sacred Music

Today I was introduced to Sacred music by Ben, an interesting character. :)


For fun, I shall show how I met this person and the gang..

This is how it works...

I knew Jon from Caritas days, where Melaka-Johor Diocese had started building relations with the Penang Diocese. Jon from Penang attended the PAG held in Melaka, and went on to bring the programme back to Penang. This was in 1999.

In 2003, Jon comes to Melaka to study in MMU Melaka, when yours truly helped a little here and there. Then Jon goes off to MMU Cyber, while I go to UKM. In UKM, I involve myself in CSS where I work with Fr Chris who suggests James and Caroline as facilitators for our annual camp. James and Caroline introduces us to alpha in 2006, and upon graduation, I am invited to attend Youth Alpha facilitators weekend, where I meet Damian.

In 2009, Damian invites me to attend the Charismatic Renewal Youth rally held in Klang, where I meet Madaan who works for Sound Tank Productions in SS15..a stone's throw away from SDMC. James invites me to help out in St Thomas More's Alpha, where I meet a bunch of people. Jon comes in contact again, and he gives my contact to Charlene who forwards it to Crisabel, who I happened to meet in STM's alpha through whom I meet Daniel who met Madaan in Sound Tank.. Geez...small world. Anyhoooooo.....

Ben, who I also meet through Crisabel is an advocate for Sacred music to be played in Church, meaning non-contemporary music in layman's term...dun get me wrong, it is not all as heavy as it sounds...just more "churchy".

The idea of following the guide according to the documents of the Catholic church is pretty interesting. The whole idea of the Liturgy of the Hours might sound solemn, but I must say it is truly music dat brings one to worship.

hence I am interested by the idea of learning up more on what the Catholic Church says about music allowed during Mass. More to learn and think about..coming up soon...

We shall commence our weekly Thursday meetings to discuss and brainstorm as well as discern further....

Anyone interested, drop me a line..will explain more...I have documents to swallow....:D
It would be a time for us to informally meet and learn more about this Sacred Music as it is apparently called, with Vespers and Lauds and the whole works in addition to the beautiful Liturgy of the Eucharist.





Coooool......:D

Fixx-it-time

*cheeky grin*


Thursday: St Thomas More choir discussion

Friday: Laundry day

Saturday: Furniture day *grin* and maybe a good dinner wit Cheesy daddy!!

Sunday: Pearlytime

Monday-Friday: Bills, work and a new bench (Work!! I'm getting closer to my beloved Microbiology bench......:D)

SATURDAY: Girl's night out!!


Sunday: Hoped contentment. :)








Fixx-it!!

Drama

Tonight I found out I might have been in a relationship which I did not know about..

Man was the most decent trainer in the gym. Never hit on me, always polite, and focused on his work. He was always punctual, and he was always giving everything 101%.

After a few months of Hi and Bye, we talk. We finally exchange numbers, and he invites me to his house to celebrate another friend's birthday. I wanted to go, and so I did. Instantly friends with his girlfriends, and warmed up to his family.

He takes me out for a drink one night, and is the first guy in my life to be punctual. We spend the whole night talking and really enjoyed each other's company.

He invites me over to his rented apartment to chill with his buddies. Thinking it is a normal practice of his, I go over. He was not afraid of PDA. I was shocked. It was not that I did not fancy him, but he was open about us.

Confused I confronted him, and he says dat we cant be an item cuz he'd cheat on me and hurt me. And he says that I'm the last person he would wanna hurt cuz I'm his princess gentle giant. (Yes, he evil...tease me as a gentle giant).

He knew me, somehow. He saw past the toughness outside. He saw me as a girl, fragile and gentle. He was so kind in all sense. And he never laid a finger indecently on me... He'd even ask permission to steal a kiss.

One day his fren asks me in mandarin if we were together. I immediately said no. And I told him about it.

Slowly, he drifted away. Withdrew.

I saw it coming, never expected more.

See, he is muslim, and I'm catholic. We both knew that.

Today I met his friend, one of his girlfriends...


She said He told them he was in a relationship with me for a week.
He never brought a girl home before me.
He only had nice things to say about me.


I was shocked.

She said they told him to end it if he was not serious with me.

About the time he drifted.

Especially if it would not have worked.

The friend is Chinese and his friend who is dating this girl is Malay. Complications there.




I did not know....:(


I'm sorry if I hurt you, mousy..
You really did give me some of the best times in my life. And you completed my birthday..Thank you. I'm sorry if I hurt you unknowingly.

Wished things were different.

things I miss...

I am missing you although it's over.
I am missing you although I've moved on.

I am missing the better times, when things were perfect
But perfection never lasts.


Literally walking in the rain.
Our stay home meals, topped with a bottle of wine.
Our drives into KL where we just bark at each other for getting lost and make up later.
The day before my birthday when you watched me sleep and wrote me the most beautiful piece of poetry.
Our first (and last) valentine's.
You over-feeding me.
Our Titas and english classes.
The days in NLDS.
Our Melaka trip.
Our evenings together.
Our quiet nights on the hill.

Good memories. I guess you finally got what you wanted, me remembering them as fond memories, not painful ones.


Walking on..

Ooo..about CRUSH

Oooooo...today is D-day...judgement day..Wenby, I'm counting on your scheme to work...somehow have a feeling that it'll backfire and he won't be frantically searching for me....:S

The plan was to make me a habit to him, den stop habit suddenly, and he'd apparently come searching. See, men have to the hunter..So I apparently need him curious about me..


You know, it's just gonna backfire..

And as sad as I'd be, I'd probably laugh my head off. :D


*eagerly awaits*

Tired

Absolutely tired...


Blood bank was really challenging today! it felt damn good to actually sweat in an air condition building!! Managed 3 direct coombs test, one indirect one, one pre-cardiac antibody screening test, and a whole lot of blood grouping!!! Fantastic!! Ooo..ran across the hospital to collect a whole load of irradiated blood, single donor platelets and the lot..:)


Now dat is what I call a satisfying day! Did not help dat the back was breaking though no thanks to tummy cramps..

No gym today, cuz it's laundry day!! Goodness, I wish myself luck! :D the pile is preeeeety large..Hahaha...


Wanted to meet the friend from holland today cuz I felt bad, but decided not to. Super broke. That's reason enough. I have to last till Thursday. Joy..


Happy, today I'll have Pearly time!!! :D

Women Health Issues

WARNING

The contents of this post may be too detailed for the faint of heart. The author shall not be responsible for feelings of *ewwness* and *ughness* at the end of it..


no animals were harmed in it's writing either..just in case you were wondering..

PLEASE do not read if you do not want "too much info" regarding female health.

Okay..so it's like this..

I've been generally happy the past few days..sometimes aesthetic!! I'm been all bubbles and giggles and sugar coated candy. Been looking forward to every message I send to CRUSH, been super excited when he texted back, been eager to hang out with my girl friends, been planning massive girl night outs, been ditching really really really super hawt *sizzling* dates for the "love" of CRUSH, been all smiles and optimism at work.....OK OK..YOU GET THE PICTURE!!


So, I went out with Club guy a few nights ago, cuz I think I've been cold enough to him and I missed having a pretty nice friend..I was all smiles, until he tries parking my car in the basement and the security guard doesnt allow him to, cuz it's past 11. So I usually just park outside when this happens. But club guy starts raising his voice and trying to intimidate the poor security guard. And when I tell him to drop it, he calls me a scardy cat. that was it! I lost my temper instantly, so bad I did not even say bye when I left him near his bike!

Then the next day, a nurse in my lab who suffers a lack of attn and spine starts saying I look free when she did not see all the work I was doing before she came in, I nearly shouted at her. I go out with Karen and Fellie, and I have a good time, and when my mom does something I explicitly told her NOT to like 6 times, I completely lost my mood and ended the call as soon as I could. And finally when I reached my apartment, my desktop refuses to start up, I call rubern to ask him what should I do. He tells me he'll call back, and when he does, I was already sobbing!

He freaked out, asking what happened, and I could not even talk! I just cried and cried and cried!!!! The last time I sobbed this hard was during the last 6 months in uni.. I could not help myself. I couldnt even get myself off the floor.

The next day (today) I go to work, and lo and behold..it's the time of the month!


This is so annoying! Ever since gym, the cycle has been more regular, and hence the PMS too! Bigger than ever!! I've never felt more "girly" in my life.. guess it's healthy.. I am happier, and more in control of my emotions, yet the magnitude of emotions when it does come is dumbfounding...

See, don't blame us women for being such mystical creatures...I swear..it's the bloody hormones...In Bridget Jones' words..."Bullocks!"

thoughts

well...it is like this..

Spoke to a lovely girl today, someone I've known for 4-5 months? And in this time I've already had quite a huge amount of respect for her..She is a devout Jehovah's witness, who is nothing like all the rumours we hear about.. She is a normal, girl next door, who is absolutely gorgeous..(and as usual, all these gorgeous babes have no idea how beautiful they are...*smacks head*)

She really holds on to her principles. She is well-read, talkative, bubbly...and married! She is 27, and looks 22 la..She doesn't club, smoke, drink. She is as sweet as sweet can be..as wondering which planet la this girl from.. :) So I was curious about her la..seemed like a person who has it all together..

One day we talked about her n her husband..they got married at 22..had the same birthday, and the same age. Her first bf. Same religion. All fairy tale like. She cooks awesome food and bakes delicious cakes..She is like the perfect Bree..

Yet, even Bree has her problems..

Today she confided dat he husband has been MIA for the past year!

I was shocked. She always spoke about him and always referred to him as her husband. He just packed and left. No closure, nothing. No contact number..
And she still lives in their rented apartment, alone although she could go back to her family.

She has no kids (thank God, in the sense she doesn't have an extra mouth to feed) and she did not have a steady income till recently. When she initially had to start paying for the flat, she was using 3/4 of her salary to do so, leaving her with less den 200 a month for the rest of her needs...


She does not have her own mode of transportation, and she works really late at night sometimes. And she realy looks so vulnerable, and her flats...goodness. I am afraid to drive there at 11pm...:S What more take the bus...I guess once you're used to it, it's kinda ok..but still........

It got me thinking about a lot of the blessings we have day to day. Some of us complain about money, family, relationships, work all the time, when the person next to us might be having hell right here on earth and is still able to plaster a smile on...

A night to count our blessings, every one of them..


Good night people! :)

L is for the way you Look at me..

I'm in love with love...yes I am!! Pearly is back!

*teeheehee*

Well, it could be partially contributed to the fact I'm crushing so hard on Crush. :D But it is I guess mostly I'm feeling more like myself these days.... with the addition of being a health freak...haha

But yea, I dare dream again! I remember the pre-Rubern days, I used to read all the jane austen books, and the other decent, classical romance novels, with no *passionate kissing* and *love-making*, but simple things like, the way he glanced, or paced up and down the room trying to get something off his chest. He long distance dat seperates two souls, but in the end that distance is bridged..happily or tragically...okok..this is too much..

But yea, it's nice to be able to watch romantic comedies and really feel happy after it instead of end up crying because of all the pain and hurt.

It's nice to believe dat that someone special is still out there...(maybe he is Crush!! :D).

It is nice to believe in loev again!

I wanna fall in love again!! :D

patience is a virtue

And one i lack, i must add....

I'm an aries. Ram.....

We ram our heads into things...I'm very direct and i go get what I want. But, yes, I've been taught to take it slow with a few things...

But it is so hard.. I just hate waiting, sitting around waiting for some thing to happen..I'm the type dat gets up and does something about it! Cannot tahan...


But yet, patience has it's good...I've come to appreciate a lot of rewards from this patience I've come to practice...a little, but it's there..getting better at it with time..
Now, back to cleaning room..Laterz

uncrushed..almost

This is typical me..

He's not taken..

The story continues...

:P

Help! I can't sleep!! Too many thoughts on the issues at home, the people, the work, the health.. Having a crush gives u dat girly light-headedness.. Guess it's kinda refreshing..or I'm plain bored

Crushed!

He has a girlfriend..sigh..

crushing, not crushed

Crushing on R!!

Random, I know..but I can't help feeling all light-headed and happy!

Nights..

Froze

I just froze today. Tied the tourniquet, got the vein, but I kept second guessing..in the end I gave up and passed her over to my colleague without pricking her at all.

How am I gonna do this?

On the bright side, I found the bus stop. Bout 500m walk from my apartment. Body aching. But i ain't complaining. I can do this.

Weng Lee says I have to just overcome this poor "routine forehand" and stop "hitting the net" but putting all the bad mojo behind me....

I'll try, Weng Lee. Thanks for the advice...At least he listens.

Met a few more girls I can go out with. Shall go to Urbanatic next Wednesday to support Psytrus with the new girls.

J-man was supposed to take me out tonight, as expected tak jadi like at 5.30pm.. Expected it
dun care la..

I can't wait to start running again.

Shaken

Could not believe how bad I am.

I went to work, braving it all. Thinking I was gonna ace everything...next thing I knew, really could not do it.

When I first tried drawing blood, it was fine. And with more practice, it kinda got worse, but I've always had a steady hand.


Today, I could not stop my fingers from shaking. The second person was worse! I had to go to the bathroom to just be on my own...

Not too sure what to do..

Klinik Sohvindir costs a bomb!

Just my luck...


Been feeling much better of late, I went on to cook and bake n chauffeur my mom around town, leaving my with a horrible, horribly sore shoulder. Was resting at home when Tim called..He's moving in the same apartments as me...We'llbe neighbours soon!! So excited!!

Back to my story, when I was on the phone with Tim, mom started choking. She fried Ikan Parang for herself, and mom's notorious for chocking on fish bone! Reason being mom uses dentures and the plastic dentures covers the palate of her mouth, making it tough for her to feel the texture of her food.

This being a norm, i continued watching TV. After a few seconds, I realized it was longer than normal. And she came to me asking me to pull the bone out. Not having tweezers I went frantic, looking for my forceps.. Mom was adamant that I could get it out with a pin head! (these seamstresses think the world's problems can all be solved with a pin, thread and scissors!)

Told my mom it was impossible and ran upstairs to get my brother (who ignored my knocks on the door and shouts of "KOKO"..so pist!). so I ran down and told mom I have to bring her to the clinic. (Only then did it occur that my forceps were used on plants and microbes...*smacks head*)

The thing about mothers....bringing them to the clinic is like trying to bathe a cat! Getting her to the car took ages...So I finally agreed to have a look at the bone again. almost fainted when I couldnt see it this time! I told my mom to just shh it and get in the car.

So I drove to some 24 hour clinic next to Klinik Lai. I told the clinic asst very politely what was happening. She sits there with the most bored face I've encountered and said that doctor was out for lunch. I politely asks what time would the doctor be back. She doesnt look me in the eye and keeps silent. I repeat my question and she screws her face and says "Tak tau la..." so still politely and patiently I ask, roughly how long..half an hour? an hour? She shrugs talks to her friend (who during this whole time had the head rested on her palms with elbows on table...infuriating me further!!). Than without giving me any answer she picks up the phone.

Swirling! I was about to shout at them. kept my cool and called my sister in law if she had her medical equipment wit her. Unfortunately no, so we decided to go to Sohvindir...

At least the clinic assistants were helpful. As I sat down, the clinic lounge area was filled with flies. There was one of those electrical fly killing machines (dunno name), which was not switched on. Fine.

We go in, and the big Punjabi doctor sees to my mom. I tell him there is a bone, which I saw but later on disappeared. He, having an indifferent look on his face, turned to my mom, didnt even asked her to open her mouth and said, if u cant feel it wth ur finger it isnt there. I said she feels it's very much there. He says aunty tulang macam paku. or a needle. Kalau sudah cucuk, 2,3 hari mesti rasa sakit. Itu sakit saja. I started to worry...die la...this doctor also nyanyuk dy. So I lied, saying my mom said she feels its there with her finger. Then only he ushered us to the treatment room.

Thank God my sister in law comes came at the nick of time and I waited outside.

Apparently doctor was adamant bone wasnt there. My sister in law was the one to found it and took it out.




like this right, ppl in batu berendam will really die in case of emergency tell you...


Oh ya....the whole treatment cost us RM110.00 sahaja.


Hope you're having a better day.

I came home and straight went to bake a cake. It's in the oven as i type. SHuld be ready soon. Baking and cooking releases stress. Butter cake for tea. Anyone wanna drop by? :)

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I WANT TO GO FOR IT!!!!!

You can check out the programme here

*sulking*

The programme sounds sound. Pretty similar to how it was in the turtle conservation programme in mlk (which I want to hep with as well unfortunately have limited amount of leave..need to save it for the Perth trip I'm planning. Geram). It seems well organized for those interested, so do lend yur time and support if you have no other more important plans (Yes our ecosystem is important ok?)

Anyways, Psytrus and Daniel made into the finals of the Acoustic Showdown...first in the duo/group category.. Do check it out at Urbanattic, Capsquare, June 3rd, 2009. Sounds good eh? Anyone wanna join me??:)

Also, saw an ad in the Star about a play in KLPac called Belacan, Geragok and other Prawns..For those unfamiliar with Malacca and our very beautiful people (ahem *hint hint*) and culture, a rough way of referring to the Malays was Belacan, and the Portuguese Eurasians was Geragok (both terms highly discouraged to use...very rude), but Malaccans being Malaccans, marah tu betul betul sayang tau.... :) You can read the summary of the play below. Caught my attention, title itself got me bursting into laughter. :D


Let's not even start on MPO (but I shall anyways!!) Will highlight a few that did catch my attention, with easy to appreciate pieces..

The Classical Clown, June 21, 2009, sounds fun...a mime act accompanied by an orchestra (fancy that!!), Age of elegance, 4th n 5th July (pieces are pleasant..not too heavy), and (this I must catch!!) Haydn's The Season, with the Swiss Chamber Choir!! Me had goosebumps listening to them..Go youtube the pieces k..malas dy..although I think they sing in Estonian..:S You could check it out here tho.. Will be going for these shows myself..most probably...still teman-less.. lemme noe..

Wished you were here Lydia..:(

Will update again laterz... gotta go to the dentist for tooth fillings...accident causing me massive dental bills...

I'll be driving life!!??

Yes, I've booked a Viva...plan is, since I've wrecked my mom's car, aka MAF, I ought to replace it (no pressure from the family, don't get me wrong). So, if MAF is to be saved, I shall drive the Viva for a while and mom can have MAF back. When I'm ready, I'll trade in MAF for a Myvi, and mom will get a brand new car.

However, if MAF is beyond redemption, then I'll be using the Viva, till I can work my ass to get another Myvi.


Scary eh?


Oh well, everything and anything is possible (possible an indication of a higher chance of success, not a definite one though..), and have to rely on my back, and faith to pull through.


Viva is gonna be white again.. :D Me like the brand new white..I don't quite like the other range of colours provided...


She's quite cute, although MAF is definitely more exotic (trying not to hurt MAF's feelings while she tengah nazak!!). Unfortunately Cheese's car is already named Frost.

Yes, Cheese's car...

is named after Emma Frost..

So I gotta figure out a different name for her...come to think about it...Eng Onn and I haven't named out place...we just call it our crib...it's too cliche la... Hmmm....now all we have to do is.....*think think think* (those who watch My friends, Tigger and Pooh would know what I'm talking about...)

and for those who don't...enjoy!! :)

Lucky me!!

Why you may ask??

Ans:

Intelligent women, especially women with emotional intelligence, enjoy better sex, and foreplay (with their...I mean, OUR fantasizing abilities!!)

***************************************************************************************

Read an article in the Star today. Can't remember title, but when I got home (from nilai), went hunting for the same article on thestar online....unfortunately could not find it. However, the article above is probably what inspired the one in the Star anyways...:)

So yeah...BOOYAH! We may not be fantastic lookers, but we're definitely..err..luckier in bed! :P So boys...the next time you see emotionally balanced young ladies in lab coats and black rimmed glasses (hint hint), better look twice! You just might be missing out!! HAHA

*SUPER GRIN*

Anyhoo....been to the workshop which towed my car. I degloved my chin and chipped (and broke a tooth) my teeth because the steering wheel was pushed towards me due to the impact. The engine is in working order, which means, my car could be saved!

*choirs of angels singing,
"Hallelujah"*

Unfortunately, it all depends on the insurance assessor.. We unfortunately lose rm400 as my name was not listed in the people covered for driving the car either..*grumbles*

Just a note, for those who have not bought car insurance. The mechanic of 20 years said that AIG has the best customer service. They are very strict in assessing damaged cars and cars repaired after accidents in the interest of heir clients.

Will confirm/debunked this statement soon.


Hope you have a more care-free worriless day as to compare to me. :)



signing out,

Mrs John Abraham. :P
(the whole article's work k..)

Tooth fairy

I wonder ho0w much would she give for a broken extracted tooth....hmm

Just extracted the first premolar tooth next to my canine tooth...my upper left one...so now I have a very very imperfect smile....:( and scarred legs...:( my two favourite features gone!!

Thank God I do not have my own camera yet, or I'd be disgusting you with photos!! Hahah

On the bright side, now I shall have to hide from public view for sometime...and would help me save some money so I can now pay for the damages.....Aih...


This really sucks..


But I am still happy being a bum...spoke to my "nephew" Ben in Germany. Nice to get closer to the family...:) He is the one who called me a bum in the first place cuz he has to go to work...he's just jealous....:P


So that's about it for today....drowsy....need...sleep.....nights...

Citrus??

Psytrus

This is a very interesting person I came across a few weeks ago. Over a few drinks, we've learned a little about each other's lives and today I just feel like blogging (ranting) about personal satisfaction..

This guy wakes up each day, looking forward to enjoying his work...literally! He probably wakes up with that devilish grin plastered over his face, saying, "oh yay! more work!!" with genuine enthusiasm...because he loves his job! He LOVES his job!


I would consider myself happy, contented at the most with my job. I would not say I wake up with that grin all over my face! (Partially because I have a sweet smile, not a devious one..heh). I am happy to have a stable job with a good company...but that's about it. My dreams of living that crazy life of mine is naught but a dream.. It is embarrassing to even spill what my wildest dream is! :D

But I must say, not everyone has the guts to chase that dream of theirs... And most of us have learned to be contented with this semi-perfect life we've built. Sometimes, it is shattered, but always ready to be re built...in another semi-perfect way...Am I making any sense?


I almost had that perfection, semi-perfection I mean, and the accident burst my comfort zone...now I guess hav to rebuild it, and learn to be happy again....it is not impossible, but yea, it'll probably need a lot of adjustments and it shall be achieved...


Psytrus, well.....all I can say is,, hats off to you, prince! :) You're living your life! cheers!


Check his profile and music out in facebook, youtube, and myspace....pretty good stuff. :)


signing out!

pebblesssssssss

Crash Boom bang

Well, as some of you may already know, I met with an accident last Saturday, may 9th, 2009.

simple really..

I did not have enough sleep, was aching from influenza vaccination and was too eager to get home....for thw wrongest reasons..

started my drive at 6am...fell asleep on the wheel, woke up, saw huge white thingy dat looked like the back of a truck, slammed brakes and (closed my eyes..felt like a dream) woke up to some strange (but kind) malay man who was trying to wake me up....at this time I was laying at the side of the road...

Degloved the mandible...which in lay man's term meant that I skinned my jawline...miraculously without tearing any tendon, and had some deep cuts on the legs....oh yea, chipped lots of my teeth..spent the next few days sitting pieces of my teeth out.

The impact of the safety belt was bad as well....my chest and abs hurt (now I even have blood clots lining my lower abs...feels like little balls under my skin...weird) and having bad toothahes...with the occasional bleeding stitches if hey choose not to ooze out some weird serum dat sometimes look like ous (my sister in law sys it is not infected...oh yea...she is a doctor...so yea...she's qualified)


I am lucky to be alive.

Very lucky.

Surprisingly, I did not experience the whole "my life flashed beforee me" experience....was squeezing my brains trying to recollect my emotions...I swear, if I died that day...it would have been so...insignificant.Like,it just felt like a dream. Nothing else.


Got me thinking...if I died...the only regret would be that I did not manage to revamp my life as I decided to just before the accident. And when I was in hospital, I wanted my family, and close friends. Kamini Veena and Kenny were such angels to come all the way. So did Cheese...thank you! I really wanted to see you guys.

Rubern, I wasn't sure...but I was glad he was there. I felt like I could just close my eyes and rest when he came.He tends to take my troubles away (when he is not causing them, that is..hehe...sorry for the pun, Ruby..:))

but more importantly,, I knew who cared, and who didn't. at the end of the day, the people who were always no 1 in my life were the ones who cared the most!

My family needs no mention....I love them to bits, and they'd give their lives for me...that I KNOW, and I appreciate...I have the best family in the world!!!


My closest, oldest friends....Kamini, Veena, Kenny, Darian, Joshua, Cheese, Karen, Bryan, Alfie, Fellie, Gin Jhen, Shaun, even Eunice..they were immediately there....I was so shocked that Arvind and Nurul came all the way too...and not to mention mommy Grace's scoldings..Djameel came to the scene!

but the accident brought me closer to an old friend, my "lil bro", Paul..


After all these years..I never knew that little effort made to reach out to a friend would mean so much...now I know...and he promised never to shut me out again! One of the many things the accident came in handy with....


Oh yes.....2 weeks MC is awesome!!!!!! :) happinessssssssss....I swear...


Anyways,sitting up is painful....need to lay down...Thanks for the many many well wishes...for those I missed out, my apologies.....head still...not functioning too well.......(ct scan came back normal I must add)

Thank you again, my angels...:)

and thank you Anyi for protecting me...I know you were there...I know it..

Phlebotomy

Well, I had a pretty rough day at work today (the first time I will admit to that). reason being Attempt #2 at drawing blood was a miserable failure, attempt #3 & #4 were near misses, attempt #6 was sheer luck and attempt #7 was painful!! :S

According to Wikipedia:

Phlebotomy is the act of drawing blood either for testing or transfusion. It is a skill employed by physicians and many professionals in allied health fields, including nurses, medical assistants, paramedics, cardiac physiologists (UK) and clinical laboratory scientists.

So this is what I am to do for the whole of May...Wish me luck... I really need it..:S

Line-up for today:

It talks about the "wheels of health" complete with an assessment sheet on how healthy you are. Dr Walt Larimore considers a Health to be best defined by WHO - Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.

However, the also thinks that Spirituality is the fourth wheel that completes a person. As I have only started today, before my Phlebotomy Disaster, I am very interested to know how is he going to fortify his philosophy. He has so far been giving random, poorly elaborated cases to prove his point. I will just see how it goes I guess, cause the concept does interest me.

Then, I'll have to finish the movies I have rented:

(Half way, so I hope I finish it...:S)

Gin Jhen recommended this....we shall we......:P looks very familiar...

DISNEY!! :D

Oh yes, this is because I found this awesome place where I can rent vcds/dvds...makes my boring life a WHOLE lot better...:P And due date is tmr!! :S

Good luck to me again!


Signing out,

Mrs John Abraham

(Yes, it's still John Abraham season...:P)

Getting better

Settling.

I have a more fixed routine now. And it helps. Mentally stronger, emotionally healthier...physically too.. Gotta work on the spiritual aspects though..Life is almost perfect right now. Almost. :)


Although it has been long since I have sat down with my Bible and prayed on a passage and meditate, I have always been talking to Him. The beauty of believing in what I believe in is that your God is your friend, your brother, your father, your purpose, your happiness, your everything! And I thank the Lord for giving me the faith I have. It is so easy to just push all my thoughts aside and talk to Him, in the car, in the lab, on the treadmill... It is almost like small conversations with this person who is with you at all times, going through everything you are going through. Still, I need something more solid to complete my life.


And this is the beauty of it all... I have come to accept that my life as it is now is complete, especially with more time in prayer. I have been keeping away from most vices, and I feel very very inclined to reconcile with Him. And it is always a joyous when that divide is bridged.

Just finished Tuesdays with Morrie (2 evenings of nothing to do in my lab did the job. :)). There was an evening where Coach talked about forgiveness. It's everywhere, the hint to forgive.


I know I am hurting the two of them (ex and his current gf). And a very wise person told me that the reason the ex is unhappy has a lot to do with the fact that I have not truly forgiven them. Probably the same reason why there is unhappiness in that relationship. Could not believe the kid left the rally I attended just because she could not bear to see the hate in my eyes...When the fact is, I know she would b so uncomfortable to see me, that I would have just avoided her and discarded the fact that she was there in the first place. Her presence do not bother me anymore. It's so trivial. Besides I can have a professional relationship with her, just not a personal one. Is that not good enough for now? I cannot say I hate them.. I care for them, I ask about them, just that I just do not want to come to terms with the fact they are together.

My ex has gone to the point of blaming himself for what I have turned out to be. But i told him that it was my choice, a choice probably made easier by the circumstances, but mine in the end. I have come to terms with most of the theory of things...but living it out is so challenging, and that is exactly where I need Him for the strength to do it..it is beyond human abilities..need divine help..

But yes, life is better. Life is perfect already. Almost I mean. I hope I have reached the point where I am happy being single and me. Been doing all the girlie thingies that make me happy....So what if I am a girlie girl! :)

I have been watching all the chick flicks, been pampering myself with long showers, nice perfume, facial care... that makes me happy. I do not care if some would like to think me shallow..So be it. I know what I am good at and where my weaknesses are. I am complete as I am..and with this new security, life is getting better.

Anyways, been on a movie spree....watched this show..Agnus, thongs and perfect snogging. Cute show for teenage girls. For us older ones, it is a good reminder of the teenage years..much happier times. :)

Very carefree, and dreaming was about all we did. Lol. Fun no brainer for me. :) The rest are not really worth mentioning...though I must tell Veena dat i have FINALLY watched Dhoom....not 2 mind you..the first one!!


I'm so in Love with John Abraham...He's my husband, btw...:)
Isn't he a darling?

Signing out,

Mrs John Abraham! :P

Dear Diary

Everything feels like a roller coaster ride..especially the effect of these events on me..

At work, I am in a new bench, haematology..blood bench in lay man terms.. work is very manual, and requires skills at identifying blood cells especially. I am especially annoyed that the bench lacks system, and is so freaking hormonal! The very reason why I hated the idea of living with women..can't stand the hormones!


I am learning NOTHING there!! It s because the bench leader cannot control her nerves, and is so uncertain of herself, and one particular bench member is annoying! Thank God i like them as people, not as colleagues.. and I thank God I am still capable to separate the two identities..aih..

And it does not help that I am sick again. Tonsillitis I think. Went for a praise n worship session ytd night n now I can taste something like blood when I cough..throat is real sore...and I am not gonna get well especially after ths wonderful rally

Which annoys me, cause I feel they doing it all wrong! This is not how you prepare for a rally... Sometimes I feel like shouting out loud, "Lord, when is it time? How long more do I have to endure my desert??"


Does not help that my personal life is chaotic too...Do not know how to word it...wait la....eng onn my dear housemate gonna get our internet set up!! :D

signing out n back into bench full of hormones..:(

many many things..

Well, it is a whole complex mesh of events, the past week..And it's Monday again. It is do darn good to just spend a relatively quiet weekend in Subang, away from the PLUS highway..which means away from rushing home to Melaka, settling 5-8 family errands and issues at one go, and listening to the vents and rants at home about the family, money, government, planet, universe, galaxy...you get the picture....


Anyhoo...

I messed up at work (or so I thought). Manage to get a probe to puncture a sample cup! And carry it along the rest of the processes.. :) Thank God, the probe supply is almost infinite, and the mistake made was a relatively common one. *phew*. Tomorrow shall be my last day at the Clinical Chemistry bench, and I hope I picked up enough to get all the papers signed. Am seriously thinking of requesting to be rotated another round once I am done with this one...


Gym drama is a freaking saga! First, another trainer, V has taken over me because M was not doing a good job keeping to appointments. Then, M has been spreading rumours about me and V...malicious ones. Thank God M has a reputation as a huge liar (pathological one man...) and people only half believes what he says..(Lucky me). Went for a bbq with more trainers..sheesh...it is a conspiracy...they make you eat so you pay them to give you more personal training sessions! LOL. Not falling for that one guys....:P but I have to say, the gals who prepared the food (chefs...literally! FnB lecturers now..) did an awesome job. I have never tasted better bbq-ed chicken!!!! :)


Well, the personal life has taken about a million steps backwards.. Totally decided to cut Club Guy from my life. Do not want to be mean, but seriously, I need a sharper man. Yesterday was the last straw. No more.. I do not care about J man either..a waste of time.


Gosh..no time.....cont tmr... :)

Tears

I cant stop crying.

I read his blog, as I always do.

Just save me please..

McLeod's Daughters

Initially, I never appreciated the series, but somehow (I think I'm older now) of late, I am beginning to identify with them..and the struggles they go through are real. Today's episode, Grace was "happy" having flings, and Marcus disapproved of it. They gave each other a good lashing for minding each others business..

So they went on arguing as they were unsaddling the horse, and off the horse runs away, and they give chase, and both fall into an old mine shaft.

So, two people, stuck in a mine shaft, and it's getting late, and they're wet, and she starts shivering. So Marcus goes to the rescue, gives her his jacket, and try to make her think happier thoughts...and she spills...

She is in a fling with a man who only wants to screw her because she was heartbroken by her former bf. She starts crying and asks, why did her ex leave her? What did she do wrong? and the jackpot was, am I unlovable?

In truth, that is the biggest insecurity most girls have. In that stupid short few minutes, they caught the essence of female insecurity. Are we so bad that we are unlovable?


many will say, don't talk nonsense la...of course you are lovable...and some idiots will even say, your parents love you, your friends love you (That's when you ought to SMACK their heads!!). Yea, yea, we all know that, but to be loved exclusively for the person you are. To be wanted to be part of another persons life. That's like the biggest compliment a person can get..


Oh well, there were many other issues, female relationship issues put out on the series, but today, I just wanna share on that particular one...


Have a great weekend buddies....

muah!

Fragile

Can't believe how fragile I still am..

Yesterday I met a real old friend, DT..someone real close to heart,only he did not realize it...


He came over to my apartment, and we were chilling at the poolside and caught up old times...we were talking about people we both knew, how they have turned out to be. It was real nice, to have a bit of the better times come back to me. Long and deep into the conversation, we found out that a mutual close friend, JT has been backstabbing DT. I said it was true as JT told me bad stuff about DT's gf the last the last time we met. What happened next was something I did not expect..

DT was so pissed, and he said that JT almost cost him his cousin. And I was sympathetic, but I told him that JT was never credible, and honest to god, I did not remember the details JT told me as he has always been full of crap. Well, DT than questioned my intentions of inquiring after his gf. I was in disbelieve, but worse I broke into tears..

DT realized soon enough he should not have questioned my sincerity in my relationship with him. We have been friends for almost 11 years now..and he has always been close to heart. He really played a big role in shaping me to who I am today. But I knew that it was in his nature to clarify, and hence the seemingly distrusting question. I knew he was not angry with me, but the way he posed the question was hurtful, and I CRIED!!


Today I can laugh about it, but it got me thinking how fragile I actually am. I know to many, I come across and confident, strong and as a person who knows what she wants and how to get what she wants. but the truth it I am fragile. The very same reason Rubern hurt me so bad, Steph hurt so bad, ET, AT, AH and so many hurt so much.

guess that just means I need to toughen up.Oh well.. People are just insensitive and inhuman...

DT, no no, you don't fall into that category, k? :) Love ya to bits! :D